How do you deal with the waiting and loss of control?

So much good advice in this site. There is no need to repeat what you’ve already read. I had DCIS almost 15 years ago and was still surprised when I turned up with grade 3 IDC this past summer! I got the news two days before a bad case of Covid! I immediately reached out to some trusted family members and friends and asked for their best anxiety remedies. Not sure if this is for you, but CBD (no marijuana) gummies helped me at times. Exercise is my other fail proof remedy. Something to get out of your head and remind yourself that you have a good body (that is now growing cancer).

Anyway, my tip is to remember that when you read statistics (such as 30-50% of people with the type of cells that were seen in my mammogram indicate invasive cancer; or, 20% recurrence rate after treatment) that you have to look at the “other side” too - that meant that I had a 70% chance of not having cancer (didn’t beat that one) and now have an 80% chance of this cancer never coming back; half that if I keep with the hormone treatment). It’s so easy to get lost in the numbers.

Keep checking in with your gut and your heart. You will read positive stories here and many stories of problems so remember that breast cancer treatment works for huge numbers of women. You’ve got this.

I understand your dilemma, you are not alone!! I got breast cancer twice, second time around (26 years later) with no cancer gene!! I had my DNA tested. It's only 200.00+ if you can find 3 to 4 people in your family with cancer, and you find out what kind of cancer. Hopefully this will make you feel a little better. But, cancer is a roller coaster of a ride and you will go through highs of I got this, to the lows of I don't (got) this meaning that over whelming feeling. And it's normal, but, it's not normal to stay in bed for days. I have surmised that this is temporary!!!!! Horrible yes, but, temporary. You just have to fight like hell to stay with treatments and tell your brain to just relax! Very hard to do. But, you have to stop driving yourself crazy. the cancer can be self induced like smoking like a chimney and they die of lung cancer to having any of the bad cancers, triple negative, Her2 3+.HER 2 2+ and braca. If I missed some I do apologize. I am really talking about just cancer stuff folks. Starting phase two of treatments soon for herceptin and letrozole. I had a hell of a time with chemo. Just praying that phase two is easier on me. But, only time will tell. Keep your spirits up and have good people around you, helps. No one,... call Visiting Angels, call your breast navigator, PT, neighbors and anyone that will help , and be consistent with you. I learned to be my own advocate, but, need lots of reasearch,but pass that knowledge by your doctors and especially your oncologist. But, the oncologists, stay in their lane. With good reason, so you will need someone who has good medical knowledge about you to assist you in what would be the right medicines or supplements to use with your kind of cancer. The internet, sometimes, is the snake oil of our times and isn't helpful at all and shouldn't be followed. But, if you have reliable people that are knowledge let them help you. But, you are the ultimate person to maintain your quality of life before, after, and during the journey, which is temporary!!! Good luck,but you all are not alone.

Keep in mind that this is not an emergency.

When I was diagnosed I just wanted it out ASAP, and almost agreed to a treatment plan that my gut told me wasn’t the right one for me - I just wanted to get something done.

3 years out I am so glad I slowed down, asked questions & got a second opinion. Oddly, the experience has shown me how strong & resilient my body is!

As to the rabbit hole, stick to reputable sites - if the info is trustworthy it will show up on most sites, don’t chase the one offs. As others said, this site is a great place to ask questions to see if info is reputable.

I know this is an anxious time & waiting can be the hardest part. At the end of the day you need to be comfortable with the treatment plan you and your oncologist decide on.

So much good advice in this site. There is no need to repeat what you’ve already read. I had DCIS almost 15 years ago and was still surprised when I turned up with grade 3 IDC this past summer! I got the news two days before a bad case of Covid! I immediately reached out to some trusted family members and friends and asked for their best anxiety remedies. Not sure if this is for you, but CBD (no marijuana) gummies helped me at times. Exercise is my other fail proof remedy. Something to get out of your head and remind yourself that you have a good body (that is now growing cancer).

Anyway, my tip is to remember that when you read statistics (such as 30-50% of people with the type of cells that were seen in my mammogram indicate invasive cancer; or, 20% recurrence rate after treatment) that you have to look at the “other side” too - that meant that I had a 70% chance of not having cancer (didn’t beat that one) and now have an 80% chance of this cancer never coming back; half that if I keep with the hormone treatment). It’s so easy to get lost in the numbers.

Keep checking in with your gut and your heart. You will read positive stories here and many stories of problems so remember that breast cancer treatment works for huge numbers of women. You’ve got this.

To start, good that you’re here looking for guidance and support. What you’re feeling (and not wanting to) is very normal. We’ve all been there.

I’m in month 4 post diagnosis, just finishing radiation and doing very well. IDC Stage 1a Grade 1 ER+ HER2-

What worked for me during those days of panic, anxiety and denial was the following.
Talking to friends/family who have successfully navigated through breast cancer and can offer words of encouragement and guidance.
I also talked to medical friends who were able to guide me to good practitioners.
I read about my type of breast cancer only, and tried to stay away from others because there’s only so much you can take in. For me, knowledge was comforting, but you need to determine if that’s true for you. Some people are more comfortable following what they’re told by the docs without doing a lot of their own research.
Try to stay in the present rather than getting too far ahead of yourself. It will all play out the way it does. There will be more waiting and decision making than you think you can handle but you’ll get through it. Worrying won’t change any of the results. I read Eckhart Tolle and find his philosophy extremely helpful for staying in the now. If he’s not for you, finding someone or something that is; religion, etc. can provide comfort.
Work on accepting the truth of having cancer (takes time) but don’t let it define you. Do normal things, give yourself grace and find support wherever you can, including anxiety meds or therapy, even if temporarily to get you over the hump.

Best wishes. ♥️

I was surrounded by excellent drs. The put me in touch with the oncologist I needed and the min body-spiritual person I needed. I’m now doing meditation and tai chi. This helps a lot. I’m also with a nutritionist and adjusting my diet and recipes and my friends/support system is good. These were/are good starts for me along with keeping busy with things I had let go of like cleaning and gardening! Journaling this journey of my life is also helpful. Best of luck!