I have realized the more I started reading the more hopeless I became. What helps or works for one may harm another...my father always called me a lone fox as I much preferred nature and the creatures to hanging out or being sociable...weak-kneed describes me well now as my knees are in bad shape and doing physical therapy after being told to not walk since January and now being told to blah, blah, blah...I am weak in many ways and going through the bureaucratic hoops is part of life. Like so many things-"can't change it, can't fix it". By the time one hits 65 and can no longer physically work there is nothing much else left. I see people and smile and laugh-they all see me as happy, funny, entertaining...zaps my strength to do so and even a trip to the grocery is draining.
If knowledge is power and wisdom I have had my share...I stay safe w/ my paint brushes and now paint what is me and not what others want done for them.
I lived a life of being a people pleasing person and this achieved nothing other than wearing my body done to where it can no longer be a pack mule, work horse or gopher. I am not bitter as I did what I did because I genuinely cared...Took me a long time to realize the world is full of users and abusers. There was a time when someone told me something I believed them. This is no longer true for me. I have learned the hard way and much prefer spending my older years still being kind, but far more cautious. The more I start to hear pretty words the more I distance myself.
Could be worse as once I stopped listening to the perverted therapists and taking drugs prescribed by shrinks that were most seeking perks from drug companies...they never listened and went by what the therapist said...beware those wolves in sheep's clothing I tell myself now.
All of this jibberish comes from reading too much. If someone is wanting to translate this type of thinking into self-pity it is their choice. I personally believe the mental health system is highly over-rated and I am not a negative person so much as a realist as I see how cruel the world has become and always has been. Now there are those with degrees that cannot tell good cow dung from apple butter and surely cannot think outside the box and everyone should fit within the parameters of what they learned from books or the person they are working with is non compliant...my near fatal mistake was being compliant.
Yes, I have found this to be true for only one. She would get out her book for everything I said. She had to quit SE seeing her. made me so much worse that I Sav I do have to say that my psychiatrists have been pretty good, and I had one terrible therapist and one good one.
I think it is the PTSD that has me freaked and sometimes the heading of a forum can send me reeling. I need to stop some group or forum. Later when I figure out which one.
I think it is the PTSD that has me freaked and sometimes the heading of a forum can send me reeling. I need to stop some group or forum. Later when I figure out which one.
@parus We are in fragile states emotionally and mentally during these times. Things have turned on their axis and taken us with them. I can fully understand your predicament. One foot in front of the other, as we carefully plod towards our best-for-us-self. Sending cyber hugs.
Ginger
I think it is the PTSD that has me freaked and sometimes the heading of a forum can send me reeling. I need to stop some group or forum. Later when I figure out which one.
No, you aren’’t_ I don’t keep reviewing history, but as older adult who grew up in horrible household with sibs (alldeceased) as an older adult I am left with a brain clearly changed by violence I witnessed from birth to 18. It’s baggage I cannot get over esp. with triggers and times of day. Any body else?
No, you aren’’t_ I don’t keep reviewing history, but as older adult who grew up in horrible household with sibs (alldeceased) as an older adult I am left with a brain clearly changed by violence I witnessed from birth to 18. It’s baggage I cannot get over esp. with triggers and times of day. Any body else?
@engelee So many of us who have varying levels of PTSD experience the triggers you talk about. For me, it becomes a game of reminding myself the exact circumstances are not quite the same, so it is okay to deep breathe and rise above those triggers. Sometimes, that works. Other times I can reason with myself that if I fall under that PTSD, they "won" again, which I clearly do not want.
Have you been able to get professional help in some form, to work with you in dealing with your causes of PTSD?
Ginger
@engelee So many of us who have varying levels of PTSD experience the triggers you talk about. For me, it becomes a game of reminding myself the exact circumstances are not quite the same, so it is okay to deep breathe and rise above those triggers. Sometimes, that works. Other times I can reason with myself that if I fall under that PTSD, they "won" again, which I clearly do not want.
Have you been able to get professional help in some form, to work with you in dealing with your causes of PTSD?
Ginger
Thanks for responding. Yes, I’ve been (n therapy for years and oddly am a clinical nurse specialist who started a unit for people who self-harm. My problem is(eg) ;my dad was MD, came home from office at 9pm and not long thereafter my mom and dad would drink and it always ended up with the whole family brawling except me. I just started hiding knives etc. or calling state police. My mother loved the fight. I would just beg her to stop etc. There were times at night when she would wake me up.yell at me, and I had no idea what I was being yelled at for.Saying this now,not then does not help—my brain really has all the changes from trauma that research shows-
Thanks for responding. Yes, I’ve been (n therapy for years and oddly am a clinical nurse specialist who started a unit for people who self-harm. My problem is(eg) ;my dad was MD, came home from office at 9pm and not long thereafter my mom and dad would drink and it always ended up with the whole family brawling except me. I just started hiding knives etc. or calling state police. My mother loved the fight. I would just beg her to stop etc. There were times at night when she would wake me up.yell at me, and I had no idea what I was being yelled at for.Saying this now,not then does not help—my brain really has all the changes from trauma that research shows-
@engelee I am sorry you had to go through that. Do you think your mother's behavior was caused by her wanting attention, even if it was negative?
I had to work hard to associate times or triggers with heathier things. At 9pm have a cup of tea and relax. I have heard there is a therapy called DBT [Dialectical Behavior Therapy] that may help. Would that be something you might try?
Ginger
Thanks for advice—no, I think my mother was psychotic in a manner that allowed her to be socially appropriate,. She would have me stay home from school to ‘protect’ her from my dad.
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2 ReactionsYes, I have found this to be true for only one. She would get out her book for everything I said. She had to quit SE seeing her. made me so much worse that I Sav I do have to say that my psychiatrists have been pretty good, and I had one terrible therapist and one good one.
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1 ReactionI think it is the PTSD that has me freaked and sometimes the heading of a forum can send me reeling. I need to stop some group or forum. Later when I figure out which one.
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2 Reactions@parus We are in fragile states emotionally and mentally during these times. Things have turned on their axis and taken us with them. I can fully understand your predicament. One foot in front of the other, as we carefully plod towards our best-for-us-self. Sending cyber hugs.
Ginger
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2 Reactions@parus, please let me know if I can help you figure out how to set your preferences so that you can stop receiving notifications from Groups or specific Discussions that you no longer wish to receive.
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2 ReactionsNo, you aren’’t_ I don’t keep reviewing history, but as older adult who grew up in horrible household with sibs (alldeceased) as an older adult I am left with a brain clearly changed by violence I witnessed from birth to 18. It’s baggage I cannot get over esp. with triggers and times of day. Any body else?
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Hug
1 Reaction@engelee So many of us who have varying levels of PTSD experience the triggers you talk about. For me, it becomes a game of reminding myself the exact circumstances are not quite the same, so it is okay to deep breathe and rise above those triggers. Sometimes, that works. Other times I can reason with myself that if I fall under that PTSD, they "won" again, which I clearly do not want.
Have you been able to get professional help in some form, to work with you in dealing with your causes of PTSD?
Ginger
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2 ReactionsThanks for responding. Yes, I’ve been (n therapy for years and oddly am a clinical nurse specialist who started a unit for people who self-harm. My problem is(eg) ;my dad was MD, came home from office at 9pm and not long thereafter my mom and dad would drink and it always ended up with the whole family brawling except me. I just started hiding knives etc. or calling state police. My mother loved the fight. I would just beg her to stop etc. There were times at night when she would wake me up.yell at me, and I had no idea what I was being yelled at for.Saying this now,not then does not help—my brain really has all the changes from trauma that research shows-
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1 Reaction@engelee I am sorry you had to go through that. Do you think your mother's behavior was caused by her wanting attention, even if it was negative?
I had to work hard to associate times or triggers with heathier things. At 9pm have a cup of tea and relax. I have heard there is a therapy called DBT [Dialectical Behavior Therapy] that may help. Would that be something you might try?
Ginger
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2 ReactionsThanks for advice—no, I think my mother was psychotic in a manner that allowed her to be socially appropriate,. She would have me stay home from school to ‘protect’ her from my dad.
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