Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

@mssewest My sympathy in finding out this recent diagnosis. I know your life has changed, and now there are priorities in place that you may have never considered.

Go to you cancer center and ask for the social worker and patient advocate there. They will have information for you. And help guide you along and support you in choosing what decisions to make. You will find them very compassionate.

When I was diagnosed in 2015 with an ultra-rare kidney disease, I did just what you are thinking of doing. It surely eased my mind. First thing was to consider my family and friends, and choose someone [or two] to be my health care advocate and power of attorney, in case I was unable to make decisions for myself. Please let me know if I can be of help.
Ginger

This link will take you to a free booklet you can download and use. It covers legal things like a Living Will, Durable medical and financial powers attorney.
https://www.fivewishes.org/for-myself/
As far as planning a cremation or funeral, select the local funeral home you like. If you want to prepay or make payments, make an appointment to discuss a burial policy. The policies are written through long standing insurance companies so your plan is safe. They will help you with everything from arranging pick up for the funeral home to selecting music, poems, scripture, flowers, anything else you associate with a service. It will be written in a contract that you may amend. I did this in 2010, and they can't charge my family any more money.

If you choose burial, visit local cemeteries, look at plots available. Select the one you best imagine your family coming to visit.

When you have done this, you will find a huge weight is lifted then you can go live your best life whether it's 25 years or 25 weeks. Put the dying stuff behind you and make memories to last your lifetime and the lifetime of your adult child.

This may sound weird, but what I've found helps is to schedule time to dwell on these things. As thoughts/topics/worries come up, I jot them down in a notebook. Then, at the time I've set aside for "end of life thinking," I pull out the notebook and address the things that have been worrying me. That way, I'm not ignoring those thoughts, but I'm not letting them dominate each day, either

Absolutely. Because I also have PTSD, I've had a counselor ever since my cancer diagnosis. She's encouraged me to think about and plan for dying including an advance directive. It was very hard to plan this stuff, lots of tears, but now that it's done, I don't obsess about it except to worry what will happen to my pets. Because I was initially diagnosed as stage 4 and given 3 to 4 months to live without the chemo, it's been on my mind a lot all these years, but I really just think and plan about one month ahead. That's all I can handle.

@jmclemmo, thank you for sharing this. I am going to do the same. i am just beginning this journey.

I came back today to share that at times out of the blue I get gut wrenching fear and anxiety. Does this happen to you?

I think this is normal. Especially if you are a “planner” in life. My counselor called it Cancer Funnel as every thought goes through it. I think it shows you care about the people you are leaving behind, which is good. Get your ducks in a row but remember to enjoy your every day!

@jmclemmo
You have a good plan! It is important to get plans for death out in the open and then, forget about them. My husband died in 2024. Prior to that we had a will drawn up and paid plans with a local funeral home. All the initial planning came in very handy when it was needed. Try and get your plan with a local funeral director instead of a big corporation. The large companies who deal in this business have been known to increase prices often. The smaller ones don't seem to do that. They stay with what they initially had you pay. My husband and I paid only $4000 for cremation for both of us. Also since my husband had served in the military both of us will be interred in the cemetary at no charge. That may be something to look into. We only found out about it though the funeral company.
Death comes to all of us. God stated in the Bible, "I give life and I take it away." Get all your plans in order. Say a prayer and ask God to please make your death quick and painless. Then go and enjoy the rest of your life!
PML

I was dx with breast cancer in my mid 40’s. I started reading obituaries to see how many died from cancer. I still do almost 30 years later.
A friend in my neighborhood has started a folder for her family. She has picked out music, poems, scripture etc to be read. Ahhh, even the pictures she approves of. She’s perfectly healthy. She just jokes that she wants to be in control. I think it’s a great idea.

Yes, I definitely have spent time on my death and burial rites. Survived 5 different cancers over the past 21 years (lung cancer and lymphoma in opposite chest,............and give youre body most recent 2 years ago) I figured, one is going to get me. I have had spectacular very loving help by my wife. Also, I had always enjoyed exercise, and even when feeling my worst possible......I went to the gym and mopped around.
Nothing wrong with burial plans.......many do it when in perfect health. Just make sure you do many more things to "busy" your mind and body. >Activity is a must.....when in the hospital bed I used light hand weights and when I could......walked the halls. .
Please, please make your time a positive for you and for those around you. Be physically active when possible as it helps your blood move around and it likes that very much!! .........Many blessings!! Bill