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The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
Caregivers | Last Active: 2 hours ago | Replies (325)Comment receiving replies
@dianaml
I am relatively new at caregiving, 3 yrs in. I totally relate to your feelings of frustration, anger not at him, but of our situation. My husband has very severe back pain as well as Parkinson’s. Cognitive issues are appearing every day now. He’s just so needy and I work so hard to keep him comfortable, nutrition, med schedules, and doing the activities he enjoys. He is processing things very slowly and I know I need to give him more time to respond and initiate movement. I’m trying to give myself some forgiveness in my frustration about trying to have a normal life. I know he didn’t sign up for this and I didn’t either so I need help in accepting how this life is going to move forward without resentment and loss of hope.
Replies to "@dianaml I am relatively new at caregiving, 3 yrs in. I totally relate to your feelings..."
@cath50
Yes I understand...it's tough. He forgets so many recent conversations. Cannot seem to keep dates and times straight. Hard to make plans. If I try to correct, which all the literature says never do, he accuses me of having to always be right. I feel like I just can't win.
@cath50 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I know that you been on the sidelines for about 1 year, but today you really joined in because you wrote a message of your own! Have you been able to learn from the other members in this discussion group? I hope so and i hope that you’ll continue with this discussion!
@cath50, acceptance is hard and an ongoing project, especially since every day brings new challenges to accept. Often anger, resentment, loss of hope come before acceptance. I don't think they can be avoided. Might it help to see resentment and loss of hope as stepping stones on the way to daily acceptances?
How are you doing today?
@cath50 With constant needs, changes and frustrations I can only tell you I rotate between anger, hopelessness and acceptance. If the first two ever overcome the third I will have to make different arrangements, but so far I am able to have moments of the first two, followed by accepting that caring for him is my purpose right now. I have let out loud sighs, and then had to explain to him I am frustrated by his symptoms, which I know are also frustrating for him, and not frustrated with him personally. It's a reminder for both of us when I say this. Wishing you well and peace of mind, which is hard to maintain in these situations!
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@cath50
Oh how I can relate! Hold on and take care of yourself the best you can. If you are able to leave him alone, take day trips take overnight trips whatever it takes. Thinking of you!