Feeling Lost and Afraid: Lost my oldest and fear losing another child

@standinginfaith
Thank-you so much for your comments.
There's a lot to be said about our legal system. I never realized just how messed up it is. In Nebraska the statute of limitations is two years for Wrongful Death claims, that's what I read over and over again. What they don't make so clear is that if it's against a government agency you have to file a notice to the agency within 60 days or your claim is barred.
Here's the kicker...I made three separate requests for the 911 call logs, investigation reports, autopsy findings, etc.
The Sheriff's Department sent me a voicemail refusing all documents due to apparent investigation. Nebraska Statutes states denials are to be in writing and each denial must have specific statute defined reason per requested document.
Sorry I'm rambling, point is I made 3 separate requests and finally got all documents in April. My son passed in January.
Again statute of limitations 60 days.
Clearly a loophole for government agencies to evade accountability as if the immunity clause is not a hurdle in itself.
It's just sad that it's set up like that, and that most people are not aware of such things until they are affected and even then, what do you do?
Sorry again for rambling.
And thank-you for your comments. God Bless You

@jimz72 Your legal system needs revised!! Since you got the information late and they are required to do it in writing you may still have a case.. I googled..Legal Services Corp, LawHelp and ABA (free law answers are free) ..also Probono and contingency attorneys.. it's clear the Law Enforcement did this on purpose..(to me)..I'm not an attorney..(but faced the wrongful death against the VA when my husband passed 14 years ago.. since they rule about themselves I lost..after 9 inches of binder as a letter thu my State Congressional rep's office..) you might try your Representatives or other folks in the same horrible bind.. talk to the news media.. (I attended Town Hall meeting and talked to the news..after the VA pathologist was found to have been working under the influence of some substance he injected and it made him drunk like.. 33,000 biopsies had to be redone.long story ..but you can believe ..when it first started I had a private meeting with the head of the VA (about 12 people) and was backed up by that states Congressional reps whom I had called .(he had cancer and I finally had to call the Patient Advocate in DC to get him a a biopsy..long story).. the Washington Post called me "looking for a widow to talk to" and I told them they got the right one and gave them all the do-do.. a week later he was brought up on Manslaughter charges..(not saying I did that ) and is serving time for 3 counts of manslaughter.. I also face the time limit constraint when I had the EEOC doing a discrimination case for me back in the 90's .. very frustrating.. and just deplorable that the discount your son's life in such a manner.. please know that I feel your frustrating.. couple with grief it must be so very difficult.. ultimately give it to God..(IDK your religious preferences..but we serve a big and mighty and just God... forgiveness is the key and never easier done than said.... If you stand praying forgive.. He is your vindicator...put God on the case.. ask Him to help you..He will open window and doors you could never open yourself). I thin your state laws need changed!! And I am asking Jesus to send ministering (and waring) angels to help you... Praying for you!!

I am so sorry for your loss. Addiction is a beast, as you know. I hope you do take care of yourself and know that the only thing you can do for Andrew is to support him and encourage him to maybe attend 12 step meetings or go into a rehab. It took a long time for me to realize that it was going to kill me, but I am proof that one can live sober. As far as the ridiculous and tragic NON action of emergency services, maybe call the state's department of mental health and substance abuse as well as the state's human services. Ask to speak to the Commissioners and I would also write letters describing the events. I don't know if you have a local news that you could reach out to as well. The state would not want media attention to this kind of negligence. In the meantime, please take care of yourself the best way you can. You have support here. Thank you for posting and I am sending positive thoughts and hope you can find some kind of peace through all of this.

@standinginfaith
Thank-you so much for your comments and for sharing your experience, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. It's easy to feel alone. You're words help more than you know.
Thank-you

Contact any local attorney for negligence. Explain what happens and typically if they cannot help you, they will give you a referral to someone that does.

My best to you, as I had a very similar situation with my son being in a psychosis induced state due to meth. He was walking through the fields burning fields as he thought some demons were after him. Eventually, he burned off his clothes and thought he could swim across a lake.

That just happened and basically he covered himself up with mud to keep him warm and thankfully someone saw him and called 911

I still worry about him every day, but I can’t because that makes him feel worse about himself. He found God that day cause truly he should have died.

I’m very sorry that you lost your son, there’s few words of comfort that will make you feel better or at least nothing that I can say right now, I’m sure the hurt is still raw. But know that your son is not alone in his battle with addiction.

Perhaps you can reach out to your younger son and explain what typically happen with someone that can’t get off meth as they truly do end up in jail, prison or dead

If he has resourced person that he can talk to whether it’s a therapist or a counselor, he needs to talk to someone about the issues he’s battling in his head. My prayers go out to you and your family. I know it’s a nightmare. I’ve been there done that several times I think God every day he’s alive and for the first time in 15 years it seems like he’s on the right track due to his strong belief in the higher being. 🙏

Am sorry you have lost a grown child. It is hard at any age. It sounds as though you do need to reach out for some help - and soon. There is no time line for grieving.

And if it is any consolation: 911 emergency services, as well as law enforcement agencies can do only so much. They are overloaded with emergency calls for drug overdoses as well as alcohol related social issues. If you son was in a corn field and could not give an address or be located it would be useless to send out police or ambulance on a looking for a needle in a haystack call.

I know that may not make you feel better...but your son is one among many who call for help frequently and become what is known in 911 and law enforcement as well as in the medical system as "frequent fliers". We in medicine and law enforcement are there for one reason: to help others. We don't go into it to be uncaring or callous, we go into the profession to HELP those that can be helped.

Before going into the medical field I was a 911 operator for three years. I would even get calls for houses on fire and the person would not stay on the line long enough for me to get an address; or I would get a call from a woman who got senselessly drunk, adding oxycontin to her Friday night routine. I am not trying to make excuses, but we in the helping professions reach out and reach out - but until a person addicted to drugs and or alcohol WANT help in a non-emergency situation (which your son was NOT in when he was a a psychotic state, driving no less) then we in the helping professions cannot MAKE an addict get help.

Nine times out of ten, addicts and alcoholics want our help when they are in a pickle due to their own choices, we save them each time we can, but they go right back to their own self destruction.

Law enforcement and 911 are not therapists OR social workers, or psychiatrists. They are not perfect. Just as your son was not perfect, none of us are.

Anger is normal in any death situation and one looks to blame something or someone or some entity.

Asking for reports from law enforcement agencies, hospitals (for ER visits) is MUCH more complex these days than anyone can ever imagine. Due to the litigious atmosphere any request for anything remotely related to HIPPA has to go through a multitude of channels in any agency: and you can count on a priority to any requested paperwork and a MINIMUM of 90 days to get a request fulfilled.

I do not think your son was treated any differently than any other emergency call because he was an addict. There is no one more anxious to help addicts, alcoholics, and homeless than 911 and the police. This is because those three categories of calls take up 75% of the time of medical and law enforcement these days. If we could help more we would, but like I said: we are 911 operators and law enforcement.

911 operators get help to where we can, as fast as we can to ALL people, regardless of their issues; law enforcement is there to enforce laws, not provide social services. This is why, these days, MANY policing agencies are now having social workers and psychologists added to their staffing.

Again, I am sorry for your loss and please do get some active support.
You did the best you could as a mother, with whatever you had. At some point our children (I have 4 grown ones) are responsible for their own direction and whether they sink or swim. Give yourself a break and forgive yourself so you can let go of the misdirected anger. It serves little purpose.