Every single word you wrote mirrored my same mindset when I got ‘the news’. Obsession doesn’t even describe it!
Everything you are feeling is to be expected, normal and natural!
You don’t need drugs, you don’t need a shrink - you don’t need anything but a mental attitude: You have a problem and you need professional, expert help to solve it - you cannot do this by yourself by watching a Youtube video.
Learn what you can in the next few weeks, but DON’t try to become an expert; you will never know what your doctors know, but enough to ask pertinent questions.
The choice between surgery or radiation is always a very difficult one and many, many of us agonized over it.
In a sense, and this is only my opinion based on my experience and what I’ve read on this forum, your decision is a bit easier..,
Your cancer has already escaped the gland and it is in the nodes; simple removal (as if) is no longer a curative measure.
You will have to go after that cancer in the nodes and wherever else it might be: that usually involves radiation of some kind, probably with the addition of ADT. Your doctors will ((should!)) know what is best for your particular case.
Some men do both - surgery to get the bulk of the cancer out - followed by radiation to get the rest. That’s your choice but it’s really not necessary since today’s radiation therapy is incredibly powerful and precise and can take care of it all.
One caveat: Get the VERY BEST doctors for your treatment! Your condition is not a simple one for your local urologist or radiation center. Go with a big teaching hospital or center of excellence (COE); this is not the time to worry about distance, travel time or inconvenience. This is a pivotal moment which will impact the REST of your life!
Get the BEST treatment available and then put yourself in your cancer team’s hands. You will survive this in much better shape than you think!
Best of Luck,
Phil