Loss of my husband...am I losing my mind? This is not who I am.

There is undoubtedly light at the end of the tunnel, but you may be going down an adit, and not the main shaft or tunnel. (Mining analogy)

You say 'sadness'. Could it be more of something else....like....anger? Outrage? Disappointment? Bitterness? Fear? What I'm suggesting, to use another analogy, is that you may be barking up the wrong tree. Your discussing and listening to counselling and shared anecdotes that might not be about the hidden, but strongest, aspect of your separation and his death.

I haven't any suggested reading to share with you because I have little trouble rationalizing the various flavour of 'ends' of people I know who have passed, including both my parents. Perhaps it is my faith, or maybe my fatalism, that allow me to pause, weep a bit, and then move on....probably believing that this separation is temporary. Probably. Maybe. And if it is to be permanent, and death really is The End, what will I know...anyway...or care? This might sound cold, overly objective, maybe even sociopathic, but I will be what they are, and if they will always be what they are, I can't do anything about it. I had my time with them, and no regrets.

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief is very hard and different for every one. The time for recovery or learning to cope also differs for each. Be patient and kind to yourself as you go through this. There is no set time are special course to follow. You are right to do the grief share at church. I too have suffered many loses it's never easy. God bless you

@cece55
You have my deepest sympathy. It is so hard. I know; I lost a beloved husband after 55 years of marriage. It will get better although never really good, in my experience. What helped me the most was my job and my dog. I needed things that couldn’t wait for me to feel better. Something to make me get up in the morning when I felt I couldn’t move.

The dog had to be fed; she had to go out. I had to do some work and listen to my boss. The dog is still with me, but in 18 months I realized I didn’t need the job as a crutch to get me through the day and I retired. That’s how long the worst of the grief lasted.

C ece, First my condolences, I know exactly what you are experiencing. I lost my wife of 72 years exactly six months ago tomorrow. At my age (92) I know that I will never have time to stop grieving. However, what has kept me afloat is the "Hope" grief support team that I joined shortly after my wife passed, (as well as caring family and friends). It is a group of people who have lost a spouse of partner. We meet once a week, under the guidance of three leaders - also widows. I believe the group that your hospice team is scheduling you for will be a very good source of advice and support. Please try to keep yourself busy - I go food shopping about three time a week, needed or not, just to get out of the house. I also have two dogs that keep me busy and also attend events at the library to keep my mind occupied. Life will never be the same, but you can adjust to small changes, adopt a pet, cat or dog, if you can. A different source of entertainment might help. Learn a new language, or hobby. volunteer at a local animal welfare facility, if available, or with your hospice team, they always need people for various functions. Just stay strong, take care of yourself while you grieve, keep those fond memories of him utmost in your thoughts, they will help you.
My best to you, stay well, time will heal some things, some things will never heal, accommodate those things and you will more than able to move on. You also made a good choice of posting your position on this site, you will find a lot of very empathetic people here, who will provide you good advice and support.
Again, best to you, take care of yourself.

I have been there and still am at times but it has gotten better for me. My wife of 58 years died 10 months ago and I can’t express what a terrible loss it has been. GriefShare helped me a lot and I took two sessions. I have a grief counselor and talk with a Hospice counselor occasionally. I was helped by reading as you have done and would keep that up. Only those who have been through it can understand. Try to remember during the hard times that the bad feelings won’t last forever. You do come through each time and get back to yourself at least for a time. I wish you the best and always be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.

I lost my husband if 50 years 18 months ago. I never realized the depth of pain, physical and mental changes. Many women where I live are widows some for many years. They told me to remember we all grieve differently and you are forever changed. That doesn’t mean you get “over it” you just rebuild who you are and savor the moments you feel like yourself. Grief brain is real. I messed up so many things, kept losing things and struggled with inertia and procrastination. I now make it a point to keep a list and do 1-2 things a day. I’m fortunate my son took over some things (like my taxes) which made it easier. He keeps saying I need to let people help me. Please be kind to yourself let your self grieve and know grief comes in waves, some days are better than others. Try to find an outlet for your grief if you can. My outlet was writing prose and poetry for my eyes only. I am so very sorry for your loss. God bless you.

@cece55 I am very sorry for your loss. These initial months are so extremely difficult. My wife of just short of 53 years passed away 16 months ago. I am still having issues and likely will for a while, it was unexpected. Excellent you are starting with a grief counselor and getting involved in a group of people who also are experiencing the same. I have been involved in a few groups all of which have helped. Several things for sure. Grief will take its own course and can't be rushed. It takes time which will differ between people, and you need to go through it. There are no short cuts for grief. However, as you go through grief, things will improve. I now go through less boxes of tissues as compared to a year ago. Take your time and take care of yourself. Rest assured things will get better. Be patient. Ed

@cece55, just checking in and to let you know I'm thinking of you. How are things today?

My life stopped April 2,2026. I got up around 4:30 AM and went into the den/kitchen as usual and found my best friend and my husband of 62 years laying on the floor covered in blood and uncoucious. He was transported to Savannah to a brain specialist. He had fallen and hit his head on something causing a severe brain bleed and he never came to and passed away the next day around 2PM. I have blamed myself since because I did not hear him fall and it is causing me great depression and taking it's toll on my body physically. I am having crying spells, hot flashes and even breaking out in a bad rash. I am trying so hard to dwell on all the good times we had together and the two children we were Blessed to have. I am Praying hard for strength and asking for your prayers and support.

@colleenyoung
Hi Colleen,

Thank you for checking on me. My grief therapist at Hospice gave me homework to do since my last visit two weeks ago. One request was to involve myself in something, so today was my first day of painting class. I really didn't want to go but I went out and purchased supplies and went to class. I actually had a good time and made several new friends. I am looking forward to next Monday. I even laughed several times.

She also asked me to invite a friend to do something so this Thursday I am going out to lunch and to the art museum.

I have to say this has not been easy. I have been reluctant to do any of this and had a weekend of isolating and watching television in the dark. This is the beginning of the fourth month and I feel like grief is not an uphill healing. This month has been the hardest as my brain and heart are having a hard time accepting that my life as I know it has ended or changed. I will never see my husband as I have known him again in this life. I still talk to him and ask his advice and feel his presence all around me. I also found that my circle of support has shrunk and people are just going on with their lives, checking on me but not actively helping me anymore. I guess this is as it should be. I am a grown woman and should be able to figure out my problems and move forward.

So..I have done what the therapist has asked me to do, and also have griefshare in the future months to go to.

I am desperately lonely and realize that only I can fix that. I am doing what I can right now, realizing it has only been a little over 3 months.

Thank you for looking in on me.
Blessings to everyone who is walking this path.
CeCe55