Back from the beauty shop with a haircut that is now neat and not grown out. This Corona virus has us all standing in line, sweating the heat, but getting it done. People do not see a smile through the mask so no one smiles or talks. Isolating us even more. Great for television and radio talk shows. (Better than nothing). All the white is showing, must yellow it up some slightly. It does look better that way. I am in great pain tonight. The Rheumatoid and Psoriatic dragons are fighting over which one owns me for the night. I will lose this one. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. Hope is good when it works. Or better yet, perhaps I will spoil myself and try one of the opioids the doctors have given me. Watch out every one here comes your next ptsd dreamer. Tomorrow might be a better day. Perhaps I will walk again. Love for all. Peach
Last night I went back to the beginning of this thread, in part because some members of the depression and anxiety in old age group were wishing there was a forum for abuse recovery. @gingerw I'm not sure how to direct them to this conversation. Perhaps you could help me.
Last night I went back to the beginning of this thread, in part because some members of the depression and anxiety in old age group were wishing there was a forum for abuse recovery. @gingerw I'm not sure how to direct them to this conversation. Perhaps you could help me.
I will try to but you will not be happy. I was in the emergency room Saturday and then admitted for three days. The abuse will never stop. There were two patients in a small single room. (Covid Virus still active) The woman was brought to the hospital fro a nursing home; she used a cpap machine that every two to four minutes when the woman could not breath a HORRIBLE LOUD NOISE OCCURRED FOR ABOUT A MINUTE. I ASKED TO BE MOVED, THEY DID NOT MOVE ME . INSTEAD THEY CLOSED THE DOOR TO THE ROOM SO THEY DID NOT HEAR THE NOISE. WITH ME STILL INSIDE. "CHINESE WATER TORTURE" MORE HAPPENED. PERHAPS i SHOULD LOOK FOR A LAWYER? my body still jerks when a similar sound occurs. Happenings like this makes one want to kill themselves. I am strong but shame, shame, shame on them all. I keep trying to help myself, to believe in the lord and continue on and helping others on my way. Thank you for being there. (SOB). Peach
@peach414144 I've been submerging myself in electronic media for almost a month just watching listening and trying to deal with all undone things that will make me feel better. With covid I'd felt abandoned emotionally. My gentleman friend had multiple and increasing psychotic episodes. My stress level increased until I had muscle spasms on my second visit to the ER my physical pain was so extreme that I had a PTSD bread and finally scored. I refused psychotropic meds. Resting at home I had PT which helped me to actively release my physically tension. He's in memory care permanently. I realized that from a very young age everything and anything that went wrong I had told was my fault. I finally got it Not mtinto that I was only responsible for me and now what I need is self love. And the fact that my worst torture is OVER. And it comforts me to know that in after 73 years of anguish that all the people responsibe except 2 are dead. The last 2 have a foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I epitomize the expression revenge is best eaten cold. I'm enjoying Shadenfrued. It's a relief. I'm responsible for my own thoughts and deeds. The psychological effect of Ruth Bader Ginsberg dying on the evening beginning of Rosh Ashona was cathartic. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. All the freedom I received as a woman was due to her efforts. I feel hopeful that I can keep going without any drawbacks. Only regrets are it took 77 years to get here.
@peach414144 I've been submerging myself in electronic media for almost a month just watching listening and trying to deal with all undone things that will make me feel better. With covid I'd felt abandoned emotionally. My gentleman friend had multiple and increasing psychotic episodes. My stress level increased until I had muscle spasms on my second visit to the ER my physical pain was so extreme that I had a PTSD bread and finally scored. I refused psychotropic meds. Resting at home I had PT which helped me to actively release my physically tension. He's in memory care permanently. I realized that from a very young age everything and anything that went wrong I had told was my fault. I finally got it Not mtinto that I was only responsible for me and now what I need is self love. And the fact that my worst torture is OVER. And it comforts me to know that in after 73 years of anguish that all the people responsibe except 2 are dead. The last 2 have a foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I epitomize the expression revenge is best eaten cold. I'm enjoying Shadenfrued. It's a relief. I'm responsible for my own thoughts and deeds. The psychological effect of Ruth Bader Ginsberg dying on the evening beginning of Rosh Ashona was cathartic. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. All the freedom I received as a woman was due to her efforts. I feel hopeful that I can keep going without any drawbacks. Only regrets are it took 77 years to get here.
@lolaemma Like you many people have found Covid-19 challenging and exacerbating existing situations. It sounds like you are going through a stressful time but that you've had a "breakthrough" of sorts and new found inspiration.
I am a big believer in being in the "driver's seat" regarding my feelings, thoughts, and actions. My feelings, thoughts, and actions are my responsibility and no one "makes" me "feel" or "think" anything.
You said that, you are, "only responsible for me" and "my own thoughts and deeds." What insights, feelings, or perspectives has this new way of thinking brought for you? What is different?
@lolaemma Like you many people have found Covid-19 challenging and exacerbating existing situations. It sounds like you are going through a stressful time but that you've had a "breakthrough" of sorts and new found inspiration.
I am a big believer in being in the "driver's seat" regarding my feelings, thoughts, and actions. My feelings, thoughts, and actions are my responsibility and no one "makes" me "feel" or "think" anything.
You said that, you are, "only responsible for me" and "my own thoughts and deeds." What insights, feelings, or perspectives has this new way of thinking brought for you? What is different?
@erikas Thanks for asking as a child I was the scapegoat. Anything that sent wrong it was my fault. According to mother. It took years to understand that she needed to deflect her feelings of inadequacy by insisting that everything I wanted or said or did cause it. . It was a persecution that made me try to step carefully but when I was blamed when he did or broke things I refused to accept blame and dad realized he needed to protect me. At that point it was convenient to take me with him frequently served two purposes. I learned how to caulk cellar windows to help out. When I was about 11yrs she told me I wasn't the daughter she wanted. I learned to negotiate, do math and went to NYC to hear Noam Chomsky speak. It was a rough emotional start but by being independent and " mature " I got by. One positive thing that kept me sane was to realize there was worse going on that I was protected from. Anxiety developed and I had no outlet besides sticking my nose in a book and stay away from mom. Tried to find someone to talk to about my feelings at 14. No one. Lots of mistakes, three marriages and four children later I started to act defensively found OA and began working on too much but got a degree and moved to CA. New mistakes and growth. Lost 200 lbs and discovered Inspire online therapy then CBT. 2011 had heart attack and started planing my escape. 2018 moved to NC. Far enough away and close enough to be independent but able to keep in touch. So to answer you, I lived long enough that society started to change enough for me to stop running in place and figure out that I was enough. In therapy ( talk therapy) I realized no one was left. I was where I wanted to be. Knew what I wanted and what I didn't. No-one who hurt me in any way can get to me anymore. I'm enjoying knowing that most are deceased and the few have lost that power. I enjoy shadenfrued. It works for me.
@erikas Thanks for asking as a child I was the scapegoat. Anything that sent wrong it was my fault. According to mother. It took years to understand that she needed to deflect her feelings of inadequacy by insisting that everything I wanted or said or did cause it. . It was a persecution that made me try to step carefully but when I was blamed when he did or broke things I refused to accept blame and dad realized he needed to protect me. At that point it was convenient to take me with him frequently served two purposes. I learned how to caulk cellar windows to help out. When I was about 11yrs she told me I wasn't the daughter she wanted. I learned to negotiate, do math and went to NYC to hear Noam Chomsky speak. It was a rough emotional start but by being independent and " mature " I got by. One positive thing that kept me sane was to realize there was worse going on that I was protected from. Anxiety developed and I had no outlet besides sticking my nose in a book and stay away from mom. Tried to find someone to talk to about my feelings at 14. No one. Lots of mistakes, three marriages and four children later I started to act defensively found OA and began working on too much but got a degree and moved to CA. New mistakes and growth. Lost 200 lbs and discovered Inspire online therapy then CBT. 2011 had heart attack and started planing my escape. 2018 moved to NC. Far enough away and close enough to be independent but able to keep in touch. So to answer you, I lived long enough that society started to change enough for me to stop running in place and figure out that I was enough. In therapy ( talk therapy) I realized no one was left. I was where I wanted to be. Knew what I wanted and what I didn't. No-one who hurt me in any way can get to me anymore. I'm enjoying knowing that most are deceased and the few have lost that power. I enjoy shadenfrued. It works for me.
@lolaemma no one deserves to me treated that way and it is especially damaging as a child. Luckily you had your father to partially shield you from your mother.
I think it is good when people hear stories of success like yours. You are someone that got past their trauma. That doesn't mean it is completely gone by any means but you went to therapy and did the "work." That takes a strong person to face the problems that you didn't create, but were still yours just the same.
Everyone's motivation is different but I'm wondering if you'd share your motivation to do the "work?"
@lolaemma no one deserves to me treated that way and it is especially damaging as a child. Luckily you had your father to partially shield you from your mother.
I think it is good when people hear stories of success like yours. You are someone that got past their trauma. That doesn't mean it is completely gone by any means but you went to therapy and did the "work." That takes a strong person to face the problems that you didn't create, but were still yours just the same.
Everyone's motivation is different but I'm wondering if you'd share your motivation to do the "work?"
@erikas my motivation was to live in the healthiest way with sanity and purpose. I have 18 descendents currently. My four children saw me at my most " stressed". It's time to leave memories of a strong person that never gave up.In Judaism we never were sure where we would die and how. The only intangible thing are memories.They can't be stolen or destroyed. We have a blessing " may you live a long life and have many descendents to honor your memory." That's paraphrased in translation. Also I am content with myself.
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Hi @lolaemma and everyone:
All posts are listed in chronological order, in other words Oldest to Newest. This article helps explain:
– Replies and @mentions: How do I know who is replying to whom? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/about-connect/newsfeed-post/replies-and-mentions-how-do-i-know-who-is-replying-to-whom/
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1 ReactionBack from the beauty shop with a haircut that is now neat and not grown out. This Corona virus has us all standing in line, sweating the heat, but getting it done. People do not see a smile through the mask so no one smiles or talks. Isolating us even more. Great for television and radio talk shows. (Better than nothing). All the white is showing, must yellow it up some slightly. It does look better that way. I am in great pain tonight. The Rheumatoid and Psoriatic dragons are fighting over which one owns me for the night. I will lose this one. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. Hope is good when it works. Or better yet, perhaps I will spoil myself and try one of the opioids the doctors have given me. Watch out every one here comes your next ptsd dreamer. Tomorrow might be a better day. Perhaps I will walk again. Love for all. Peach
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2 Reactions@jimhd Thanks for doing so as I had no idea how to address this topic. Yeah team!!!
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3 Reactions@ colleenyoung This can be confusing at first as I had the same difficulty in the beginning. Keep up the good work!!!
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3 ReactionsI will try to but you will not be happy. I was in the emergency room Saturday and then admitted for three days. The abuse will never stop. There were two patients in a small single room. (Covid Virus still active) The woman was brought to the hospital fro a nursing home; she used a cpap machine that every two to four minutes when the woman could not breath a HORRIBLE LOUD NOISE OCCURRED FOR ABOUT A MINUTE. I ASKED TO BE MOVED, THEY DID NOT MOVE ME . INSTEAD THEY CLOSED THE DOOR TO THE ROOM SO THEY DID NOT HEAR THE NOISE. WITH ME STILL INSIDE. "CHINESE WATER TORTURE" MORE HAPPENED. PERHAPS i SHOULD LOOK FOR A LAWYER? my body still jerks when a similar sound occurs. Happenings like this makes one want to kill themselves. I am strong but shame, shame, shame on them all. I keep trying to help myself, to believe in the lord and continue on and helping others on my way. Thank you for being there. (SOB). Peach
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1 Reaction@peach414144 I've been submerging myself in electronic media for almost a month just watching listening and trying to deal with all undone things that will make me feel better. With covid I'd felt abandoned emotionally. My gentleman friend had multiple and increasing psychotic episodes. My stress level increased until I had muscle spasms on my second visit to the ER my physical pain was so extreme that I had a PTSD bread and finally scored. I refused psychotropic meds. Resting at home I had PT which helped me to actively release my physically tension. He's in memory care permanently. I realized that from a very young age everything and anything that went wrong I had told was my fault. I finally got it Not mtinto that I was only responsible for me and now what I need is self love. And the fact that my worst torture is OVER. And it comforts me to know that in after 73 years of anguish that all the people responsibe except 2 are dead. The last 2 have a foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I epitomize the expression revenge is best eaten cold. I'm enjoying Shadenfrued. It's a relief. I'm responsible for my own thoughts and deeds. The psychological effect of Ruth Bader Ginsberg dying on the evening beginning of Rosh Ashona was cathartic. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. All the freedom I received as a woman was due to her efforts. I feel hopeful that I can keep going without any drawbacks. Only regrets are it took 77 years to get here.
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Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@lolaemma Like you many people have found Covid-19 challenging and exacerbating existing situations. It sounds like you are going through a stressful time but that you've had a "breakthrough" of sorts and new found inspiration.
I am a big believer in being in the "driver's seat" regarding my feelings, thoughts, and actions. My feelings, thoughts, and actions are my responsibility and no one "makes" me "feel" or "think" anything.
You said that, you are, "only responsible for me" and "my own thoughts and deeds." What insights, feelings, or perspectives has this new way of thinking brought for you? What is different?
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2 Reactions@erikas Thanks for asking as a child I was the scapegoat. Anything that sent wrong it was my fault. According to mother. It took years to understand that she needed to deflect her feelings of inadequacy by insisting that everything I wanted or said or did cause it. . It was a persecution that made me try to step carefully but when I was blamed when he did or broke things I refused to accept blame and dad realized he needed to protect me. At that point it was convenient to take me with him frequently served two purposes. I learned how to caulk cellar windows to help out. When I was about 11yrs she told me I wasn't the daughter she wanted. I learned to negotiate, do math and went to NYC to hear Noam Chomsky speak. It was a rough emotional start but by being independent and " mature " I got by. One positive thing that kept me sane was to realize there was worse going on that I was protected from. Anxiety developed and I had no outlet besides sticking my nose in a book and stay away from mom. Tried to find someone to talk to about my feelings at 14. No one. Lots of mistakes, three marriages and four children later I started to act defensively found OA and began working on too much but got a degree and moved to CA. New mistakes and growth. Lost 200 lbs and discovered Inspire online therapy then CBT. 2011 had heart attack and started planing my escape. 2018 moved to NC. Far enough away and close enough to be independent but able to keep in touch. So to answer you, I lived long enough that society started to change enough for me to stop running in place and figure out that I was enough. In therapy ( talk therapy) I realized no one was left. I was where I wanted to be. Knew what I wanted and what I didn't. No-one who hurt me in any way can get to me anymore. I'm enjoying knowing that most are deceased and the few have lost that power. I enjoy shadenfrued. It works for me.
@lolaemma no one deserves to me treated that way and it is especially damaging as a child. Luckily you had your father to partially shield you from your mother.
I think it is good when people hear stories of success like yours. You are someone that got past their trauma. That doesn't mean it is completely gone by any means but you went to therapy and did the "work." That takes a strong person to face the problems that you didn't create, but were still yours just the same.
Everyone's motivation is different but I'm wondering if you'd share your motivation to do the "work?"
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Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@erikas my motivation was to live in the healthiest way with sanity and purpose. I have 18 descendents currently. My four children saw me at my most " stressed". It's time to leave memories of a strong person that never gave up.In Judaism we never were sure where we would die and how. The only intangible thing are memories.They can't be stolen or destroyed. We have a blessing " may you live a long life and have many descendents to honor your memory." That's paraphrased in translation. Also I am content with myself.
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Helpful -
Hug
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