Anyone feel they made major life mistakes that are not forgivable?

@shmerdloff
Also, Ashley Montague commented that our lives are a violin concert at Carnegie Hall, and the first time we are given the instrument is when we walk out on the stage.

@edsutton very well said. Thank you

At least you have a conscience and feel guilt/remorse for past mistakes and transgressions. That is more than we can say for many people.

Kids: we all have expectations of our kids, even when they are out of our nest. Assuming your boys (grown men) are over 21 it is their turn to make choices and decisions; whether they have depression or not; lots of adults have depression and mental health issues. You can't fix his depression and mental health issues and you likely didn't cause them either.

If one son doesn't come visit, it is his loss, not yours! Some day he will realize time was shorter on your end than his?

Let the boys go; you know you did the best you could do when you were there 24/7 as a mom.

Give yourself freedom and permission to live your last years in peace and happy. Try not to live: shoulda, coulda, woulda. That will get you nowhere fast.

RE: spouse: your spouse decided to marry you. It wasn't a one way deal, and you apparently aren't the only one who made the mistake. Marriage is 50/50 the day you marry. It was your spouse's decision to marry you. So let go of your guilt. He was an adult and could have said no.

You made a mistake: thinking friendship would grow into love. It didn't. Let the mistake go. Learn from it.

Hi, I just want to say that I have two boys also(I’m 73). #1 what I see is the boys are not like girls when it comes to relationships with “Mom.” When I hear that my nieces call my sisters everyday I am envious because I get a call once a week AND I was a GOOD mom. #2 they are busy with their kids, sports and work. Thank goodness for texting because that is usually an immediate response. Maybe try texting. Our kids/grandkids are from the electronic world. #3 I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life in marriage and child rearing. BUT I did the best I knew how—you have to give yourself some grace as no one is perfect! Try to forgive yourself and go to your Rabbi or priest to lift you up. I look at my church/religion as a place for sick people. We go for absolution and to strengthen our faith. Love them from afar and let them know you are always available if they need you. Forgiveness is a powerful tool—but you have to use it!!!

I struggled with guilt for having an abortion when I was younger. The guilt ate away at me for years. To make matters worse, I was never able to have a child and wanted one so badly when I got older. Now I am not Jewish but a Christian so I'm not sure you will be able to relate to my situation but I tried every to forgive myself. I finally was at a Catholic retreat ( I am a Lutheran) but when I confessed to the priest what I was going through, he told me it wasn't fair for me to judge that young girl with my present standards in life. I was finally able to really forgive that girl and hence my younger self. I now realize if God could forgive Saul/Paul who pursecuted Christians, he could forgive me.

I'm an 82-year old man. The various Twelve Step programs have done more for me than any religion approach did. They teach us how to overcome negative life issues like inability to achieve forgiveness for ourselves and make amends to others (Steps 8 and 9). They teach how to overcome shame, blame and remorse from our past negative acts.

@hoppy43 I agree that the Twelve Step programs have many helpful teachings. I still struggle with finding God’s will for me. Is it to stay with my husband? Also what do the Twelve Steps say about having an adult son who is angry, depressed and miserable in his life?

@elainer12
I am sorry about your son. Can you get him to go to a therapist or psychiatrist? I have suffered from depression for many years but I have taken several medications that have helped me so much. And talking to a good psychologist can teach him to think a different way which helps enormously. I am Kathy.

@slarson14 Excellent response. I know I keep blaming myself for various reasons that have occurred in the past. I have decided I did the best i could do considering the circumstances. I've had some issues that I used to blame on my family. Nay, it was ME that made the decision however good or bad it was. It is up to your sons to own up to their behavior and depression .
Yes, we all make mistakes and when we own up to them it becomes easier to rectify. ( I hope this makes sense

@kathren1313 My husband and I have encouraged him to see a therapist but he refuses to do that. This has made it very difficult for me so I am seeing a therapist. She has said that I can’t control his behavior and that I should try to do things that I enjoy. This is hard for me to do knowing how angry and miserable he is.