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Does anyone feel old and useless with age?

Posted by sally12345 @sally12345, Sep 13, 2023

Hi, I'm almost 64.. I'm feeling old and useless. My strength isn't good anymore. Like it used to be mainly side effects of meds. My health is poor with cvsd. Osteoporosis, poor circulation, hearing , eyesight, you name it's going. I always took care of myself. Now I've gotten older and everything's wrong, my grandkids don't a want me around and they are little still. No friends to talk with or do things with. Why is it we spend our lifetime taking care of family. Loving friends to end up , old and tired. Useless.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

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lylii | @lylii | Jul 15 4:49pm
In reply to @rashida "@lylii if you still get no response after what @gravity suggests, just remove yourself from the..." + (show)
Profile picture for rashida @rashida

@lylii if you still get no response after what @gravity suggests, just remove yourself from the family chat (you simply go into the chat settings and remove your name), and find other discussion threads where you can feel heard (e.g., Mayo Connect), groups on various subjects on social media. You could also find in person social groups (e.g. at your local library), or sign up as a volunteer at an agency.

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@rashida
Thank you so much - this is very good advice. I will definitely start looking for something I can be a part of. Wish you the best!

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lylii | @lylii | Jul 15 4:59pm
In reply to @rashida "@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days..." + (show)
Profile picture for rashida @rashida

@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days are long gone. One of my kids has said: “that was then - this is now” any time I have even broached the subject about life when I was growing up.

I will be 80 soon too and simply mentioned in one of my text messages a few months ago that we should spend more time together as I was approaching my eighties and didn’t know how much longer I would be here, adding that no one on both sides of my family had lived past 86. Both my daughters took offence, accused me of putting them on a guilt trip (one of them reminding me she and her father had cancer - albeit treatable) and both immediately blocked me from the chat! They have both come around since then, but our relationship still feels strained. They want to be in our lives on their terms, so I am now at a point where I let things happen, having no expectations of anything or anyone. They know they are loved, no matter what, and they know my door (and especially my heart) is open to them 24/7/365. Beyond that I can’t do anything else.

There is never any guarantee on earthly relationships and the only relationship we truly can count on is the one we have with God. He is, and always will be our constant in the lives of all of us. Personally, it gives me great comfort to know that.

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@rashida
Thank you - I am so sorry your daughters actually blocked you - that is very sad. I am trying to learn to "expect nothing, and I won't be disappointed". You are right - God is the only one we can really count on to be with us.

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Read & learn & live! | @readandlearn | Jul 15 5:56pm
In reply to @rashida "@readandlearn it seems to be a generational difference. We were taught respect for our elders, but..." + (show)
Profile picture for rashida @rashida

@readandlearn it seems to be a generational difference. We were taught respect for our elders, but the younger generation’s idea of “respect” is not the same as ours. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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@rashida "it seems to be a generational difference."

It didn't appear on stone tablets just in the last generation.

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pml | @pml | Jul 15 7:46pm
In reply to @rozenhoedkai "@pml You sound like a special soul. Wishing you the best." + (show)
Profile picture for rozenhoedkai @rozenhoedkai

@pml You sound like a special soul. Wishing you the best.

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@rozenhoedkai
Thank you for your very kind comment! I needed that today!
PML

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pml | @pml | Jul 15 7:55pm
In reply to @rashida "@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days..." + (show)
Profile picture for rashida @rashida

@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days are long gone. One of my kids has said: “that was then - this is now” any time I have even broached the subject about life when I was growing up.

I will be 80 soon too and simply mentioned in one of my text messages a few months ago that we should spend more time together as I was approaching my eighties and didn’t know how much longer I would be here, adding that no one on both sides of my family had lived past 86. Both my daughters took offence, accused me of putting them on a guilt trip (one of them reminding me she and her father had cancer - albeit treatable) and both immediately blocked me from the chat! They have both come around since then, but our relationship still feels strained. They want to be in our lives on their terms, so I am now at a point where I let things happen, having no expectations of anything or anyone. They know they are loved, no matter what, and they know my door (and especially my heart) is open to them 24/7/365. Beyond that I can’t do anything else.

There is never any guarantee on earthly relationships and the only relationship we truly can count on is the one we have with God. He is, and always will be our constant in the lives of all of us. Personally, it gives me great comfort to know that.

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@rashida
I am so sorry that your daughters have treated you so badly! That's not right. And you are such a nice person too! I can tell by all of your very nice comments you've made on Mayo Connect over time. You are right about today's younger people. They don't like older people. My own son hasn't contacted me in over 20 years. I'm not really sure why. The world is different today and not in a good way. However, you are right about having God in our lives. He is always there for us whenever we need him. I've needed God a lot since my husband died 2 years ago and he's always come through for me.
I'll say a prayer that things will improve with you and your daughters.
God Bless You!
PML

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1 reply
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sisyphus | @sisyphus | Jul 15 10:18pm
In reply to @rashida "@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days..." + (show)
Profile picture for rashida @rashida

@pml and @lylii Young people these days are not interested in the elders - those days are long gone. One of my kids has said: “that was then - this is now” any time I have even broached the subject about life when I was growing up.

I will be 80 soon too and simply mentioned in one of my text messages a few months ago that we should spend more time together as I was approaching my eighties and didn’t know how much longer I would be here, adding that no one on both sides of my family had lived past 86. Both my daughters took offence, accused me of putting them on a guilt trip (one of them reminding me she and her father had cancer - albeit treatable) and both immediately blocked me from the chat! They have both come around since then, but our relationship still feels strained. They want to be in our lives on their terms, so I am now at a point where I let things happen, having no expectations of anything or anyone. They know they are loved, no matter what, and they know my door (and especially my heart) is open to them 24/7/365. Beyond that I can’t do anything else.

There is never any guarantee on earthly relationships and the only relationship we truly can count on is the one we have with God. He is, and always will be our constant in the lives of all of us. Personally, it gives me great comfort to know that.

Jump to this post

@rashida
The hardest realization for a lot of parents is to find out what the iconic poet and philosopher, Khalil Gibran says in his book, The Prophet: Our children do not belong to us even though they come through us...."

Now I know in agrarian societies our children often helped on farms, it was The Way life happened. So there was an unwritten social/moral contract.

But we are also the product of our environment. With easier ways to find what WE want out of One life we each is given is also nature's way to make sure each develops to their most potential and aspirations. I think this change is futile to fight or even grieve about.

How about we treated our children and even our friends from the past that each may find what They believe is good-for-them. We can always advise them but as adults we expect they need to do 'their thing.' It's Their One-life after all.

What older parents (or those without children) must do is to find Their Own Kind that Each Other finds INTERESTING enough to Want to meet the other: As Friends!
As one in 80s, this is what I seek out most Each Day, because life without a friend is not-life. (for Aristotle says its not worth living) but let's talk what WE older folks can do for Each Other today. If We didn't why wud anyone else?

So I say: Let's find those who you-want-and-they-you. That is paradise on earth for me. I wish you luck; wish me the same.

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rashida | @rashida | Jul 15 11:57pm
In reply to @lylii "@rashida Thank you - I am so sorry your daughters actually blocked you - that is..." + (show)
Profile picture for lylii @lylii

@rashida
Thank you - I am so sorry your daughters actually blocked you - that is very sad. I am trying to learn to "expect nothing, and I won't be disappointed". You are right - God is the only one we can really count on to be with us.

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@lylii we are back on talking terms now, but there definitely feels like a glass barrier between us.

Yes, I too have no expectations of anyone or anything anymore. I have let go, and let God take control of their lives and mine. “Let go, and let God”! I feel so much better having done that!

REPLY
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rashida | @rashida | Jul 16 12:36am
In reply to @pml "@rashida I am so sorry that your daughters have treated you so badly! That's not right...." + (show)
Profile picture for pml @pml

@rashida
I am so sorry that your daughters have treated you so badly! That's not right. And you are such a nice person too! I can tell by all of your very nice comments you've made on Mayo Connect over time. You are right about today's younger people. They don't like older people. My own son hasn't contacted me in over 20 years. I'm not really sure why. The world is different today and not in a good way. However, you are right about having God in our lives. He is always there for us whenever we need him. I've needed God a lot since my husband died 2 years ago and he's always come through for me.
I'll say a prayer that things will improve with you and your daughters.
God Bless You!
PML

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@pml we are back on talking terms now - but there certainly seems to be something missing … don’t quite know how to express it … I still love them and always pray for them though … I have just left things in God’s hands and feel the better for it.

I am sure you have read Margaret Fishback Powers’ poem: “Footprints” - the story of everyone’s life, eh! I still remember my “aha!” moment when I read this poem for the first time, 55+years ago - long before marriage and motherhood were even on my radar!

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dsmit8 | @dsmit8 | Jul 16 1:11pm

Do you live near a public pool?
If so go to the pool and join an exercise group or walking group in the pool. You will find friends and get stronger. Good luck.

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tallperson | @tallperson | Jul 16 7:20pm

I am 87 and I don't feel that way at all. I got married 2 years ago and am living a wonderful retired life. I go to the pool in my development and participate in book discussions with a variety of people. There is Socrates on-line that is very interesting. Just Zoom into the meetings. WE eat home most of the time but I am helped in the kitchen by my husband. We don't make a big deal of cooking. We share what we can. Old age can be very rewarding if you look at the blessings God has given you.

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