Want to share with other victims of narcissism (NPD)

Greetings friends .... oh my, after a 40 year marriage to a man with NPD, I could write a book, but I've got so many I've purchased through those hellish years that I couldn't add to them. I was married at 21 ..... way too young for a young woman who was raised an only child, in a family of alcoholics, abused in every form and spent my Fri. and Sat. nights in bars from the time I first remember. I won't go into what happened there. Basically my life consisted of hiding out so I wouldn't get hurt. Then I met my soon-to-be husband ...... knew all the right words to make me feel good about myself. 5 years later we were married. When I worked and put him through school things were good ..... I loved my job. Then we began to have children after he graduated and got a job down near D.C. That changed everything. No question he was a good Dad, and still is (but always with a critical edge), but to me I was just a cook, housekeeper, sexual partner ..... sort of a French maid. I'd always hear things like "pinhead" when he didn't like my hair cut, "don't you think you should do your excerises?" (This was right after our babies were born); why were you out so late? I worked at our church on staff and oversaw the Weds. night Pioneer Club .... so when I came home it was about 10:30 .... the garage door opening "woke him up" ..... I went into therapy and my doctor told me, after a few years, that if I didn't get out of that abusive home (kids all grown by this time) he would have to admit me to Brooklane .... a local private Psychiatric Hospital. That did it ...... I was out in 2 days. He would not go to therapy, and when I finally convinced him to try it, the doctor asked us each to say several good qualities each of us had. I had no problems with that because despite all the "N" characteristics, he was a good Dad, good provider, hard worker, etc. When it came to his turn, he thought awhile and all he could say was, "she's a good mother." Nothing else. With that I got up and walked out and went to my lawyer the next day. I spent 40 years giving my all to him and raising our kids, and now here I am ...... headed for a low-income apartment. I don't really mind that at all. People are people everywhere you go and I make friends pretty easily. He's still his old "N" self, busy every day to keep his face out there, and is just involved in everything he possibly could be. He's running away from himself instead of facing himself honestly.
N's are "tough nuts to crack" as my Psychiatrist told me (he Rx's the meds.), and he rarely sees them change. I didn't recognize the abuse when I was in it because that's how I grew up .... I was prime for that.
Read, read, read everything you can about Narcissism ..... if you need suggestions, I've got plenty. You do not need to be treated like a low-class citizen .... you are worth more than that, even though I know you don't believe that now. Get help and claw your way out of this mire of destruction.
abby

Greetings friends .... oh my, after a 40 year marriage to a man with NPD, I could write a book, but I've got so many I've purchased through those hellish years that I couldn't add to them. I was married at 21 ..... way too young for a young woman who was raised an only child, in a family of alcoholics, abused in every form and spent my Fri. and Sat. nights in bars from the time I first remember. I won't go into what happened there. Basically my life consisted of hiding out so I wouldn't get hurt. Then I met my soon-to-be husband ...... knew all the right words to make me feel good about myself. 5 years later we were married. When I worked and put him through school things were good ..... I loved my job. Then we began to have children after he graduated and got a job down near D.C. That changed everything. No question he was a good Dad, and still is (but always with a critical edge), but to me I was just a cook, housekeeper, sexual partner ..... sort of a French maid. I'd always hear things like "pinhead" when he didn't like my hair cut, "don't you think you should do your excerises?" (This was right after our babies were born); why were you out so late? I worked at our church on staff and oversaw the Weds. night Pioneer Club .... so when I came home it was about 10:30 .... the garage door opening "woke him up" ..... I went into therapy and my doctor told me, after a few years, that if I didn't get out of that abusive home (kids all grown by this time) he would have to admit me to Brooklane .... a local private Psychiatric Hospital. That did it ...... I was out in 2 days. He would not go to therapy, and when I finally convinced him to try it, the doctor asked us each to say several good qualities each of us had. I had no problems with that because despite all the "N" characteristics, he was a good Dad, good provider, hard worker, etc. When it came to his turn, he thought awhile and all he could say was, "she's a good mother." Nothing else. With that I got up and walked out and went to my lawyer the next day. I spent 40 years giving my all to him and raising our kids, and now here I am ...... headed for a low-income apartment. I don't really mind that at all. People are people everywhere you go and I make friends pretty easily. He's still his old "N" self, busy every day to keep his face out there, and is just involved in everything he possibly could be. He's running away from himself instead of facing himself honestly.
N's are "tough nuts to crack" as my Psychiatrist told me (he Rx's the meds.), and he rarely sees them change. I didn't recognize the abuse when I was in it because that's how I grew up .... I was prime for that.
Read, read, read everything you can about Narcissism ..... if you need suggestions, I've got plenty. You do not need to be treated like a low-class citizen .... you are worth more than that, even though I know you don't believe that now. Get help and claw your way out of this mire of destruction.
abby

Most of the time, ppl have "narcissistic" characteristics without being real narcissists. Only professionals, which I am not, can diagnose a narcissist. This usually cannot happen bc these individuals are not aware of their condition and do not seek treatment.

After being with him for 16 years, the last 5 have have gotten so bad. Then last year just...when I think about the abuse, Physically , mentally, verbally. The craziness is knocking me down big time. Three weeks ago, not only did he steal my car, he stole my house keyskeys hacked all my accounts on Google, text messages, on Facebook put under my profile picture. " I sell my ass for cr-ck .10 to 20 threatening voicemails a day. He also stole a ring of my mother's that she gave me right before she passed three years ago. Trying to blackmail me with it. This only half of it. Police reports about the car. Spoke to them regarding a restraining order but by the time they would get to me I most likely would have been dead. I had to change all passwords. I don't think people get the severity of what a narcissist is capable of doing. I so afraid, especially at night. I am following through with the steps they're telling me to do but they don't understand that I might not make you fruishion. He just keeps at it meanwhile, doing , filing, fixing my car dealing Dad dieing last week. I'm somewhat of a strong person. I would like to think. Been living with lung cancer for 8 years now. Brother died 12 years ago, mom died 3 years ago and now my father. I don't know how much more I can take before I go jail or he gets me first. I'm dealing with a sick, rotten to the core individual.

I was in a narcissistic relationship for eight years. Eight years of leaving him and going back. We were married, I divorced him, and still went back. I lost everything! My career, my retirement, my friends, my family, sentimental items....he was evil. I moved to a different state and lived with my daughter over the winter, in order to detox from him and never go back. This daughter is the only family member who never gave up on me. The rest of my children and my siblings have nothing to do with me anymore. Same with my friends. They were tired of helping me escape and finding out I went back. The cognitive damage is bad. I have short term memory loss and confusion. I've been let go from three jobs in a row because of this. I hope the cognitive damage will heal.

@dmbwa99362 There is a book called, "The Body Keeps Score." I have not finished reading it yet, but I am going to. Being in an abusive relationship whether emotional, physical or both, especially with someone that is NPD or Anti-social is some serious trauma. I have been in therapy for 6 years since I got sober and I am really working on trying to love myself. My father was NPD and as an adult, I tend to gravitate towards familiarity. I believe most of us do. Being fooled by a person with that kind of personality is trauma. Do not let anyone tell you it is not. I will say that if those people were your real friends, they would still be around. It is similar to domestic violence and that cycle. The bond is real to the victim and it is so "normal" to believe "I am sorry, that won't ever happen again." It is a vicious merry go round and is hard to step off of. People say things like, "Why don't you just leave him/her?" Only a person that has walked in another's foot steps will understand that it is not as easy as "just leave." I applaud you for getting away from that relationship. Trauma causes cognitive issues, but the good news is that the brain is able to heal itself. It takes time but YOU are resilient and strong and still alive!!!

After being with him for 16 years, the last 5 have have gotten so bad. Then last year just...when I think about the abuse, Physically , mentally, verbally. The craziness is knocking me down big time. Three weeks ago, not only did he steal my car, he stole my house keyskeys hacked all my accounts on Google, text messages, on Facebook put under my profile picture. " I sell my ass for cr-ck .10 to 20 threatening voicemails a day. He also stole a ring of my mother's that she gave me right before she passed three years ago. Trying to blackmail me with it. This only half of it. Police reports about the car. Spoke to them regarding a restraining order but by the time they would get to me I most likely would have been dead. I had to change all passwords. I don't think people get the severity of what a narcissist is capable of doing. I so afraid, especially at night. I am following through with the steps they're telling me to do but they don't understand that I might not make you fruishion. He just keeps at it meanwhile, doing , filing, fixing my car dealing Dad dieing last week. I'm somewhat of a strong person. I would like to think. Been living with lung cancer for 8 years now. Brother died 12 years ago, mom died 3 years ago and now my father. I don't know how much more I can take before I go jail or he gets me first. I'm dealing with a sick, rotten to the core individual.