Anyone feel they made major life mistakes that are not forgivable?

Posted by elainer12 @elainer12, Mar 27 10:54pm

I’m in my 60s and have realized I made major mistakes in my life that I cannot make amends for. I’ve always had a strong faith in God and feel now that God will not forgive me. I married a man that I did not love because I wanted to be married and have a family. I grew up an only child with no extended family and difficulty making friends. I thought love for my husband would develop out of our friendship, but it didn’t because of his anger issues. We have two adult sons. The older one barely keeps in touch and the younger one has undiagnosed depression and anger issues. I have seen a therapist who said I should try to forgive myself. I have tried to be a good wife and mother. I have prayed for forgiveness and admitted my mistakes. I want to pray to God for help but feel unworthy. Being Jewish, I have the belief in God’s attribute of justice as well as mercy. How can I move forward? How can God forgive me?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

mtnmarge | @mtnmarge | 18 hours ago

In reply to @elainer12 "@kathren1313 My husband and I have encouraged him to see a therapist but he refuses to..." + (show)

@elainer12 The therapist is correct - and you know that. Start taking care of yourself - your son need to do the same. He knows he is depressed and he knows there is help for him. If he refuses - for whatever the reason - the onus is on him, not you.

slarson14 | @slarson14 | 17 hours ago

In reply to @elainer12 "@kathren1313 My husband and I have encouraged him to see a therapist but he refuses to..." + (show)

@elainer12 I have four kids. No, you cannot control someone else's behavior.

I had four children; two boys and two girls.

Now I know very well, two grown women and two grown men. I used to worry constantly about the "children", how they are doing, managing life, their ups and downs.

All my worrying did nothing; it didn't help, it didn't make me feel any better. So I started calling them women and men, not my "children". Having children is simply a phase in my life, not a forever role.

So I stopped worrying. Cold turkey.

Did they worry about me? No. Did they appreciate my worry and my laying awake at night? No. My emotional turmoil? No.

I asked myself those things in the mirror. The answer was no to everything. In addition, I considered my expectations of the role these four were to play in my life and my expectations were - to put it mildly, stupid.

I should not expect my grown kids to need me for anything nor should I expect them to care about me simply because I was the mother they were born to.

Kids are simply a gift from God for the time they are kids. Once they are adults, they make choices I cannot be responsible for.

I decided my job as a parent was over. I mourned the role for a year or two and sad as it felt:

I feel free and happy now. I did my job the best I could. I no longer am responsible for their lives.

They are: because they are adults.

Hang in there. No we can't control their behavior and I keep my distance so I don't watch or see them do stupid things and make poor choices. Experience is now their teacher, not me.