Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer

Hi @allisonsnow @lorinusbaum @shortshot80 @wandering @lizah @oldkarl @laurieann789 @hopeful33250 @tresjur @mollie59 @kenlucier @cjohn and @somefan. It's not easy to find a place where you can have a frank discussion with other people living with advanced cancer. I invite you to do that here.

I'm glad that you posted this discussion, Colleen. As I've had three surgeries for neuroendocrine tumors, a rare form of cancer, I've found myself wanting to look positively at the future, but with a cautious-eye on the reality of three occurrences. While I keep active, and I volunteer, work and maintain friendships, the reality of cancer is always there. I find myself still searching for answers and still trying to live a normal life. It really is a different reality from my life prior to cancer.

I would love to hear from others who are living with this dilemma. How are you balancing the different feelings of optimism and the reality of a cancer diagnosis?

Teresa

I remember reading “a cancer diagnosis is a reminder of our mortality” in the book But You Look So Good – Stories by Carcinoid Cancer Survivors and for me no statement is more true.

I no longer work, but I would if I could. Managing my many health issues, along with helping my spouse to manage his, is just as time consuming as a full-time job. Along with cancer, I have heart disease and the probability of a stroke looming in the background. So, I'm dealing with three health issues whereas most people would be intimidated with one of the three.

On the physical level I keep all my appointments, never miss a test or treatment and search for ways that others handle these conditions. On a mental level I tell myself that things could be worse (true). I still have long-time friends in my life, some as far back at 60 years that I keep current with. I have amazing new friends that I also treasure and spend time with them when I can. My family, though small, is an important factor and knowing they are there keeps me upbeat and positive.

Staying optimistic, looking at the glass as half-full, avoiding stress, helping others, scrapbooking, support group, reminiscing over pleasant memories, and praying – these things help me to cope with advanced cancer and my other health issues.

Mary

Six years and counting! I walk around with a smile and a positive attitude only to know that the true me is encircled by a fog that will not lift. I see a psychologist weekly, but it does not lift the fog of inevitability. I am afraid.

Hello @testlady

I see that this is your first post on Mayo Connect. Welcome and thank you for so honestly describing your feelings. Your phrase, "the fog of inevitability," so aptly describes what so many of us feel at one time or another. Especially after a test finds a new source of cancer, and we find ourselves facing another surgery or another round of treatment.

Please continue to share your journey with us as you feel comfortable doing so. We would like to get to know you better, and also may I offer my congratulations on your "six years and counting."

Teresa

testlady, I understand your feeling too, In 2015 I was coughing a whole lot, went to the emt and he took a xray, said I had Pneumonia, primary care doc wanted a cat scan. Which showed fluid in my left lung. So had to have that drained October 27.2015, again in november. My heart doc said to get a lung doc, which id did who sent me to a lung sureogon (sp) can't spell tonight! Anyway Jan 22,16 I had lung surgery. Doc put a 2inch 4 foot long in my lung to drain. Couple days later told me I had two kinds of lung cancer. One pplain ole lung cancer the other is Mesothelioma. This is from Asbestosis that my husband worked with while mixing plaster for plasters from 1955 to 1983. Nothing can be done with this. I have the blank thinking at times, perhaps this is the fog you talk about. One of the things I have done is attend church Sundays & Wednesday evenings. This is prayers for me and I can talk to the group. Witch eases the fog some. Talk to someone besides your psychologist. Other people without a "degree" does and will help. Best of prayers for you! (shortshot80) Nancy

Thank you Nancy. I can feel your kindness through your words.

Hello Nancy @shortshot80

I agree with @testlady, you have articulated a wonderful attitude and taught us some coping skills for dealing with cancer. Talking with others was a great suggestion.

Teresa

By the way I am 84, will be married 67 years in October (21) and my husband has his own set of probllems. He will be 90 In Oct 27. He has a full time catheter which is changed monthly. He has asbestosis and is on oxygen 3/4 of the time. With our age to fight along with our problems we still go out to play bingo at the nearest casino. We talk to others there too. Bob also has a walker. So the "fog" is there too for him. Life is meant to "live". Don't lose yourself in your problems, voice yourself here, you would be surprised on what you can say,and
and hear/read so try to voice your fears here. Don't allow them to kill you sooner than what is meant to be!. Shortshot80} Nancy

Thanks for the invite to this board Colleen. I have been feeling depressed lately (which is not usual)and talking may be just what I need.
Has anyone else experienced when you have a friend who has a relative dying from cancer and would I please talk to them. I am always more than willing to help but frightened at the same time. What if I say the wrong thing ? people comment all the time that I seem to have it all together and I have such a great attitude, sometimes that is true the rest of the time it is the mask ( and I KNOW you know what I am talking about). It is a lot of responsibility. It is also difficult because it stirs up all those feelings I keep at bay. These conversations are always different but always filled with tears and laughter and longing and God.
But if anyone else has had to do this , how do you feel afterwards? How do you deal with your own feelings?

I have so much more to say but that is another topic.
I have my scans this week and see my oncologist (always nerve wracking)
I see my gyn doc "watching" a problem
I see my pulminologist next week and from my breathing I feel the news will not be good

P.S. this is the 2nd person from this family I will have had the "death/Life" talk with
a reminder we need to thankful for our blessings