Mourning the loss of son and family after the death of my husband

I’m truly sorry for your pain and loss, this is an awful thing for you to go through, I can’t imagine what you did wrong to him and his family to be cast off by your family in such a cruel and heartbreaking way..you’re 91 years old and he hasn’t a clue what he is doing to his mother. I can only hope that he comes to his senses because he’s setting himself up for a lifetime of pain and loss, he may not agree with that but he’s obviously very confused if he feels that this is acceptable. I hope that the rest of your family can help to support you during this difficult time,, I will pray for you to get through this painful time and get back to your life, amen. 🙏

@frouke
Although I call myself a Humanist, I thank you for your prayers.

My dear lady. I am so sorry for the pain over loosing your husband and then being abandoned by your family. I can’t even find words to express my sympathy. The dark hearts that cause your pain are accountable to God. As parents we love unconditionally and those we love should do likewise. You’ve asked for forgiveness and that’s all you can do. If you are a praying person pray for them. My prayers are with you.

Marilyn,
I'm so sorry you have been treated this way by your family and also after losing your husband earlier. That is so hard for you and it is not right of your son and his family to act this way! I don't blame you for feeling so bad. My husband died in 2024. My son also doesn't speak to me and hasn't contacted me in 20 years and I don't really know why. I could really use his help now but I know I will never get it. I know how lonely and hurtful this can be. It isn't right but it happens. I gave my son back to God and told him to straighten him out. I don't feel like I have a son anymore. You did your best toward them; appologizing when you probably didn't need to and sending a nice card and email. It states in the Bible that children will turn against their parents and I guess that is happening a lot today. It's very sad. However, don't feel like you don't have a family. You have all of us on the Mayo Connect. We can be your family! Many of us don't have the most perfect families either! Please reach out whenever you want to talk. You are not alone! We will help you through this terrible time.
I will say a prayer for you.
PML

What kind of jackass does something like this to his own mother? Did you do anything in the past that could even remotely justify him treating you like this? What does your other son have to think about all of this?

Hello and so sorry for what you are going through. Family can sometimes hurt us so deeply. I am sure you are not deserving of this behavior. Perhaps you could try one more time to reach out and and try to begin a relationship again. I lost my son to cancer in June of this year. I miss him so, and cry daily. Friends have been there for me. Surprisingly some family I thought would be there for me, was not. I am grateful to this group, someone to listen means so much. You have people here who will support you. Sending hugs and wishing you Peace.
Ann

@annben Thank you for your good wishes. They are much appreciated. I already did try twice. As you are aware, am 91 years old. I cannot go through this again. Nothing will change. If their plan is to treat me like an outsider, I just granted their wish.
I send you much sympathy on the loss of your son. Cancer is such a dreadful disease. May his memory be a blessing.

@mrmacabre First of all I want all to know that I had a horrible mother. I left everyone when I was 24 to get away from her. Some of her bad behavior may have been passed on to me. I have talked to my other son. He recalled that I had a "hair-trigger temper" and screamed a lot. This was a jolt for me because that's exactly what she did. The difference between the sons is that older son was willing to listen to me and immediately identified what I did so many years ago as learned behaviour. The grief therapist I consulted also gave me a diagnosis of PTSD due to child abuse and abandonment. The difference also between the boys is that older son was willing to talk and find out what was going on and we are closer than ever. Younger son just closed up. After a couple of attempts at reconciliation I have had it. I am too old to endure all this pain. So I gave younger son the gift of ending all communications. It is hurtful but I will get through it.

Thank you for responding. Cancer really is an awful disease, and brings such heartache to families. I hope your family will open their heart and spend some time with you. I wish you a peaceful and happy holiday. Thinking of you and everyone facing Christmas without their loved ones. Take Care.
Sending Hugs

@pml
I am sorry to hear of another child turning their back on their family. The Bible tells us this. We can pray and ask for God to soften their hearts. God will always be there for us, when no one else is. It is lonely when we loose our spouse. Do you have other children? I pray your son will reconnect with you. I hope you have a blessed Christmas. I am thankful to have Mayo Connect to vent and share stories. Take Care!
Sending Hugs