Living with Neuropathy - Welcome to the group

@jessamyn

What a heavy load you're carrying. I understand how your mother feels. When suffering lasts for a long time and completely takes over one's life, it erodes the will to live. Living turns into existing, and when we exist at that level long enough, hope disappears.

I've been at that place. I existed in a very deep depression for more than 5 years, and actually did make suicide attempts during that time. Over the course of those rough years, therapists and doctors and medications and my family and my faith were the lifeline that extracted me from the hole. And they continued to get me to a safe place where I wouldn't fall back in. I still struggle, more than 15 years from when I spiraled out of control.

Do take her thoughts about wanting to die seriously. Has she ever said what her plan was? If she's thinking about taking an overdose, you will need to keep medications locked up, and be diligent about making sure she takes them (to be sure she's not hoarding them).

Spirituality can be a powerful resource for you. Are there things that have helped you, such as meditation? If so, maybe you could tell me just what meditation means. There are many methods, some that are great and some that can be harmful. From all you've said, I can see that you understand the need for self care.

I have to stop writing now, but I promise you that I'll pray for you as you deal with some difficult issues.

I pray that you will have peace of mind and heart. You are loved by the one who created you.

Jim

Thank you for acknowledging the heaviness of my load.
My mom doesn’t have a plan.
She doesn’t actually want to die, but has lost a lot of the will to live:/
Warmly
Jessamyn

@contentandwell I went to the Dr for an injection and asked about the osteoporosis and the cortisone he said there is very little amount of the cortisone that is wouldnt hurt . I get another injection in 4 months. It did help relieve the pain,not as bad now .

Thanks, @lioness Right now my bursitis seems to be less severe than usual so I'm not pushing for anything, but I know it will return.
I feel like everything I do has as many negatives as positives! I am trying very hard to be active and get exercise in but of course the more active I am the more my bursitis hurts.

I haven't had an outside walk for a few days so I really wanted to today but the high temperature today is forecast as being 32°! I don't know if I really want to bundle up to walk.
JK

@contentandwell @lioness. I have hip bursitis and S I joint disfunction for a couple of months now, my orthopedic doctor gave me a cortisone shot, then recommended PT. I don't think the shot did much. PT was helpful but it's still there. He doesn't want to give me any more shot. Now I'm feeling discomfort in the other hip. I'm just about giving up. I've not been walking much but today I ventured to Starbucks which took me 40 minutes! Almost twice the time it normally takes. My physical therapists use laser to bring down the inflammation and gave me lots of exercise to do at home. They don't accept my Medicare HMO, but they do give me a cash discount which still costs an arm and a leg. Fortunately my daughter had arranged with them to bill her from now on. I hope I'll get better soon, my next trip to my orthopedic doctor will be for my spinal stenosis which too had gotten worse with all that sitting in the last 9 months. I have never been sedentary in my life until this year. Enough venting, sorry. Just found out my hip doctor is the team doctor for the football team the Chargers!

@contentandwell @lioness. I have hip bursitis and S I joint disfunction for a couple of months now, my orthopedic doctor gave me a cortisone shot, then recommended PT. I don't think the shot did much. PT was helpful but it's still there. He doesn't want to give me any more shot. Now I'm feeling discomfort in the other hip. I'm just about giving up. I've not been walking much but today I ventured to Starbucks which took me 40 minutes! Almost twice the time it normally takes. My physical therapists use laser to bring down the inflammation and gave me lots of exercise to do at home. They don't accept my Medicare HMO, but they do give me a cash discount which still costs an arm and a leg. Fortunately my daughter had arranged with them to bill her from now on. I hope I'll get better soon, my next trip to my orthopedic doctor will be for my spinal stenosis which too had gotten worse with all that sitting in the last 9 months. I have never been sedentary in my life until this year. Enough venting, sorry. Just found out my hip doctor is the team doctor for the football team the Chargers!

@jessamyn

Not wanting to live because of chronic, unrelenting pain is understandable. It's no fun for family members or caregivers, but it's a reality. Except for a brief period when I was 39 and working in a very stressful, dysfunctional environment, I was never a worrier. My father raised us to look for the good in every person and situation. I enjoyed my work.

Now I have days when I pray that God will let me leave this world and wake up in heaven, free of pain and depression. I'm thankful that I'm in a much better place than I was in the early years of 2000. I know that I made life difficult for my wife and kids. I keep the thoughts about heaven to myself. I can understand how distressing it is to hear that someone you care for doesn't want to live.

Have you ever been in a support group that addresses ways to cope with stressors like that? Or talked about it with a counselor? It's good to know that you participate in the groups you mentioned. Keep on doing the things that strengthen you.

Jim