@jimhd I would definitely get another opinion on stopping meds. I have gone to Mayo for IV ketamine and they helped me manage my meds before starting but certainly no blanket “stop all meds” (they had me start one, and stop another - not at the same time, it was a slow process to get everything stable). Just to let you know that this very reputable clinic doesn’t have you stop all meds. Even when I get treatment elsewhere, I continue to follow the Mayo protocol as far as dosing, and the frequency recommended by my Mayo psychiatrist.

Depression is often a horror story that only you see. I’m sorry that your loved ones don’t quite understand the depth of your suffering. It can be really hard to not be understood in that way. Maybe if you got a consultation for ECT and brought your wife along, the clinicians could reassure her it’s not like what is shown in the movies?
I personally have reservations about ECT because of the potential for memory loss, but otherwise it’s definitely on my list of things to try at some point.