Any tips for coping with the future and dying alone?

I too am trying to heal from throat and neck cancer. One year out from radiation and struggling with nasty side effects . Can’t eat because, sore throat , constant phlegm, dry mouth and cannot eat because of sick stomach every day . Hence the feeding tube .
I just turned 77 in June 2026 .

Dear Dlsmabrey,
You haven't written since February, so we really don't know how you're doing, or if you're still following this discussion.
As we age, death gets closer, and with an illness like yours it must be pressing very close.
If you've not connected with Hospice, it seems likely your doctor can make a referral.
If you can make a connection you'll know they will be there when you need their help, and it seems to me that you need to know this now.
I'm concerned that your illness will need some serious pain relief medicines, and that these will be tricky to manage. These are things you need to talk over with your doctor and with hospice or some other caregiver.
May you have peace.
Ed

@kayraymat
Watch the movie "After Death" more like interviews with people and NDE.
Real people, surgeon wasn't interested in this, he was not a believer, ended up doing a study on NDE. Interviews of people that explain what they went through.
Book titled " The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel, a journalist & atheist that just about divorced his wife because she became a believer.
His research was to prove his wifecwrong but he couldn't. He became a believer.
Peace to you

Its ok to be scared of dying alone, aren't we all 🙂

But I really I hope you know your life has left little fingerprints everywhere. On playlists, on inside jokes, on someone's favorite memory they don't tell anyone about. You are so connected even when it doesn't feel like it. To people you may not even know like me:)

If today feels heavy, do one tiny soft thing for yourself and remember, Your laugh, your kindness, the little ways you care people carry those with them. Also my names Michelle you may not know me but if that moment ever comes again, remember me an people — nurses, friends, even strangers in the metastatic breast cancer community who know exactly this fear — who would want to be part of your check-in circle if you let them.

@shellyk89
May sound strange, but my biggest sadness is for friends and family who love me and will not have me anymore. I can't take care of them anymore. They'll be on their own.
If I died alone, that would be a grief that has spared me.

This thread just came up for me. I am kind of in the same boat, live alone, no children. While family members call, usually once a week, they don’t get concerned if I don’t answer because of course, we all still have lives and may be out shopping, going to the gym etc. My concern is when it happens, how long will I be here, who will find me and what will they have to take care of. Happened to 2 people I’ve known both of whom had been dead at least a week before found. This adds stress to an already stressful life and I also question if there’s anything I can do to prepare for this that could help decrease the stress levels. I don’t think this is a fear of dying, it’s a fear of dying alone and the consequences associated with it. And while it may occur in the future, I don’t yet want to go into something like assisted living yet.

@mistymar I know this may be hard to do but read your bible and pray . Something I should be doing also .

Death is "hardly" ever neat, clean, uncomplicated, smooth going, easy, on a timeline aka - ready when you are!
It is "mostly" messy, complicated, screwed up, mixed up, difficult, inconvenient aka - happens when you least expect it!
For those of us living alone and are terminal...obviously get all your practical ducks in a row.
Give someone a key to your front door and discuss your situation with them. Discuss with close friends/family IF you have them your wishes/plans/desires. Speak to hospice BEFORE you are on your death bed...let your wishes be known, give them directions as to "what" "who" to call/to do. This should all be done anyway by them.
Funeral home ?, service?, cremation ?, bury and where? deed to cemetery?, tombstone ?
As hard as this may be, do everything possible to have a "seamless" transition from life to death.
Put your thinking cap on and be realistic and make "dying/death" plans - as much as humanely possible.
And if you need to make amends to some folks...do that. And if connected with your faith (whatever that may be) reach out to "them" and set plans there, if that is what you wish also.
Just do the best you can to "set up/plan" your death, that's humanly possible. Don't wait, get it done!
Peace of mind beyond important now! And once you have done all that is humanly possible?
Let Go and Live.
You must realize (as we all must) the moment of your death is out of your control.
No ones knows "when, where, how" it will come to you. Complete waste of mental and emotional energy to think of "who is gonna find me?", "what will happen to me?", etc. etc.
Let Go and Live.
Yes, all so very scary. Find you faith. Find your center - whatever that may be. Find your peace.
Do set "things" in place - as much as you can. Then.
Let Go and Live.
And on a more personal note, I do agree wholeheartedly with shellyk89: My biggest sadness is for my love ones who must carry on without me, I will not be with them anymore. And I will no longer be able to care for them.
They will be on their own. This makes me very sad...but God willing - I will have "time" to talk to them about their life with me no longer in it.
I pray this will happen. But I know my first 2 sentences in this post are true.
All we have is the NOW. This present moment. Let Go and Live.
My heartfelt peace to all.

@briarrose
Question: what do we do when we don't see one of our regular Chat buddies on line with us for too long?
What do we assume? If one of us thinks he or she is at the end, should we post and let everyone know, so we can say goodbyes?
Incidentally, that way no one "dies alone."

I am glad you thought of that. Personally IF I can, I would post and let everyone here know...I would try to do that before I can't.
Yes, say our "goodbyes" and those left behind here would reach out with support, love, comfort, kindness, strength to us, courage, prayers - letting our support women and men here - know we are "leaving" to avoid assumptions/guesses which might be incorrect, as to why one hasn't posted in awhile.
Of course, this is an individual decision. Some may be simply unable to do this. Some may simply not want to do this. Some may wish to keep it private. Some may suddenly leave us and not have the time to do this.
We simply do not know. As I said before...death can be so very unpredictable, despite our best efforts to make it not. It "mostly" will be exactly that.
And that's OK. We simply do what's best for ourselves, what is in our hearts. While we can.
So glad you brought this up. For me, I would "want" to do this post. I hope I will be able to do this.
Blessings.