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Couldn't Leave, Until I Did
I Couldn't Leave, Until I Did
I couldn't leave, I didn't know how,
I hide my bruises, hid my face,
Too shattered to be seen somehow,
Too broken to find a safer place.
I cried so loud just to be heard,
Deaf to the echo of my own pain,
My tongue was sharp, my thoughts were blurred,
I left a fire where love should of been
It wasn't sadness, it was dread,
Rejection, wanting what would never stay,
A house where love had starved and bled,
Where nothing gentle dared to stay.
I lost chances, time and tears,
I wounded hearts I was meant to hold,
Too grieving and too lost in fears,
In a story too shattered to be told.
Then through the dark, God spoke my name, shelly!
He whispered *shelly, it's not too late,
Getup!, open your eyes, be brave,
I’m giving you one more chance at fate.
That night I rose up from that floor,
That night I chose myself, I chose to see,
I turned my back and closed that door,
And left that darkness watching me.
I left my old life in the dust,
I left the ones who watched me fall,
I shed the woman I had lost,
And buried that old self all of her
Each day I thank Him for that night,
He lifted me from sin and fire,
He turned my shadows into light,
And breathed new life into my lost soul
Don't say your hell was worse than mine,
I never measure pain to pain,
I only know this soul of mine
Survived what should have left me dead.
And now I face another war,
They whisper cancer, stage four,
But hear me when I say this!
Cancer will not define me,
Just as violence couldn't.
That trauma never got to name me,
And this disease will not either
I was the woman too sad, too lost to be,
Now I'm the woman who stood up and took my life back
And finally, I am free to take my life back once again!!
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@pat9892 Love that fact that you qouted Eleanor Roosevelt. I would have loved to meet her. She would have been a great first woman President!! look up ArthurDale in Virginia, she started that town!
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1 Reaction@pat9892 I’d forgotten that quote so THANK YOU for writing it. I am keeping a page of things that make me smile and/or laugh. I have a funny sense of humor because I’ve already shed enough tears.
My husband of 57 years has divorced me and I read someplace in Maine last summer this…”Marriages are like pancakes. There’s no shame in throwing the first one out!”
My DCIS was in 2002 before a diagnosis of ILC in 2025. I just had a unilateral mastectomy a moth ago. I’m 80 & couldn’t understand WHY i needed another boob. Now I’M FLAT WHITE just like the coffee drink I learned to love while visiting Australia.
I hope I’ve given you a laugh today!
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3 Reactions@mimi09 I love your strength! Here's another quote for you that I have sometimes thought to be true, "If we can put one man on the moon, why can't we put all of them there?" author unknown. (To be honest my husband of 52 years has been very supportive during my IBC, I know I was blessed to have him help me and I recognize the strength of those who have no one and yet survive this journey. They have my admiration!
Best to you and thank you for the smile:~)
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1 Reaction@pat9892 I now have pages of laughs!
Divorce is how a man admits he ignored his wife.
My ex (the Bastard) used to say that he'd never divorce me. Because he took a vow and he'd never break a vow!
Not because he loved me...it was all about the VOW!
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1 ReactionI am sorry for the pain that cost you. It is good that you are once again finding joy in life!
@angele2times I am so sorry that you are experienced problems with the mastectomy , the hematoma under the expander and the beginnings of an infection. I imagine it must be worrisome, amd difficult .
I experienced recurrent fluid accumulation following my lumpectomy requiring frequent in hospital ( out patient basis) aspiration of fluid. I have continued to experience pain following radiation oncology regimens and I feel that CBD has been helpful. Of course, please check with your oncologist, surgeon and primary care MD prior to CBD usage.
Your defiant and continuing stand against cancer is an inspiration!
Best ,
S.