Anyone Else With PTSD?

Dear Kimspre3 it is ok not to have to forgive anyone. It is they who have put you in the position to have to or to want to forgive them. To me it is wrong of them to put you in the position to want to forgive them. If they have had a change of heart and deserve forgiveness it is up to you. . If you need to do this to be happier then do what you need to do for yourself. Oh my it sounds like I am preaching but I do mean well for all of us. Peach

Hi, My Dear Peach, you are not preaching, truth! Saw my Psychologist last week and I said to her, "I have no idea why I tried to take my life when I was 15 yrs?" My father would not let me leave his site, he was worried. She tried to get me to try and go back but I told her, "I have no idea" I brought this up because It has been popping up out of the blue after all these yeas????

I can't forgive them, I loath them with every part of me. I will never forgive my mother, My father I forgive. He came from a violent home and he was diagnosed bipolar. I'm not if he was? I don't forget though. I'm not happy and this medical problem has taken so much me. Sleep well Peach

@jeanie26 Hi Jeanie, I wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing. It has been a while since you posted here and you were talking about how best to use your experiences in the past to help others. Although we cannot change what has happened to us, which you also mentioned, we can use events as stepping stones to raise us above our situation and help us see clearer sometimes. How have you been able to use your experiences to assist others? I am sure that many of us would like to understand how to do that!
Ginger

@gingerw I found that when I was asked about situations other were having that are similar to mine the PTSD was triggered to the point I could no longer talk to a long time because I was too stressed by the things she was asking about and sharing tests that she was having done. Those down there things. I am thankful she is not close by. I can no longer tolerate her telling me about these things. I have tried to tell this long time friend-she doesn't understand how severe the PTSD has been and the memories it loosens through my mind and body. She knows some of my past and due to the severity I don't share share the really bad stuff. No one needs to know!!! Sorry, been kind of distressed as of late. Oh gee, not making sense. These awful memories. Time to get busy doing something.

@parus- Hello. One thing that I find when memories attack me is to remember that they are just that, memories. They happened "ago". And it has been shown that our memories do not give us an accurate account "today." I am not saying that my memory is inaccurate in it's facts, but certainly time and other experiences have colored them.
I don't blame you for phasing out your friendship. One thing about friendships, we have to listen and understand. If that doesn't happen there's no reason to be friends. That must have been a sad day when you said good by to her in your heart, and maddening too!
lol- You are making perfect sense. PTSD is not a friend. How is your health and rest?

@parus I agree that remembering can be so stressful. Like @merpreb said it is all in the past. But the events color our life, hopefully after a long time it is just a tint, but still there, I know. You are stronger for being a victor over everything, remember that!
Ginger

@parus Depression, anxiety, PTSD, claustrophobia and a bunch of other things are a total mystery to many of the people who have never experienced them. Stigma is alive and well, I'm afraid.

I had an MRI last week and told the referring doctor that I was claustrophobic. She must have no idea what that means. She prescribed Ativan to take an hour ahead and a second one 15 minutes ahead. First, it's on my drug allergies list, and second, I've been taking Clonazepam for years, which is one of Ativan's cousins, so it had zero effect on me. A panic attack started before I got six inches into the machine. I closed my eyes and focused on arranging chords for a song we sing at church, and I managed to stop the panic in time.

I think PTSD has connections with panic/anxiety disorder. It generates some of the same signs in me.

I hear people all the time say that I have to let go of the past and its hurts. That the past is gone. That I shouldn't (there's that dread word, should) let my past control my present. But, the past has affected and shaped me, for good or for ill. I never hear anyone say that I need to let go of the good things in my past, yet they've also been part of the shaping process.

I'm afraid that I have selective remembering. I remember the things that aren't important and forget things that are.

I've been exposed to mindfulness many times over the past 15 years, and one thing that is stressed is not to deny my past, and not to shove it out of my mind, but to acknowledge the memories. That doesn't mean to dwell on them, but to respond to the memories in the positive ways I've learned in mindfulness training. I find that when I can do that, I'm able to move on and not become trapped by the past pain. It hasn't ceased to exist. It just doesn't have as much control over me that it use to.

We're all works in progress, aren't we.

Jim

@jimhd - Good morning. That must have been a frustrating and scary experience prior to and at the beginning of the MRI. The same thing happened to me a few months ago. When I was on the MRI table I could feel myself tense and thought, Oh ..... I yelled out, " stop" as the table started to go into the machine. The technician came in the room and talked to me. He put a light scarf over my head and just a bit of a corner allowed me to see what was going on. I've also been given the wrong drugs for different things. So what I do now is ask what is being prescribed and any side effects I might experience before the doctor leaves the room. This way I can control a situation like you mentioned. Drugs can be ordered so quickly with a computer that if a doctor hit the send key, it's too late to discuss anything, and you have a new prescription waiting for you.
Of course the past does shape and effect us, a lot. That doesn't mean that we have to carry it around and let it dictate how we react to those memories our entire lives. We can stuff them away, maybe not permanently, but for at least some of the time. It's amazing how many insensitive people there are that mean well but do not know how to do that. Other than walking away from them you might say, "sounds like you have through this, what's your secret?" By the way I struggled to come up with this one.
After 10 years of being free from my first cancer I had a new one, much different than the first. I was shocked beyond words. That started my journey of PTSD, migraines, etc. My upbringing and my sense of of the world around me came barreling in, like a tsunami overwhelming a beach. I fell asleep to the word, get over it by many people. It has taken me years to do just that but only after years of trying to deal with each situation.
When I remember it, I try to be mindful. I try to do the things that keep me healthy both physically and mentally but sometimes I don't.
One thing that I have to remember is that I am only remembering the past and it is the memory that hurts or makes me fearful. I find that I am not always successful in thinking positively about them. How do you do this?

Dear Parus, Peach here again. My PTSD never leaves me completely. Whenever I hear a child crying as I shop in Publix (grocery store) it brings back my ptsd memories and I want to lash out at the person doing this to the child. There was a time when I would leave the store and return when this person was gone. The ugly memories were brought back to me when hearing the child's cries. This is now a little better with time. To help this I force back memories until I remember some of the few times I found solace in the beauty of the small but good things you see in our life. I hone in on this piece of beauty going over it with it's goodness again and again. (Like the tiny morning glory that I found hiding under a bush. But it was alive and brought me into a tender moment of loveliness. The strength that this tiny flower had to be alive gave me strength. I cried a good cry and it was very healing. We must hold on. It is hard to do this but when I need to I think of this beautiful tiny morning glory flower holding on in the only way it knew how. There is love for us but we must, must love our selves. I hear you and there are many of us who do hear you. Just some of us cannot answer you as yet. They are working on healing in themselves but are still thing of you. Love, love anf love. Peach and the rest of us.

Not finished yet. Maybe I am wrong but you do not want to talk to your friend of what memories are hurting you. Say it, get it out stop holding it in. Yes it certainly is embarrasing, So what? Get it out somehow. Then start to live and also remember of the lovely morning glory. With care and love Peach