Lost in love, maybe

I’ve liked this guy for nearly two years now. We’re extremely close in all aspects and he’s one of my best friends. I’m not sure how to navigate my feelings. I don’t want to say it’s love but not because I don’t love him but because I’m afraid of realizing how deep in I am. Of course I love my friend, but it feels like it’s developed into something deeper.

He’s talked to other girls, I’ve talked to other guys, but neither seems to work out for the both of us. He’s confessed that he liked me and I always had my suspicions and I believe he still likes me now.

I find myself feeling guilty about not liking seeing him with other girls or being interested in other girls. I get rather jealous and I’ve never really been jealous until him. Don’t get me wrong, he brings out the best in me. Makes me want to be better and love myself more. He’s kind, gentle, loving and so patient with me even at my worst. And I am the same with him. I carry a lot of baggage and I’ve been struggling with that recently. It’s taken a bit of an impact in our relationship and we’re not really talking that much at the moment (purposefully), but we still check in with each other to make sure the other is okay.

I miss him. I like him a lot. Perhaps I love him, but I don’t want to rush things with this one. I don’t want to lose him because of my mental health which is a reason why I’m trying to get better. He loves seeing me happy and so do I. Hes considerate about my feelings and does his best to be there for me and help even if he doesn’t understand at the moment. I love nearly everything about my best friend. I’m just terrified that of losing him because of my romantic feelings for him. I don’t want to risk that but at the same time there’s no one else I want other than him. Am I doomed?