Husband passed away after 5 months fighting pancreatic cancer

@dj2121, that is so fast. Your world must have been and perhaps still is turned upside down. I want to let you know about the Loss & Grief support group here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/

This year of "firsts" without him must be especially hard. How are you doing?

@colleenyoung
Thank you for asking. Yes. It was and still is a traumatic experience for me. In many ways I believed he would "pull through", which gave us both false hopes and it caused me to feel as if I let him down somehow not acknowledging the inevitable. Of course, losing a beloved spouse from cancer is a terrible thing for the surviving spouse to experience. Just heart breaking. I'm doing the best I can. Day to day. Depression would love to take over my life, so I do struggle to maintain a healthy mind. So far so good. I'm still here. Like many, there are days that I wonder what my purpose is now that I am no longer a wife. I don't have that answer yet. Grief is powerful. Love is powerful too. I'm caught between the two. To answer you question; I'm Ok.

So sorry for your loss. My wife is only 59 and has been fighting through 3 chemo regimens and now a second clinical trial since June of ‘24.

We are running out of options, so I feel like I am straddling the world with and without her right now, and am working as hard as I can to stay present for her and our two kids (who are 18 and 20). She had an intestinal blockage from the main tumor at Thanksgiving, and making things she can eat and keeping her weight up is especially challenging right now.

It’s just really hard. My mind feels like a weathervane that changes direction every time she has a new or worsening symptom. So grateful for our 30 years together, but I am also not sure how I will feel and function on the other side of this experience.

@vannkraken I know what you are going through. The bond you two share are what's keeping you and your wife in motion. Just love each other, one day at a time.

Hello @dj2121

My condolences go out to you in the passing of your husband. It sounds as if you were married for many years. Is my understanding correct? On Connect, we have a Loss/Grief support group that you might take a look at. Here is the link to those discussions: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/
In these discussions, you will meet others who have lost a spouse (or other significant relationship due to death).

As I looked through these posts, I saw one quote that you can probably relate to: "Grief is like a heavy backpack. It doesn't get any lighter, but you better at carrying it."
This quote came from a discussion in the Loss/Grief support group. Here is the link to that discussion:
--My Wife Died Suddenly Next to me in bed after 40 wonderful years of marriage:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/my-wife-suddenly-died-next-to-me-in-bed-after-40-wonderful-years-of-ma/
Realize this process isn't quick, and give yourself as much time as you need. Does your community offer any grief support groups? Some organizations offer both in-person and virtual groups.

Grief is just love with no place to go.

@shelleyderish
So very sorry for everyone’s loss. Sad.
I remember when I was a kid breast cancer was a death knoll and look how far research has come with that.
After hearing an in law’s mother dying from it and so quickly ( found too late) it brought back memories of breast cancer as a death knoll. I wondered why it is taking so long to cure this and check it before it spreads I have joined the PanCan group and get info and donate when I can.
The key is research and we have appealed to Senators and Representatives to give to the research. There has got to be a way to catch this dreaded terrible disease and treat it early in order to finish it to nothing.
I will keep hoping and I am very sorry for the loss of your love ones. Let’s fight it for others.
Marylyn