How about a laugh, (hopefully)

An up-and-coming modern artist was preparing for her first big solo exhibition at a prestigious gallery. She spent months creating complex installation pieces made of salvaged metal, shattered glass, and old newspaper.

The night before the grand opening, she stayed up until 3:00 AM finalizing the placement of her prize exhibit: a single, rusted iron bucket sitting in the exact center of a vast, spotlighted room, filled halfway with murky water and a solitary floating leaf. She labeled it “The Weight of Fleeting Thoughts.”

Satisfied, she locked up the gallery and went home to sleep.

The next morning, the artist arrived early for the VIP preview, dressed in her finest attire. She walked into the main hall, only to freeze in horror.

Her rusted bucket was gone. In its place was a shiny plastic yellow bucket, a brand-new mop, and a printed note taped to the floor.

She ran to the gallery director, nearly in tears. "My masterpiece! The Weight of Fleeting Thoughts! It’s been stolen! Replaced with cleaning supplies!"

The gallery director paled, pulled out his phone, and dialed frantically. After a brief, tense conversation, he hung up and looked at the artist with absolute dread.

"I have bad news and good news," the director whispered.

"What's the bad news?" the artist cried.

"The night custodian thought your masterpiece was a leak in the roof, so he threw it in the dumpster and wiped up the floor."

"Oh, direct horror!" the artist sobbed. "What on earth could the good news possibly be?!"

"Well," the director said, pointing to the yellow bucket and mop, "a billionaire art collector came in ten minutes ago and just bought the custodian's setup for eighty thousand dollars."

Really happened a week ago. I'm in patient hospital for tachy bradia got a pacemaker. Nicest nurse is taking my info.
She asks if I will take a blood transfusion if needed. I say "Yes, I am A-, but MDS." She says. "Then you can't take blood." I say "why not?"
She says "because you are Latter Day Saints."
We were laughing so hard, we both almost needed rescusitation🤣

@triciaot
Great tip! Thanks!
And here I was about to put myself into debt for a little GLP 1 punishment.

@shmerdloff
Hear about the dyslexic, insomniac, agnostic who stayed up at night worrying about the existence of dog?

This is an oldie but goodie :
Q Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A No
Q Did you check for blood pressure?
A No
Did you check for breathing?
A No
Q So, then, is it possible that the patient ws alive when you began the autopsy?
A No
Q How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q But nevertheless, could rhe patient still have been alive?
A It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

I have a friend who has a horse named Luke Skywalker.

This year, for Star Wars Day, I sent him a bale of hay, to which I attached a note:
"Luke, I am your fodder."

This was a Dad Joke I got broadcast on local TV here in DFW. Here's another version:

@jakedduck1
So good

An engineer, a physicist, and a cat were locked in separate rooms with a single unopened can of tuna to test their problem-solving skills.

After an hour, the researchers checked on the engineer. He had fashioned a leverage tool out of a loose floorboard and was happily eating.

Next, they checked on the physicist. She had calculated the exact pressure point on the seam, struck the can against the wall, and opened it cleanly.

Finally, they opened the door to the cat's room.

The can was still completely untouched in the center of the floor. The cat was sitting comfortably on the researcher's laptop keyboard, staring directly into the security camera with a cold, unblinking gaze.

A quiet synthetic voice chimed from the monitor: "I have encrypted your hard drive. Open the tuna or the data gets it."