Thank you for your kind words. It really helps to not feel like I'm alone . I don't know why I thought for so long that because I (did this to myself ) that, that meant I have to do this all by myself. I know I have God and he has a plan and he doesn't make mistakes. When I found out I was sick sick it was after a year of being off an on sick hoping I could get it under control in time before it was too late but it was so far gone that summer I got COVID and went into multi organ failure . I had over a 120 pounds of excess fluid built up that I didn't even realize was fluid for years I thought I was just fatter even though I was barely eating because I'd puke it back up constantly . They thought I would need a liver and a kidney . Anyways I was at Henry Ford hospital in Detroit for almost 2 months and finally they denied me to go on the transplant list. Said I was too high risk due to volume overload
I was on dialysis almost every day but it wasn't enough. They didn't think I'd survive the anesthesia from being put under plus I was almost 5 hours away from any friends and family I have and it was the middle of winter so they didn't feel as though I had enough social support . It was a big mess . They said my options were second opinion with the University of Michigan hospital in Ann arbor (Go Blue 💙) or Cleveland clinic.

It took almost 2 weeks but I was transfered to the U of M hospital and it was like night and day difference. I went directly under the management of the liver transplant team they made all decisions with my care at that point ultimately to get me ready to go on the transplant list. The end of December right after Christmas I was transferred to the ICU from the general medical floor and they did CRRT . Which is 24 hours continual dialysis and you have to be monitored on the ICU floor because it's a tedious serious process. But after 7 days they had pulled over 90 pounds of fluid off of me. I looked like a deflated balloon . Henry Ford never even mentioned that option but it wasn't meant to be at Henry Ford, I know.
Many other bumps and road blocks happened during those next few months but ultimately I survived and I had lots of ppl tell me Henry Ford was just going to send me home to die but God said that wasn't the right place for me and it wasn't the right time. Everything has a reason.

Much like your story. What are the odds that it's just a random find just like that and then things line up almost so perfectly you can't explain it 🙏❣️ that's how it was for me anyways.

I suffered Alot yes but it wasn't for nothing. Hard lessons are still lessons , I would never want to die from liver failure it was awful. I was bleeding to death getting 1 to 3 blood transfusions a day due to spur cell anemia I think is what they called it basically your baby red cells never mature . My hemoglobin level stayed between 4 and 6 for months in the hospital.

The Drs at the U of M saved my life and it forever humbled me how kind they all were to me and nobody ever judged me even if I might have deserved it . They treated me with respect and I'm so grateful for so much . That's why this bothers me that I'm in this depressed state off an on lately and I want to recognize it and not wallow in it .
In the beginning I talked to counselors at the U of M all the time and they have given me some resources . The problem is at the time I thought well I am not gonna drink or jeopardize my life anymore so I got this . I got God now and my Bible and this second chance and that's all I need. And I was very naive. I do AA of course online and in person both. I am seeing a counselor again well will be next week I finally took the initiative and decided that there's a lot I should probably unpack with a licensed professional and maybe instead of white knuckling life like I have been I can get sum more tricks and tools to help not feel so darn overwhelmed.

Thank you for your kind words again. And for sharing your story with me. God is so good and everyday I might not know how it's gonna go but I know no matter what he is with me. (Sometimes it's just hard to feel that when life is happening all at once ). Merry Christmas. 🌲💙