How do I tell my family I want to quit treatment just so I can die?

In my opinion it's your life, not theirs, so the choice is up to you. I've suffered from depression for over a decade now, and have thought about suicide on more than one occasion. I was forced to retire, walk away from my job, and we were forced to sell our home and move in with our son and his family for 2 years because of my neuropathy and osteoarthritis. I haven't been the same mentally or physically ever since, and seriously contemplated killing myself on at least 2 occasions.
There comes a point in your life when you just want it to be done and over with when you're forced to live with a condition that can't be cured, only treated. Mentally we come to the end of our rope, and we just want it to end. If you feel you've gotten to that point, it's your decision to make.

I’m truly sorry for you and how hard it must be to feel this way, being a patient myself I can understand very well what you’re going through. You mentioned having MS and also the treatments are helping you and that is good news, people generally live a long life with this disease but the treatments are part of their survival. I have survived cancer twice and possibly a third time, the treatments are vast and they really take so much out of me, I believe that we should have the right to choose what we want to go through, I would be lying if I said that I’m tired of living but when you’re sick and tired of suffering brutal tests and surgery it can seem like a good solution. I have read many stories here about all the pain and suffering that people go through but their will to live is strong enough to get them through it. Also I think that our minds also need help because the body and mind is a whole thing, I’m wondering if you have tried speaking with a doctor or therapist about your pain before you give up on yourself, God bless you and help you to find peace in your life.

@oodlesofeep: this is a position many people with chronic conditions such as yours are facing have grappled with. As an End of Life Doula, this conversation has come up amongst my colleagues who have been called upon to offer guidance or direction to others who feel as you do. It sounds as though you are in the beginning steps of investigating your decision and options, which is a deeply personal matter in attaining a dignified death to preserve quality of life and one that has gotten more attention in recent years. There are often legalities involved in various choices and in various states.

Have you looked into ogranizations that support such beliefs? There are some available, at least to give some clarity around contemplating what might be involved. For instance https://finalexitnetwork.org/ and https://compassionandchoices.org/ Certainly, no immediate decisions have to be made now, these are considerations only. Let me know if you have a can check these out and if they align with your way of thinking.

wow what a statement, my beliefs wont allow sideways without going to hell, my brother gave up and went that direction, all i could do was pray for him. not trying to change your mind and i so much at a couple points wanted the same, let me go.. that is what my family said i was being too selfish. been dead a couple times and brought back at the last minuet. god must have plans for me and not sure what they are, i could be worse off than recovering from a major head trauma like i am right now, some days i dont want to get out of bed, you know-give up. but i have seen too many family members and friends at funerals who were crushed by selfish individuals. my fight that keeps me in the game is knowing my daughter would be hit the hardest and i get up every day and i work at staying alive so i can give her the drive to carry on too. she has seizures and the doc says one day a grand mall . mine are better now been a couple months since my last and ill keep praying .every day they are finding cures for things. i just have someone to fight to live for. I pray you find that person. Have a blessed evening and try to make someone's day brighter, a smile or laugh goes a long way, same as a hug. say love ya to somebody. make a difference to someone who cares. i recently turned 69 and want to see 100 plus.

@oodlesofeep, it is clear that you have given this situation a lot of thought. Your question is not about the decision you've made, but rather how to discuss this with your family. I agree with @grammato3 that you may wish to seek support from a trained professional to help guide these difficult discussions with your family.

The Conversation Project has guides specifically to help you with these conversations:
- Conversation Guides https://theconversationproject.org/get-started

And from Mayo Clinic:
- How to talk about end-of-life care with your loved ones: Six things to consider https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/healthy-aging/talking-about-end-of-life-care-with-loved-ones/

There are end-of-life doulas and social workers that can help with end of life planning with you and your family. While no decision has to be made now, you might find it helpful to talk to someone and understand what you might expect. Your local hospice may also be a useful resource.

When your doctors told you that without treatment, your life expectancy would be 5 years, should you discontinue treatment. did they also explain how the disease might progress and how to keep you comfortable to the end?

All good comments from different points of view.
I don't equate stopping treatment with committing suicide.
In your case I can see how you feel & although I am much older, I feel
that I am done here also, but would not "commit suicide." but would stop
treatment if I had the option. Who wants to suffer day in & day out?
It is YOUR decision. Best wishes for whatever you decide.

I've been considering hypothermia.. next big freeze... God bless you ..I understand

oodlesofsleep, I would tell family members that I was signing a DNR without the details of quitting treatment.

If they are involved in transporting you and have access to your care treatment, you could pretend to be seeking treatment in another city and take a sleeping vacation. If they have signed release of information and have conversed with your doctors, you might find your doctors invested in recruiting family to keep you alive.
It may be impossible for your family not to try and convince you of your importance and their need for you.
Like Colleen, I have the most concern that you have knowledge of and easy access to palliation of pain.
Some cancer care is incidentally palliative. Some certainly is not.
Bless your five with joy and peace.

@randallshields56 In my opinion, it isn't a selfish act to put ones self out of the pain/misery that they have to deal with on a daily basis. We can only live our lives for someone else's benefit for so long before you just can't take any more.
How long do you have to suffer mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially before enough is enough? Quality of life should always trump quantity of life, no one lives forever.

@kayraymat: It's very compassionate of you to understand and support @oodlesofeep's concerns, while acknowledging you would not necessarily pursue the same exact steps.

I'd like to take a moment to address some semantics here as there has been a paradigm shift of sorts to get away from the terminology that has been used for years of "committing suicide". That term comes from a time when suicide was a crime and implied wrongdoing, therefore, "committing" was attached to it. To remove the stigma of this being a criminal, sinful, or shameful act that carries blame and can negatively impact the grief felt by loved ones, mental health communities prefer the public say "die/died by suicide" to remove such judgment. This isn't to start a debate about how some individuals may continue to view suicide - perhaps from a moral or religious perspective - it is instead to understand that most suicides occur as a result of psychological distress or feelings of hopelessness.
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There is also a difference between this and elective end-of-life (EOL) choices, which is an evolving and highly regulated option that is being recognized, legal in some states and under regulated guidelines. Specifically, while suicide continues to be recognized as a public health emergency to be prevented, elective EOL care can be addressed under medical supervision with specific criteria and guidance in matters that considers the ethical response to "irreversible physical suffering" when treatment can no longer sustain or restore quality of life.

You may be "older" and you also seem to be "wiser" in terms of you ability to relate to others! Did this explanation add to that ability?