I want life to end & don't know what to do. Been here?

I don't know what to do anymore. Everyday I have persistent thoughts questioning why I have to continue living. I'm a 27 year old woman, I live in a big city, I have a cool job, I have some friends but most live far away. I try to be grateful for what I have but seeing others live such fulfilling lives makes me want mine to end. It seems like I'm always the only co-worker with zero weekend plans ever. I genuinely don't understand how everyone seems to have so much to do. I try to befriend my coworkers but they have enough close friends. I've tried to go out to art classes or groups on the weekend and most of the time came home in tears. I don't date and never have even though it was my dream to have a family one day. My brain tells me they would just leave such a boring gross person like me.

I've tried multiple therapists and counselling for nearly 6 years now, I'm also on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication. I've seen no difference and if anything the thoughts of wanting to die are more persistent like it's what I'm supposed to do. I cannot stand being alive. The only reason I don't end it is because I'm scared of becoming permanently injured instead of dying. I self harm constantly, especially if I do something embarrassing or mess up.

The thing is, I don't understand how to change this and honestly I don't know if I even want to. I've thought about applying for medically assisted death if I ever could be eligible. I just keep showing up to work so I don't lose my apartment. Most days I get home and cry, self harm, and try to find some way to end this.

At the same time I wish I had a reason to live or something to hold on to but simply don't. I don't have any family, no real close friends, I don't enjoy anything because everything I would enjoy seems out of reach.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? Does it get better or should I just not bother?