Feeling guilty re: trying to get better after being depressed so long

Keep getting better. What you may be experiencing is the view (healthy) you have in the rearview mirror (not so healthy) of how difficult it was then with a sense of disbelief that "Why did I have to struggle so hard? And who did what to me to put me there (anger)."
It's recognized as cognitive dissonance. Kinda of like having been confined to a cage, and then realizing there was no lock on the door. You could have walked out any time.
Also the "old you" doesn't want to let go so easily and tries to
pull you back. Some call it habit.
Stay with health and your future.

@justagirlwhoyaps No, it's not strange at all. We get used to being a certain way, behaving a certain way. It's familiar, it's comfortable. Perhaps not healthy, but it's a known situation. Then we step outside that comfort zone and look at helping ourself, exploring how to feel better/do things in a more healthy manner. And find that it's wasn't a difficult thing to reframe our thinking. Our "old" way of thinking was familiar, and our brain would like us to believe that was the best/easiest route. When we put effort into changing things up, and find it's working, we might beat ourself up for not doing it earlier. Don't do that! You're making changes now, for the better, and that is what counts. Please be gentle on yourself.
Ginger

@gingerw Such sound advice to all of us who are learning new ways of relating and reacting. At 85, I'm still learning and sometimes I find that sliding back into old habits is much to easy, but the new responses and reactions are so rewarding. Nonetheless, sometimes it is hard to stick with them.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Depression is real. And left untreated it's dangerous. It might be medical, it might be environmental, it might be from confusion regarding how to approach life, it could be any combination of the three, or involve other factors as well. You've experienced depression and you continue to. For you it's real and that's all that matters. There's nothing fraudulent about it. If your therapist is pointing you in the direction of thinking it is fraudulent, seek out someone else who will instead help you discover what is going on and point you in positive directions, as well assist you in getting medical attention if needed.

You're not going to find healing in guilt, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Depression is not your fault. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I provided lengthy reflections from my own long history of depression on your other thread, and I'm not going to bore you with it again, so here I'll just add that I'm pulling for you. Keep us updated.

@justagirlwhoyaps I know the guilt feelings. It hits me hardest when someone tells me I should be over the depression, etc., by now. I feel guilty that I've been depressed for more than 20 years, despite medication and therapy. But I came to accept the fact (or possibility) a few years ago that I might experience mental health issues the rest of my life. That's helped me be at peace with myself, just the way I am.

Then there's the difference between guilt and shame, another lesson I worked on quite a bit. Neither one was helpful moving forward. But over time, it's possible to make progress. Be encouraged with that.

Jim

I would like to know what part of the therapy was effective.
As a woman I am having trouble getting past the grief of widowhood.
I am 80 & wonder why I am still here.

I don't think anyone has any real control over being depressed, you don't wake up or sit there one day and decide " I am going to be depressed". trying to deal with it is a battle. Those idiots who say " just get over it" all you can do is realise the level of jackass stupidity you're dealing with feel sorry for them and walk away you don't need their crap. I am recently diagnosed as Bipolar, having dealt with depression for quite a while (sometimes I wondered if I was other times I didn't realise ). Lately that pit (as I call it) has been really bad. I cannot just get over it; I won't apologise for something over which I have no control., neither will I feel guilty and you shouldn't either.