Regret: A decision made and I've lost purpose & motivation

I'm sorry you're feeling so regretful. I can assure you that everyone makes mistakes, it's part of life. That said, you sound like you might be depressed. If this has been going on for a long time, you might want to make an appt with your PCP to see if you can be referred to a therapist or at least provided with appropriate medication. Once you're received some help, I think those thoughts will lighten and be much easier to manage. Take care of yourself!

@carol222 you are amazing … having the energy still to be working and having a busy social life. Not knowing what you regret having done 40 years ago it’s difficult to say … but your post brought this quote to mind:

"Don't carry your mistakes around with you, place them on the floor and use them as stepping stones to where you want to go." -- Karon Waddell

carol222
Carl Jung said there are no mistakes in life. There is only "trying' and learning what he called anschlag.
Also, if you read Robert Sapolsky (brilliant)on free will and determinism, he says we do not have free will. Everything we are and have experienced, now and in all generations before, compels us to do what we do. We think we have free will and the responsibility and accountability for our "choices" in thought and action. "It's my fault."
We don't and it's not. You had to do what you did. You had no free will to make a choice.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Relax.

You said you love art. Do you like going to a museums or do you like painting, drawing making statues and other forms of art? I love going to museums with my daughter as she is an artist and she can explain things to me.. More than once, I have had a puzzling look on my face and she asked me what’s wrong and I said something don’t look right and then she explains things and then it comes together
Look into your community and see if they offer classes that you might be able to volunteer or take a group of people through a museum and look at different paintings and explain each painting to the group of people you have brought with you
I am so sorry to hear about your loss of interest
Take a look around you and it will come back
Wishing you the best

Hi, just FYI, if you are taking a blood pressure medicine like losartan I found out it can cause some depression. It is something the doctors do not tell you and I found it on the drug side effects as I was researching.

Some what, being eigthty &
Dealing with self discipline ?
My suggestion to you is to toughen up and get on with the things you love. Worrying about something that happen 40 years ago is bringing you down! Dismiss it, your entitled to do that. "IT'S NOTHING"]. in the long term of you getting back into your old Grove and get on with things that really matter. "Wake up and smell the roses" Just my two cents

Find someone that you trust and explain you need to talk alot about something that happened a long time ago and then to it. Then look for a support group that deals with your issue and become a faithful member of it. Next seriously think about talking to a professional therapist. Keep in touch.

I can relate somewhat although as you can see we all come to this issue from a different view point.

I too have been in a place that most people label depression. I could no longer grab onto something with meaning. An antidepressant can lift the heavy feeling, but doesn’t lift the soul. I never stopped smelling the roses - that wasn’t the issue. I also functioned at work and doing things for and with the family. You mention lack of self discipline, but the fact that you’re functioning beneath the radar indicates you do have a fair amount of self control - there are lots of people that can’t even accomplish that!

I can’t tell you what exactly has finally changed my outlook. I think it was a series of events causing me to re-adjust my life, and therefore re-think my view. From stepping away from a very destructive work environment, to my mother’s death, to dealing with mental health issue in a family member.

But I do know a major impact was a book that I’ve mulled over for a while. Written by Dr Gail Brenner, it discusses how to move past regret, how to deal with emotions perhaps triggered in daily life. I couldn’t absorb her whole message, but I’ve read/listened (audiobook) to it enough that small steps are helpful.
This is not a new book, and her message is not trendy. It’s not zen or religious based. It’s how to deal with the now (and stop trying to fix it over and over).
“The End of Self Help, Discovering Peace and Happiness”, by Dr. Gail Brenner.

I wish you peace, you’re not alone!

I can suggest ways to victory, but no victory ever came easily or cost little....just sayin'. This is where you dig deep and rid yourself of guilt, woulda/coulda/shoulda, and make a grownup out of yourself in a way you struggle with at present:
Faith
Confession
Journaling
Volunteering/mentoring (the latter requires introspection, self examination, drawing conclusions from experience, and then being able to demonstrate the logic behind what you propose that others do/don't do)

You can't let your past go because it is untidy and unfinished. Finish it. Put it to rest once and for all, let it go, and be the improved person you can be for having lived your experience with it. Look at it this way: if you were to die in your sleep tonight, would you like it to be as you are today, or as you would be tomorrow had you awakened with a clear conscience?

One last statement from me: In Christ, all is forgiven. If you repent, and are in love and in charity with your neighbor, then you have served your purpose, the purpose we all have in life. I'm going to go out on a limb and wonder if you have lived the life of a hedonist because of your artistic bent (this is just on the basis of likelihood, or of probability, not an accusation or a judgement...certainly not from me). If you are sick of that orientation and would like something more pithy, more personally demanding, then look on Christ. The way to deal with your sordid past or mistake is to turn your back on it. Make it a thing of your past, not of your future. Turn to Christ.

I appreciate your taking the time to respond, but this is not the place to proselytize your religious beliefs. Secondly, to assume people with an "artistic bent" are more likely to be hedonists is a hoot! OMG. You couldn't be further from the truth! "..make a grownup" out of myself - oh, dear. I sincerely hope you are not a therapist. 🙂