1. < Mental Health

~ Worried my therapist is going to dump me ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Aug 7, 2017

Hi friends .... well, in 1 week I will be moving to my new apt in a limited income division .... I'm excited but also exhausted from the packing. Anyhow, I am worried that something is going on with my therapist. I have seen him for 12 years and he has helped me immeasurably in many ways. He always gives his patients a paper listing when he will be off during the year, for planning purposes. This year, I got the paper, and since June, everything keeps changing .... a week he was going to be on vacation, he was there .... a week he was to be in, he writes all of us and says he won't be in. It's been like that all summer. And then, for me - I drive almost 4 hours to get there every 2 weeks, so I leave early in the AM for an 11 appt. He wrote me and asked if we could change it to 2:30. I can't possibly do that and still drive home ..... I don't drive at night and when I get out of there I'm exhausted. I suggested another day but have not heard back. I have planned everything else I do up there around the 11 AM appt ..... my appt. with my Psychiatrist, and my every 6 month haircut. This whole thing has been so odd and so unlike him. I worry that he's sick and needs treatments, and I also worry that he is trying to dump me. I'm sure not as sick as I was when I first went to him, but I have some very dark days, when I see nothing ahead but black and old age (I'm 72), just a useless blob of human. And, my insurance won't pay for the Psychiatrist and meds unless I'm in therapy. This doctor was the first man I ever trusted .... my life experiences have been lousy with men, so I just don't trust any of them ..... better safe than sorry. I've had 1 breakdown, have cyclothymia and some days just do absolutely nothing but sit here, drink tea, and eat junk.
Thanks for listening ..... I won't see him till the 22nd and I just don't know what I'll be told then. I feel like a frightened little girl who is losing her "Daddy." He's not really,, and I know that, but trust is a new thing for me.
abby

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Aug 7, 2017

Dear Abby, @amberpep

I can understand your concern, a long-time relationship with a good therapist is a stabilizing force for many and to be uncertain about this relationship can be very disconcerting. As you well know, anxiety tends to cloud up our ability to focus and respond appropriately to changes, so I encourage you to communicate your concerns to him.

Why don't you try explaining why the later appointment does not work for you? Why don't you ask him if there is a reason for the many recent changes in his scheduling?

Teresa

REPLY
2 replies
Barb | @amberpep | Aug 7, 2017
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Dear Abby, @amberpep I can understand your concern, a long-time relationship with a good therapist is..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Dear Abby, @amberpep

I can understand your concern, a long-time relationship with a good therapist is a stabilizing force for many and to be uncertain about this relationship can be very disconcerting. As you well know, anxiety tends to cloud up our ability to focus and respond appropriately to changes, so I encourage you to communicate your concerns to him.

Why don't you try explaining why the later appointment does not work for you? Why don't you ask him if there is a reason for the many recent changes in his scheduling?

Teresa

Jump to this post

Thank you so much Teresa .... sometimes I feel so lost and alone. When he sent the e-mail asking about the time change, I did write back and told him why it wouldn't work for me .... he knows how long I drive to get there. I have not yet asked him about all the odd changes in his summer schedule, because I won't see him again til Aug. 22, but I do plan to ask him then. And I've tried to set all those appts. up on the same day to make it easier for me and not have to drive back and forth so much. It immediately brings back those feelings of being "thrown away." I know he'd never say that, but it's what's in my head. And having to do all this packing for the move doesn't help .... I'm getting very tired very easily which slows things down. One of my daughters has helped a lot and I'm grateful for that, but the other 2 kids have done little or nothing. But, it is what it is. With each passing day, I become more convinced that I should have just stayed in my condo in Frederick rather than move here. But, it's sold now, so there's no going back. All these unanswered questions in my mind just take me right back to childhood, and my marriage, when I felt thrown away like a piece of trash. It feels like forever til I see him on the 22nd.
Thank you again Teresa,
abby

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Aug 7, 2017
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Dear Abby, @amberpep I can understand your concern, a long-time relationship with a good therapist is..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Dear Abby, @amberpep

I can understand your concern, a long-time relationship with a good therapist is a stabilizing force for many and to be uncertain about this relationship can be very disconcerting. As you well know, anxiety tends to cloud up our ability to focus and respond appropriately to changes, so I encourage you to communicate your concerns to him.

Why don't you try explaining why the later appointment does not work for you? Why don't you ask him if there is a reason for the many recent changes in his scheduling?

Teresa

Jump to this post

Hi Abby @amberpep

I certainly value your presence and I wish that you never had to be experience those negative feelings, but I know they are hard to set aside. I'm sure that the fatigue of moving and relocating adds to your stress level and causes more anxiety.

Hang in there, you are a survivor and I feel that you will survive these changes as well.

Teresa

REPLY
shoregal45 | @shoregal45 | Aug 7, 2017

You are overwhelmed and I can truly understand that as I've been in your place. Whatever the doctor's problems are you need one who you can rely upon and not have to travel that distance. Time to look for a new doc closer to where you live. Google is a good start. Good luck.

REPLY
Barb | @amberpep | Aug 7, 2017

Hi shoregal .... you know, I'd rather just not go to anyone new than try to find a new Psychologist. When I first saw this therapist, within 2 sessions he told me that I was like "good Suzie," meaning I never made waves, never spoke up, never said or did anything that I thought could make someone else upset or angry. Then he told me "we're going to dismantle her." WHAT? Aren't we supposed to "behave?" Well, because of my entire background, I literally had no voice, stayed quiet never offering an opinion on anything .... my mother's usual name for me was "you rotten little s.o.b." I lived in terror that they were going to throw me out, as she so often threatened to do. This doctor has helped me immensely with all that, but now with this new issue, I guess I'm not as far as I thought I was. Those ugly voices of my mother still linger. Changing a therapist after 12 years would be a nightmare ..... I trust this man, one of only 3 men I do trust ...... my son, one of my sil's, and my therapist. Pretty pathetic I know, but whenever I meet or even walk by a man I can feel my body stiffen up. I told my therapist once that I consider them all "sexually driven animals." Obviously I was also sexually abused as a child. So, the thought of trying to find another therapist is just something I can't go through again.
abby

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Aug 8, 2017
In reply to @amberpep "Hi shoregal .... you know, I'd rather just not go to anyone new than try to..." + (show)
@amberpep

Hi shoregal .... you know, I'd rather just not go to anyone new than try to find a new Psychologist. When I first saw this therapist, within 2 sessions he told me that I was like "good Suzie," meaning I never made waves, never spoke up, never said or did anything that I thought could make someone else upset or angry. Then he told me "we're going to dismantle her." WHAT? Aren't we supposed to "behave?" Well, because of my entire background, I literally had no voice, stayed quiet never offering an opinion on anything .... my mother's usual name for me was "you rotten little s.o.b." I lived in terror that they were going to throw me out, as she so often threatened to do. This doctor has helped me immensely with all that, but now with this new issue, I guess I'm not as far as I thought I was. Those ugly voices of my mother still linger. Changing a therapist after 12 years would be a nightmare ..... I trust this man, one of only 3 men I do trust ...... my son, one of my sil's, and my therapist. Pretty pathetic I know, but whenever I meet or even walk by a man I can feel my body stiffen up. I told my therapist once that I consider them all "sexually driven animals." Obviously I was also sexually abused as a child. So, the thought of trying to find another therapist is just something I can't go through again.
abby

Jump to this post

Hello Abby @amberpep

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. You have survived a difficult upbringing and you have developed some good insights into how your past is affecting your present life. As I'm sure you know, that really is a blessing. Some folks go a lifetime without ever understanding why they feel (or act) like they do.

Teresa

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Aug 14, 2017

Hi Abby @amberpep

I hope that you are rested from your move and feeling better now. I've been thinking about you.

Teresa

REPLY
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