How do single people cope daily with chronic pain?

I am 65 with rheumatoid/osteo arthritis, fibromyalgia, degenerative discs, and other things, I care for a disabled adult daughter. and I am alone, friends I thought I had I dont, neighbours arent neigbourly ( I miss the country living). I do drive but only a mile or so. that is coming to an end car is old like me so wont last forever, thought that was the case yesterday , got very depressed at the thought of losing even that amount of independence. . house is driving me crazy , so I do what I can in short bursts.

@tisme @calmmylife57
Well, aren’t we a fine group.
I have the same issues, however I have been blessed with a few more.
I have Functional Neurological Disorder. Oh, how it has changed my life. It has given me double vision, my balance has become so bad I must use a walker or cane to get around. I have fallen several times. Muscle spasms and tremors get very bad when I get nervous.
Walking with a bad gait has made my back pain worse.
Pain is with me every day but I don’t take anything for it. My body is very sensitive to pain meds.

I’m single, 76 years old and have several hobbies that keep me going.

I wish both of you many blessings.
Susan

@tisme @SusanEllen66
Thanks for sharing, the struggle can be so deep at times. Judging the conditions we have and dealing with the time it takes to care for your disabled daughter on your own must be a challenge. You have my respect, and I’m sending you a warm virtual hug! Do you receive any external support from agencies that care for your daughter?

Tisme, I understand what you mean about driving. A car accident triggered my lumbosacral spondylosis with radiculopathy, fibromyalgia 14 years ago. It brought my condition on 5-6 years earlier than I should have had it. I didn’t drive for 10 years after the crash because of the fear and trauma. It was the other person’s fault. I’m glad to be driving now when my pain levels are low and I have full focus. I dread the day I won’t be able to drive because it gives me my independence. My son is very supportive and gets my shopping and takes me to appointments and days out when he’s free. So I understand why you talk about the fear of losing your independence and how it makes you feel.

Susan, yes, we are a fine bunch! I don’t know how you cope without your pain meds. That’s tough. It’s great that you enjoy hobbies and can use them as a distraction. Your body had to give you more conditions to deal with. Bless you, take them in your stride, and take each day at a time. Pain every day, I do breathing and gentle movements when my pain gets too bad. As research shows, movement helps reduce our pain levels, and they’re my distraction. Could you tell me what you do when you experience muscle spasms and cramps? Do you take magnesium supplements, as they can help reduce them? For me, drinking coconut water also helps eliminate them.

I have a cousin in London who is 10 years younger than me. She’s quite good, and we talk a lot via text, FaceTime, and she visits me at least once a year. I usually go to London because I love art and visit the galleries. However, I have to plan my visits, and the staff are usually good when I let them know I might need assistance.

I’m grateful to have good neighbours and friends. I just don’t ask for support from them when I need it, because I know they have their own lives and are getting older too. I do like my privacy, but I’m also a social butterfly. As I’m maturing, I’m finding that the neuropathic pain, muscle spasms, and other symptoms are getting more intense. I’m trying to rest more and use every coping mechanism possible. (I laugh, but it’s not funny, but they say laughter can be the best medicine.)

My mum is coming to visit me on Friday. She lives 88 miles away, and even though she’s 77, she’ll come to my home and help me with chores or sort things out, just like I do for her when I visit.

I’m not ready to give up yet. I have two beautiful grandchildren who keep me going. They’re what keep my heart beating and the love from my son.

It’s funny that I ate healthy, exercised, and looked after myself, but when our bodies become ill or external factors like stress, trauma, or an accident happen, it’s how we respond to it and the support, care, assistance, and finances that determine the quality of life we have afterwards.

I wish you both peace and blessings.

@calmmylife57 Hey dear friend, seems we are kindred spirits from afar! My heart just sunk reading your post...I can identify with so much of what you said. If it helps any, please know you are not alone - as in, I am awake most nights for the same reasons. So, if you ever need anyone to talk to, please don't ever hesitate to shoot me a dm. I am so sorry you are dealing with all this 🙁 For me, thankfully, I can say that schoolwork and other things I'm involved in keep me busy. It's been nearly half my life I've been dealing with the physical stuff now and I'm so thankful for the struggles because they have given me the confidence and the ability to adapt. Bad days still happen - it's not in my control, but I've also learned that my mental perspective has taken me further than anything else in this journey. It seems like you have a good grasp on things, and I'm glad you have some great outlets to help cope. This might sound odd, but I'm a hopeless curious child at heart who loves to learn and wonder about things, so often times my mind carries me away to far away lands and that reality is far more pleasant than this one is at times. Over time, I've learned my limits and how to cope with fluctuations in stamina, how to set healthy (physical) boundaries and be 'OK' with that; it's still very hard. I've learned that tasting pain allows us to know goodness and help others, just like you and so many others are doing here. Even though it hurts, I am encouraged by your bravery in these challenges you face. Thank you for being willing to share and open up this discussion so we can learn from each other. I have many different routines 'n things I do when I can't sleep or my pain is high or my mental state is down, etc. There is no shame in any of that. I hope you can find healing and relief, friend. You're surrounded by strong comrades here.

@rivermaya34 I have multiple injuries from car crashes -people in MN are aggressive drivers. Side effects from a poorly done brain surgery for an unruptured aneurysm. that managed to include permanent kidney damage from a angiogram Deal with chronic pain at night. Can handle pain in the day. Steroids are useless. Botox does not do anything. Injections have not worked. No family either locally or anywhere else but considering that is not a negative although Minnesotans are blankly uncomprehending that anyone cannot have a family. So very little support. I can handle pa n in the day but not at night. Medicines are too weak. I tend to use anger as a motivator to get me moving. (atheist so praying …. no). I try to get involved. Community things to distract. My animals are a necessity. Garden when I can despite physical limits. Wish I were still able to dig -found it therapeutic.
Obviously deal (or don’t) with depression.

@ailsas Anger is not necessarily a bad thing, and I agree with you that sometimes it's a positive catalyst. Don't feel bad - they are the same way here in SC. I get all kind of strange looks and comments from people who don't understand, but then, they don't have to because I don't owe them an explanation about choices I make in life. Your challenges sound very hard on both the body and mind - I'm so sorry all this has happened to you and you're in so much pain. When it's warm here, being out in the summer sun helps me a lot. But, when it's cold in the winter it's tough. I deal with seasonal depression and lots of other times thruout the year, so I definitely understand. I've always been envious of gardeners - their lush plants are always so beautiful! I'm terrible because I have a black thumb and I neglect plants (unintentionally) because I'm so scatterbrained at times. I always loved to dig deep holes when I was younger (got a hankering for archaeology - it's what I'm going into), but after I cut our phone line I quit. I hope you can have some better days ahead and pain free times, too. This is a judgment free zone - your thoughts and presence are welcome here. You are among friends. Thanks for sharing your heart.

I can fully empathize with the emotional pain of being alone--yet, sometimes it is a blessing. Bad company can be rather difficult and present other issues. I also empathize with the physical side to all of this. I am here in NYC where winters can be challenging--lots of changeability to the weather and sometimes snow--which turns dirty fast. Three weeks ago I had a shave biopsy on my shin and I am angry that its taking long to heal and I also wonder if it affected my neuropathy. I will try to be patient--the dermatologist and my primary care doctor said healing could take a few months. However, the foot pain has been waking me up in the middle of night and so I turn on the radio and try to distract myself. I will not take any medicine--at least not at this point.

My company is my dog. She has really bonded with me. I hope all of you achieve some modicum of wellness and wholeness. We must keep working on it.

@ailsas My dear, it sounds like you’ve experienced huge challenges from the aftermath of the car crash. I admire your strength and understanding of your needs and what works for you, thank you for sharing your experience.

I get it when you say you use anger as a motivator! That’s how I got my front room cleaned on Tuesday or Wednesday, I can’t remember. I had brain fog, lol, and I was angry and fed, so that motivated me to tidy up and clean. Cutting up old correspondence and stuff I no longer needed was a great feeling. Things from the past holding me back. The relief I felt lowered my pain levels, but the pain was still there. It eased my tense muscles, so I had an afternoon nap later in the day due to fatigue and exhaustion, even though I paced myself, lol.

Use your anger to channel your energy and distract yourself from your pain, as long as you’re aware and it doesn’t drift into low moods because you know chronic pain can send us into a rabbit hole. What about laughter? Do you watch comedies? They work a treat for me as a distraction too.

Gardening is such a therapeutic pastime, and I understand why you miss that too. Do you have houseplants? I know it’s not the same, but some greenery with a little bit of soil to dust your fingers in.It’s also, great you stay connected with your community it's so important to have social connections. Do what soothes your soul, my lovely, and take one day at a time.

Big hugs, X

@rivermaya34
Thank you so much for your support message. I really appreciate it.

Setting boundaries and knowing our limits are so important for protecting our wellbeing and mental health. My pain hasn’t been this bad since the car crash, which was 13 or 14 years ago. My memory tonight is fuzzy, and I guess that’s why I’ve been struggling. I’ve stopped having the root nerve injection because I had a bad reaction two years ago that caused swelling and more nerve pain. The temporary effect was helpful, but now I’m feeling the full force. I don’t want to take too many opioids, but when it’s as bad as it is now, I have to.

The reason I want to go back to work is only part-time so that I can pay for holistic treatments and other pain relief, and I’ve always worked so its hard not being in a working environment, even though I’ve worked freelance for the last 3.5 years. I probably shouldn't work and but, I'm hoping that I can.

My cat, Cario, is my medicine. She’s with me throughout everything, unless my grand-babies stop over and the eldest one, who will be nine this month, helps me. She washes the dishes, hoovers up after the mess her and her brother create, and even helps when I’m cooking. She’s an angel!

But, yeah, just have to keep living life and embracing each day. Breathe, balance my chakras, and energy!
Peace and love! X

@arcuri24 I’m very familiar with foot pain. I use a topical cream or lotion like Biofreeze or Magnesium lotion for pain.

You may want to try something like that.