DNR or Full Code for Resuscitation?

@grrranny
In California, my Kaiser insurance company is more than happy to give you a DNR to complete . It is a very personal decision. If you don't understand something, you need to talk to somebody you trust to explain it to you. It seems overwhelming, but it's not, you just have to get in, read it, and answer the questions. I'm 75 and haven't done mine yet. At this time, I want full code and want to be resuscitated. There are some things in the DNR that I probably won't want done to me, and those issues are also in the DNR.

@linh I don’t understand. Why would a DNR person be in an intensive care ward to begin with?

@grrranny
I have a horror story about what happened to my Mother-In-Law. She had her daughter in charge of her care. She got so she couldn’t live by herself anymore. Not one of the kids took her in. My husband and I did. They informed us that we should call hospice. Immediately we knew that wasn’t needed. I worked with her to get her strength back. She had gotten so that she couldn’t even get out of a chair because they bought her one of those electric recliners that lifted you out of the chair. In general, she was very weak, but she recovered her strength quickly. They had done a lot of other stupid things. One of which, she had dental work that was extremely difficult to daily remove and replace. It should have been fixed! She thrived at our house. We had one problem that made it impossible for us, two full-time truck drivers, to care for her. I spent the entire time trying to remedy the situation.

She would get up at night to use the bathroom. When she did, she sometimes fell, and you would have to take her to emergency to make sure she didn’t hurt herself. One of the many things she did was when I bought an alarm that attached to her shirt and when she got up, the alarm would go off. She would take her shirt off and get up without setting off the alarm. Fast forward and regrettably we gave notice and she went to her other son’s house. Wasn’t there long and he put her in a nursing home. While she was there, we believe one of the attendants broke her jaw attempting to take out the dental device. Kaiser wrapped gauze around her head and sent her back to the nursing home. She had a DNR in place and one of the boxes that someone checked was that they could withdraw food and liquids. By the time we were told, it was too late. When she finally passed, she looked like a dried-up piece of leather.

All I can say is choose wisely who you decide to oversee making decisions. Like someone said, if you are frail, that could be a reason not to have CPR. Or living with certain attachments like a feeding tube. My dad had a feeding tube at home, and we used a lift to take him out to the living room daily for the last year of his life. He and the family enjoyed every minute of it. He had an amazing personality and sense of humor. We kept him at home to spend time with him and because he would not be able to defend himself in a nursing home or hospital. We were with him 24 hours a day while he had was there. It was hard on us to be there, and we brought him home and did everything that would have been done at the facilities. Not everyone can do that, but we were blessed with that ability. My dad always wanted full code, and he didn’t want to fill out a DNR. We decided that the only thing we were against was CPR. As frail as he was, it would have broken every one of his ribs.

I heard someone say, 'Stop buying things that make your life easier.' This quote came to mind when I read about the lift chair. I really think life is meant to be hard. You have to struggle, to strive. It is the only way to stay strong while slowly slipping away a day at a time.

How did this get from a DNR discussion to a debate on trusts?

@kjoed53

I wondered too.

Dear Grrranny-

A few years ago the multi-generational community where I live decided to install a CPR device in the community house and train everyone in basic CPR. The CPR machine gives instructions, so you don't need to memorize the techniques.
I agreed that this was a good thing for the community, but after it was done, and following up on research about the poor chances (for me, at 76) of healthy recovery from CPR, I talked with our community nurse and gave her a DNR notice from my doctor.

At the time I was clear that it was the most reasonable decision, but must admit I felt a bit of quivering at the thought that I refusing a potential treatment that might have a small chance of extending my life.

Since then, recently, one of my dearest friends has been diagnosed with advanced cancer with no real treatment options. Seeing her struggle against the brutally advancing pain as she tries to complete a few tasks to bring her life to a clear end is hard to witness. It's not certain how long this will go on. It depends on where the cancer attacks next.

So, my friend is helping me feel at peace with my decision about CPR. My end-of-life papers and preparations are done. I am generally healthy and active. The thought that I may some day have a heart attack and die quickly is a peaceful thought.
That could be a lucky way to go.
And I think of this with gratitude and love for my friend.

@edsutton I agree Ed.
When you walk through a cemetery and notice the ages of many of those who are there and realize that reaching even age 70 is remarkable...certain decisions about DNR/DNI etc. can actually be a realistic, intelligent and best decision due to several circumstances.
We who have reached 70 and beyond are very fortunate with having reached that age yet we also have to think about all you have posted and mentioned in being prepared and knowing a good, wise and hopefully best decision and outcome in an inescapable life event.
Have a great day. Wishing your friend a great day also knowing you care.
Barbara

@gloaming This is a very thought provoking post. I agree with most of your thoughts and my life is still good. Have a great day and thanks for the excellent advice.

@gloaming
For sure. especially when there are things even old people can do with gentle exercising to strengthen their bodies. When my mother-in-law came to live with us, within a week, she was getting in and out of all of our chairs without any help. Sadly, the only thing we couldn't fix was her getting up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and falling. I slept on the floor in front of her bed, kept records and measured her intake/output and made adjustments. Surely it would have worked for some people. but not her. She was quite the character! Caring for our elderly family is so rewarding and such a blessing.