Cumulative Grief

@rivermaya34
Hi dear,
My sincerest condolences.
When you're up for it, may I suggest to take a mini brisk walk in the woods or try art creative expression. Whether that's in song, journal, draw. These helpful tools do benefit lives. Be gentle with yourself. There's alot of weight you''re carrying. We're with you!

@zenren14 Thank you for the encouragement and great suggestions. If my younger self could still run, I would. That was always my safe escape. I love writing, but hate Journaling with a passion bc it always makes me really angry and usually results in a bonfire. I tried it a few times this week and it hurt but also felt good bc it was a way for me to feel like I still have a connection with my best friend. I'm afraid to open up about the depths of my grief for fear of someone labeling me as "crazy" etc. My heart feels like its in shambles and I'm struggling to find healthy ways to deal with the grief so I can heal and move on with life. I guess this is what happens when denial turns into a mountain. I know it'll get better in time...at least, that's what people say. I feel like I just need to sit in silence surrounded by friends who are ready to give hugs when I ask. Sounds crazy, but I think that's what I’ve been missing. Thanks for being a listening ear, friend. I know that I am loved.

Read some books on grief to know you are not crazy......or at least not in regards to grief.

Also see a therapist if you can find a good one. There might also be a Hospice office in your area & they will have suggestions. Good luck.

@kayraymat Hadn't thought about a hospice office - that's a great suggestion, and there are several nearby actually. Thank you!

Experiencing a wave of grief - sadness, mostly, and no understanding of what happened. For the first time in my life, I'm asking the age-old 'Why' question and wishing we could trade places. But, I know there's a purpose in this; it's just so painful. What are you supposed to do when it comes over....just let it roll, feel and sit thru the emotions? I'm sure with time this will ease. Losing your best friend is the worst 💔 I don't advise it lol. 😕 Journaling is actually starting to help....and, I did go for a quiet walk in the warm sun today, where I felt safe to deal with and leave the brunt of my emotions. #justventing #thanksyall #communityisthebest #mayofamforever #muchlove

I learned this 'trick' from a little boy when his grandfather died. That grandfather was my brother. When he was playing Legos, he decided his grandfather was still there but was now just 'invisible'. That really stuck me as a child's solution to loss. I too have lost so many people in the last few years. Somehow it works at times. When I think of them, I picture them in their normal life, doing their normal things. Incorporating them into our thoughts in that way helps soften the pain we feel as we grieve them. After all, they do live in the hearts of those who loved them. Make no mistake. None of this is easy business. So much good advice from folks. Sometimes you have to try something totally new. Whatever it is, don't forget nice long deep breaths. The CALM app has some great meditations and sleep stories. For $80 a year you can have access day and night.

@mrmacabre no it doesn’t for everyone. I’m 7.5 months into losing my husband of 23 years suddenly. I’m in therapy weekly telehealth and talk to a psychiatrist once a month or so . None of it helps . The loneliness is the biggest killer .
Moving out of our dream home we built 4 weeks later to a lease home 2 hrs away ,3 x price , much smaller , 1/4 yard for me & my dogs has been hell .bi don’t drive in this crazy part of FL and haven’t although I have our SUV & a drivers license. My grown kids and little grandbabies live close but not in walking distance of here . They are soooo busy w/ life & work too .
Talking to yourself and watching the clock ⏰ all day to get to early bedtime is brutal too .
I wish it was as easy as talking to a therapist or taking a pill 💊.

@rozy288
I'm so sorry to hear of your husband dying only 7 and 1/2 months ago. I'm sure that must be very hard for you. My husband died of lung cancer in 2024. We were married for 30 years much like you and your husband being married for 23 years; basically a long wonderful time! I know how hard it is for you because it was and still is for me also. It gets a little better in time but actually all that really happens is you get into a routine and you have to deal with life such as replacing broken appliances, fixing the car, doctor appointments etc. However, that does create a sense of normality to your world somewhat. The one thing that has really helped me is prayer. I just talk to God like he's my best friend and he is! I tell him how lonely I am and what's wrong with my life. It helps and I get my prayers answered. I do know that my husband is up in Heaven and we'll be reunited in God's time and so will you with your husband. It's just hard and lonely waiting down here! You are fortunate to have family even busy ones. I am 79 and all my family and friends are up in Heaven. I do have nice neighbors, so that helps but they are busy too. So I keep busy. My house got neglected when I took care of my husband so I'm cleaning a lot; washing the windows, sorting drawers and getting rid of 30 years of junk!
If you need to talk, I'm available. I'll say a prayer for you in this difficult time. I wish you the best.
PML

Good morning
I lost my husband of 45 years in June 2025, and he died suddenly. I know what you are going through. For you it must be doubly tough, having lost your home as well. I personally have made zero changes. I'm in the same home we've been in for 15 years. I still drive the same vehicle and I have only moved his clothes to a different closet so I don't have to see them everyday. I gave a few personal things to my children but other than that I'm not making any changes. At least not for a while. For me personally, just losing him is more than I can handle. If I was to have to try to deal with a new home, even figuring out the technology of a new vehicle I would not be able to do that. May you find solace in your God and remember you can talk to him and you can talk to Jesus anytime. You may not hear them in the words that we expect and you may not see them in the way you want to, but they are always there as is your husband. Talk to him. I talk to mine all the time. I ask him his advice. I asked him if I'm doing things okay. Would he be proud of me and he always says yes. 💞

@footballmum I agree with much of what you said along with others who have commented on this subject and sorry to hear about your husband. My wife passed away totally unexpectedly in Feb 2025 from cardiac arrest at home in her sleep. We were married almost 53 years. I woke up in the morning and was in shock for days. Now almost 11 months later I am doing better and belong to a support group which has helped. I have made zero changes as well. This all takes time and I talk to her as well. One thing for sure, you're never the same after an experience like this. I wish you the best and be well.