I can assure you that you are not alone, @parus.

In addition to the Members that Justin has listed you can also search out PTSD discussions by going up to the search function at the top of the screen (it looks like a magnifying glass) and type in PTSD, then hit "enter". You will see all of the posts that mention this very difficult disorder. You will certainly read a lot about experiences with PTSD and how varied those experiences are in their origin, but how similar they are in their effect on an individual's' life. Some cases of PTSD come from military experience, others from abuse experiences (either as a child or adult), the effects of being a victim of crime, or even from being in the ICU and having a near-death experience from health and/or accident incidents.

By reading through those posts you might see one that is similar to yours and you can begin to post with that Member about tools that they have developed to deal with PTSD. As we all live in community - it is wonderful to be able to share with others.

Teresa

@parus

I have PTSD for multiple reasons. I was an EMT for a number of years, and saw a lot of grisly scenes, checking for pulses or signs of life on people in vehicles that were mangled, sitting with dead bodies, waiting for the coroner...; abuse by bosses; libel and slander; failed suicide attempts. I didn't serve in the military, so it's called civilian PTSD. I think everyone handles traumatic events in different ways, and it's very misunderstood. People with PTSD have to deal with judgment, criticism, being labeled. Recovery, I would think, could be long and hard, and is paired with mental health issues, which complicates things. For me, it exacerbates depression and anxiety. One thing has an effect on the other. In therapy I've learned that traumatic events from the distant past still affect my depression.

Jim

Hi Jim, @jimhd, I appreciate your insightful explanation of your PTSD symptoms and their origins. Perhaps @parus will have some insight into PTSD now as well.

Teresa

Wouldn't it be great to be able to put the past behind oneself, to not affect one's present life. But I have learned, a learning curve of decades, that child abuse will manifest symptoms in adult life. I, too, have anxiety and depression disorders and it ruins the quality of my life.

@sue1

So true, Sue. That which we don't deal with, has a way of dealing with us, doesn't it?

Teresa

yes, i have been abused since i was born. the memories never stop. somehow we live. as the years go by the memories are less painless. but when there are many, many memories of the abuse it takes longer. it is easy to feel sorry for myself but sometimes believe it or not, sometimes it helps to remember knowing that it is over and to continue to try to love myself. thinking as bad as it was for me, there are others who have been treated worse. whenever i can, i help others when i can. the worst part of my problems is that i have no family and am pretty much alone. (i do have a few friends).

@peach414144 Friends are a good thing! We can't pick our families, but we can pick our friends!

Teresa

thank you for that. friends are true whether they say right or wrong. it is usually for your good.

@peach. I understand your pain, having been physically abused (my dad broke my nose, my ankle, three ribs and used to beat us with a belt until our butts bled) and sexually abused - dad again - (as were my 3 sisters). For me, family earns trust just like friends. In the great words of Martin Luther King, I judge a person by their character. "Blood" doesn't mean squat. I have great friends that are part of my family and "family" I wouldn't give the time of day. You and I are SURVIVORS! Hold your head up! They didn't break us! They are no longer allowed to have power in our lives. My mom divorced my dad but the JUDGE in the divorce allowed my dad unsupervised visitation even though the divorce decree stated my father had physically and sexually abused all four of his daughters!!! (My two older sisters had to testify.) My mom refused to let us go and we refused to have any contact with him. He was not an alcoholic or a drug addict. He was bipolar. If I could go back in time, I would beat the crap out of that judge for throwing us all under the bus. At any rate, it took me years of therapy to become truly functional. I mean, I did well in school and had a good job and stuff (all my sisters did, too, in spite of everything), but to stop the nightmares and not jump at certain triggers or get enraged, I was lucky to have good therapists, antidepressants that worked and my faith to fill the empty, dark hole in my soul. I empowered myself by getting a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and learning how to shoot and handle a gun. I am blessed in many ways. I have so much love from my children, grand children, sisters, husband, etc. I am so glad you can help others. I try to do so, too. I share so you know you are not alone. I don't feel comfortable sharing all, but enough just to let you know my childhood was rough. I pray you can find that peace that surpasses all understanding! I am so glad you found Mayo Connect. I think you can find help as well as give help and hope to others!

the laws in the courts need changing so badly. both my mother and father were mentally unbalanced. so no one to turn to. i was starved. when they cleaned the wooden desks in school with banana oil my stomach hurt and my mouth watered because it smelled like food. my sisters still treat me as when we were young which is why i have nothing to do with them for many years. perhaps you have not read my previous notes which is why i truly, truly have been where you have with the beatings and everything else. i can understand every word you are presenting, every word. i understand your suffering most definitly and cry for you and your sisters. i have walked in your shoes and i understand. i was as mad as you and maybe more so. now the hate within me has been somewhat tamed. perhaps because i am 80 years of age. but it never stops and it seems i will take it to the grave with me. BUT I WILL NOT LET IT TAKE OVER. NEVER AGAIN. THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IS TO HAVE MORE CARE FOR THE MENTALLY ILL. as it stands now, there is not enough help for them which can save the children and others. with love.