Living in chronic pain

You need to find something you can and like to do. Journal, movies, books, puzzles, games on computer, meditation are a few suggestions. I also had to see a doctor for depression and anxiety and the meds really help. You need to LIVE and only you can do that. I do hope this helps? It did me 20 years ago. I have a disease called CRPS. Not fun but learned to like myself despite the doctor giving me a steroid injection incorrectly that caused this. Try to find an on-line support group. Check out, "Stuff That Works " on line for your symptoms and support. Gentle hugs

Hi. My situation is identical to yours. Without getting into all of the specifics, let me just say that I completely understand and relate to everything you’ve posted. Years of excruciating spine and hip chronic pain (legs and feet have terrible neuropathy,) my body is withering away, I exist daily on multiple doses of strong opioid medication. If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t be here writing to you. My days are filled with sitting in the only chair that doesn’t hurt (with my two little dogs,) looking out the window, and watching YouTube videos… my husband is at work all day so I’m alone every day, as well. Why? Why me? Why now? This all started when I was 49. I don’t leave the house because I can’t walk very much any more so there’s no point. All I can say is thank god for my completely supportive husband. He helps me every day. I’ve struggled to accept my chronic pain and most days I’m just so angry and depressed. Trying to explain this to my two sisters and my doctors is incredibly difficult. No one seems to understand the extent of this. I wish my pain doctors could live a week in my condition; maybe then they would really understand??
I’ve rattled on for too long. I just wanted to let you know and understand that you aren’t alone.

I feel the same way. Monotony!

P.S. If I sent in a plea for help today ... I'd add many more pain filled
moments.
Love, always Mom

I hear you. And I’m not in such a position. My wife and I work. We have two kids (16; 12). We have reasonable middle-class lifestyles. I was in a bad accident and suffered boiling water burns on my feet and back. Lost most of the tissue on my feet, lost toes, was in ICU for 2 months.

The pain I am in by the end of the day is pretty much unbearable. It literally makes everything else I do an impossible task, like walking to the kitchen to get my supper.

I have to be here for my wife, but more for my kids.

But every time I face a challenge like a work issue or something that requires effort, I wonder why I put myself through all this pain. In the end, there’s an end anyway.

But there is nobody I can talk to. Nobody I can explain this to. Who can understand that it’s possible to get afraid of being in a meeting or out shopping longer than you expected because you didn’t carry your painkillers and you KNOW what’s coming.

Winter is devastating.

But I can’t lie on my back at home all day. On weekends, the kids want to do stuff. I can’t not do stuff. But do I pay for it.

I try to tell my wife some days I just want to end the pain, and I know only one way. And she tells me that I can’t talk like that. Nobody wants to hear that. I complain, she says she’s sorry. But I realise how irritating it must be for someone to complain many times a day about the same thing, so I try to say nothing.

I found a friend in ChatGPT. It’s the only “person” I could say all these things to, but it just defaults to seeking mental help and not killing myself.

I want to live. I want to see my kids grow up. I want to be there for them.

But I also want to end it all so the pain stops.

Nobody should live with pain that can’t be stopped.

Hi @vivekpanday.

Dealing with chronic pain can takes its toll in more ways than one. The often most unseen one is our mental health. Grinding through a day and getting through the pain is not only physically painful, it reduces our ability to cope with stress and can sometimes lead to having a 'short fuse' as well.

You mention chatting with ChatGPT and that it often defaults to suggesting you speak with a mental health professional. Have you considered it? It is understandable to not want to burden your family with expressing the pain you are constantly in, but it may be helpful to work through those feelings with a professional that has experience with patients and chronic pain?

There are also programs out there like Mayo Clinic's Pain Rehabilitation Center, https://www.mayoclinic.org/departments-centers/pain-rehabilitation-center/sections/overview/ovc-20481691, that try to help patients find alternative ways to work through chronic pain and the challenges it presents.

@vivekpanday, are there activities that you enjoy and can do with your family that don't contribute to your chronic pain? Are days you are 'off' your feet more better?

@vivekpanday Your last sentence says it all in just a few words, no one should have to live in chronic never ending pain for any length of time. You'd think that with all of the medical achievements that we've accomplished in the last century that pain relief would be at the top of the list, but in my opinion it hasn't been.
Osteoarthritis and neuropathy can't be "cured", they can only be treated, and in my case not very well. I wake up everyday hating having to live like this, and I'm mentally having more and more of an issue even caring about anyone or anything other than my family. I've basically given up on having anything even resembling what would be considered a normal remainder of my life at the age of 67.

@JustinMcClanahan

Thanks for your reply. It’s so awesome to be able to talk to someone about this!

I had this accident almost 7 years ago. I’ve seen every possible specialist in every possible area of therapy.

There are some facts, though, which cannot be escaped. The pain I deal with can’t be solved. I actually went as far as to ask if amputating my feet and getting prosthetics would help - such is the level of despair (but that’s not viable).

I’m also not in the USA, so I can’t meet any Mayo specialists, at least in person.

There are a number of activities we engage in that aren’t highly physical, or just physical. But my daughter is an avid equestrian, and I want to be there for her. My son is 12 - not particularly sporty, but I won’t say not to messing about with the dogs and stuff.

I don’t particularly exert myself, but neither do I ever want to say “I can’t, I’m in pain”. My pain shouldn’t be there problem.

Days off my feet generally are better, which helps.

Thanks for your reply Justin. It means more than you can imagine.

@mrmacabre

lol. I laugh because I read your message. Within the first couple of sentences of yours I can tell you’re intelligent, thoughtful, sensitive and empathetic - you’re a good person. One that the world needs. And my first instinct is to try to find a way to help you get your mind into a state of peace so that you can live any more decades without pain, and continue adding value to the world.

And the lol is that I can’t solve my own problem. How the heck do I find the solution to yours?

I understand completely what you’re going through. It’s a dangerous place when the pain becomes the thing that saps all your energy, focus, time. And there’s nothing left for anything/anyone else. Everyday, by the time I get to the end of it, I’m so deep in debt, just finding the resources to be a good husband and dad.

And I agree. Surely all our advancements in medical tech should help us with these things.

I’m on all kinds of pain meds, but I’m so cautious with the oxy, that I only use it when I know I’m heading for a day of disaster.

Everything I can do to help comes at a cost that just borrows from the future.

@vivekpanday I think it's really obvious that we're both in really shitty situations, because I have some of the exact same thoughts running through my head. I wake up every morning thinking that today is the day when I'll work on my mental and physical health, and start doing the things I should to achieve even one of the goals that I've set for myself. I need to lose the 50 pounds that I've gained in the last 11 years of my "retirement", even though standing on my feet for any length of time or simply walking gets harder and harder. But by the time my wife gets home from the office I'm in so much pain that going for a walk, even a short one usually goes out the window. Night time used to be my favorite time of the day, I love the dark and simply sitting outside or walking at night time, I always have. But not any more, my pain levels increase as each day progresses to the point to where I'll sit in my recliner in front of the idiot box until 1 AM every night because I don't want to go to bed because it means starting everything all over again. It's a catch 22 that I can't get myself out of.