I have been in Clonazepam 0.5mg TID for 18 years

My psychiatrist retired and I was left to find a replacement. It seems there are a majority of nurse practitioners these days taking patients as providers, many do not take insurance. I found a nurse practitioner with a very good educational background. I saw her in person and she renewed the medications I was in for 6 months. Next month we had a zoom meeting and she told me she wanted me off the Ambien and Clonazepam because I would get dementia or Alzheimer’s with long term use. She insisted I start tapering against my will. I had school phobia in grade school, began having depression symptoms in my 20’s, and in my late 20’s had two major panic attacks. I have been depressed with anxiety most of my adult life. I have been hospitalized twice because of this. I have never asked for an increase in dosage of Ambien or Clonazepam fur 18 years after I found a wonderful psychiatrist who was so good at medication management.
Now, tapering Ambien and Clonazepam I have started self mutilating by picking my fingers raw until they bleed. I can’t sleep at night, I have become socially phobic. I have become isolative and often think of suicide with no plan. I am 73 years old and I think it is so cruel to put me through this when all I want is to have quality of life, not quantity. I live with my husband in adult senior living which I have not adjusted to. Taking these meds away has decreased my desire to exercise and my endurance is decreasing. My new provider told me if I didn’t want to taper my medication that I should find a new one provider. I did manage to taper the Ambien but I am down to half of the Clonazepam and feel like I can’t go on. Please help me. I am on Paxil and Wellbutrin for depression but it is anxiety and insomnia making my life miserable. I am not the same person I was a year ago.
I feel miserable, she has destroyed any quality of life I had. I really don’t want to live anymore.