Bill paying

So sorry for what you are going through. I think I was in denial when my husband started his decline. He was our financial person and did very well until dementia slowly worked its way into our lives. I realized what was going on when he tried doing our taxes and just kept shuffling papers around. I slowly took over and now I have full responsibility of everything. I tell him what I am doing and how much he has in his account. I make him sign checks that are coming out of his account so he feels that he some what in control. Good luck. This is one thing I wished I started earlier.

@chantelle

I am so sorry you are facing this heart wrenching challenge! Would it work at all to first let him know how much you appreciate his years of taking care of the finances for you both, but then explaining that since you are so much younger than he, it’s conceivable that at some point you will need take care of things for yourself, and you would rather start now while he can teach you everything? That way he still feels some control, but you are involved to catch mistakes and gently take over? You could let him know that this is important to your future and that you know he loves you so much and will want you to feel capable and secure……

This is difficult and I pray it works out with ease for you!

@wmehan thank you so much!

@babbsjoy thank you, I will certainly try that approach. A friend suggested that I let the bank know and they can require both of our signatures. That way I can work my way into this.

Before Alzheimer's entered, I had set up automatic bank bill pay on all routine payments (utilities, phone, credit cards, house payments, etc.). Takes a month or two, then its one less chore to have to worry about.

@chantelle
Great idea! While you are working on the banking/bill stuff, have you in place living wills, POA, etc? When my father was diagnosed with cancer again years ago, we put all that in place and I am so grateful that that is something I don’t have to worry about now. Maybe if you tell him you want to do it for you, and he should make his wishes known and established NOW as well, he will cooperate? Dad has also put me as a contact under HIPA for all his docs and his insurance company, which helps me get things done for him…..

@elliottw
Yes, but I would add that make sure the person with declining cognition doesn’t have access via their computer to the online banking, or the computer where this is done. Online security is so important and can go out the window under this scenario! (But what a great point auto pay and online banking is—a life saver with regard to time and running around!)

Our attorney suggested we add ' transfer on death' to spouse on our home deed. I don't know if that's everywhere or just here.