Depression and over-analyzing how I feel: I'm feeling invisible

You are NOT invisible. I’m sorry I was not here earlier to respond…

Can you tell us a little bit about what you’re going through?

I actually have to go out for a bit, but will be back in an hour or so.

So sorry you're feeling this way. This is a tough time of year for many people, for many reasons.

It's like playing a slot machine in a big casino; it seems like everyone's hitting a jackpot except you. I remember 30 years ago, my girlfriend dumped me two days before Christmas. "Happy Holidays, Loser!" -- at least it felt that way.

After my stroke seven years ago, I was shocked when I would go out and see a familiar face -- and they didn't acknowledge me. They didn't see Scott; they saw Old Disabled Man and looked away.

I know that being aware that others are unhappy is cold comfort. If you break a leg, knowing that others have broken legs doesn't make your own hurt any less.

One thing I learned from this site: Helping others can help you. Offering supportive words to others, even complete strangers, feels good. Try it. It's easy, it's safe, and it's a Good Thing. One way to become visible is to be a light to people who are in an even darker place. Don't over-think it, just try it.

Here's a video from my YouTube channel about this (completely non-professional) experience:

@indogirl you definitely are not alone - there are several of us right here dealing with depression. Like you, I have been functioning with it for many years and only now, at age 79, finally asked my doctor for medication and a referral for counselling because I couldn’t handle it any more. I too have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) - so I can relate to what you are going through.

On this page, you will be heard - and you will not invisible here either.

@scottrl your experience of Christmas 30 years ago brought back memory of a similar experience - except I was dumped at Valentine’s, via a Valentine card, about 48 years ago! Looking back on it, the method of delivery itself was a clue to his maturity so it was just as well we broke up because not long after that I met and married my husband with whom I celebrated 46 years recently.

@rashida I once got dumped via a message on my answering machine.
Lame.

@suzleigh thank you. I had been in the depression closet since my 30s. I admitted finally I needed help. My primary was treating my GAD, but didn't belive I was depressed. I was good at hiding it. She put me on Bupropion IR which had me speeding and then XR which wouldn't let me sleep. Same issue with Prozac. Now Lexapro is working, but when I went from 5mg to 10mg my irritability came back. Been a month. Not sure it will get better. I'm always aware of my thoughts and feelings 24 7.

@rashida thank you for your kind words. My mind is 35 but body 100. Chronic pain, spinal issues. Scared and mad I waited too long to be fixed.

@scottrl thanks for sharing. I was always active and independent and since covid everything has gone wrong. It's been almost a year finding the right meds and still not sure they're right. Can't drive or walk anymore.

@indogirl me too! I had a meme about this too but can’t find it now! Something to the effect “my mind is 25 but my body tells me I am 100” …!

@indogirl I too am a master at hiding my feelings, especially depression. This is part of my quiet BPD (https://psychiatrymagazine.com/quiet-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/).

You and I also share the problems of having treatment resistant depression (TRD). I’m STILL being trialed on medication after so many failures.

There are some other options you should talk with your doctor(s) about — TMS is a non-invasive treatment for depression; EMDR might also be considered if any of your depression stems from trauma; many facilities are offering Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP) or even Partial Hospitalization Programs (PHP) which might have you come in 1-5 days per week for several hours each day. I’m actually starting ECT next month. This option provides the greatest chance of depression remission, far surpassing any medication or treatment option.

I sincerely hope that you find the help you need. You are never ignored on this page.