Connect
← Return to Things never change
Discussion
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 4 hours ago | Replies (22)
Comment receiving replies
He got mad at me the first time I threw him out of bed and told me he wanted a divorce. I was so upset with things that are going on with him, his deterioration, yelling at me, etc. that I agreed and started looking up lawyers.
After his first night on the sleeping bag he recanted.
Replies to "He got mad at me the first time I threw him out of bed and told..."
Connect
@kartwk Your journey sounds exactly the same as what I went through for the last 8 months. It started out with the confusion, forgetfulness, accusations, trouble with conversations, inability to use the TV remote or his phone, etc. Progressed to not showering, shaving, trimming nails. Sat all day watching westerns on tv. Then finally stopped eating, gradually losing 100 pounds, lost all his muscle mass, had trouble walking, many falls.
He didn't have a diagnosis, and by the time his PCP realized something was wrong, H refused to leave the house to get an MRI or see the neurologist. We didn't get a diagnosis until we landed in the ER, where they were finally able to do an MRI: end stage vascular dementia. One month later, he passed away.
For the last eight months we fought, argued, threatened divorce, etc. Now I realize he just couldn't help himself. Now I have regrets: if only I had known had bad his condition was; if only I had managed it differently; if only I had realized how fast this was going to progress.
The key to the diagnosis was the MRI, which showed extensive white matter damage. There's nothing at that stage that they could have done to stop it or slow it down, but at least I would have known. And there are medications that can help to some extent with his depression, anxiety, paranoia.
Through all of this, his PCP was not helpful at all. I couldn't convince him that H needed help. Now I realize that I should have tried harder to have him seen by a neurologist much earlier in this journey, when I definitely knew something was wrong.
If his PCP refuses to do a referral, maybe you can meet privately with the PCP and explain all the symptoms that he's been having, and how they are progressing. Or try to get a second opinion. A last resort is ER, where they can do all the necessary tests and consult with the appropriate specialists; but be sure to stay with him throughout his time in ER, where his symptoms will likely take a steep downturn.
You're in the most difficult journey of your life. It's a journey none of us wanted, but you will get through it. Be kind and forgiving to yourself.