Cumulative Grief

I’m so sorry. It’s difficult to imagine how painful that would be. I think I would rely on family and friends for support and even seek grief counseling.

I'm so sorry for the extremely intense grief & trauma you are going through with the sudden deaths of dear friends & the violent deaths of a family you know. My heart is with you.
My first thought is that the collective trauma of all of these deaths, combined with the unresolved feelings that have now surfaced would be a lot for any human being to work through on their own- I certainly couldn't. I think it would be helpful to seek grief counseling with a Licensed Therapist.
I also highly recommend an online support community called griefshare.org. They provide both online & in-person support groups for those experiencing grief. They help you move through the grief process. Per their website:
"A GriefShare support group is a safe, welcoming place where people understand the difficult emotions of grief. Through this 13-week group, you’ll discover what to expect in the days ahead and what’s “normal” in grief. Since there are no neat, orderly stages of grief, you’ll learn helpful ways of coping with grief, in all its unpredictability—and gain solid support each step of the way."
Please know you are not alone. I, too, am experiencing intense grief over the sudden & shocking death (& manner of death) of my beloved
31 year-old
son-in-law.

I'd recommend talking with a mental health counselor, it works.

Thank you all for your encouragement, it means the workd to me. Unfortunately, family is not an option to lean on at this time due to strained / toxic relationships, disrespect of my boundaries, and insensitivity of my needs. I do, however, have a few friends who I can probably lean into, although I feel myself just wanting to shut everyone out atm bc of so many hurts. I'm trying to find healthy outlets to release this trapped energy bc I already have enough pent up inside my body and don't need anymore. If I could just get away for awhile, that would be nice. I despise holidays.

@rivermaya34, many of my friends have a lot going on in their own lives, so I am hesitant to lean too much. It’s tough. Online support helps.

@celia16 Yeah, that's what I think I'm really looking for at this time is online support. I tried Griefshare once already and it did not "click." I have intentions of getting back into therapy, but right now I'm in a transition period of life and not working atm. So, that's out of the question until then. I'm just so tired of "talking" to people in person etc, and would really prefer an online community, I just don't know where to find one yet (besides here, of course). I know I need something in the immediate future tho with the buildup of trauma, otherwise I'm afraid I won't be equipped to face the holidays or even do normal life activities. I don't want to be halted. I totally get ya - thanks for the encouragement. Sending hugs.

Hi,
I'm so sorry that you experienced this terrible loss in your life of good friends! What an awful shock and how lonely you must feel. My husband of 30 years died of lung cancer in 2024 so I understand the lonliness but his death was expected. I'm sure your friends' deaths weren't expected which makes it much worse for you to deal with. What has helped me the most was prayer. I gave all my grief and loneliness up to God and asked for his help and he has helped me immensely. I just talk to God like he's my best friend and he is! I know that my husband is up in Heaven and we'll be together in God's time. It's just lonely waiting. Your dear friends are all up in Heaven also and you will be reunited with them eventually in God's time also. Remember before Jesus died he said, "I go to prepare a place for you." and he did. Be thankful that you had such nice, dear friends and had I'm sure very enjoyable times with them. You were fortunate to have found special people like them to share your life with. Many of us aren't so lucky.
If you need to talk I have plenty of time. I'll say a prayer for you.
I wish you the best.
PML

@pml Hey there! I deeply appreciate your openness and honesty. And, I am SO sorry to hear about your husband's passing! :'( But, you said it exactly right - when we have the right hope, we can KNOW where our loved ones will be and that we will see them again, in time. Right now, I have survivor's guilt for a lot of reasons, which I know is pretty common. Prayer is my #1 outlet because God has always been #1 in my life since day one, and He always will be. So, I'm very thankful that I am able to converse with Him all day long, at my leisure; I could NOT do this life w/o Him (or the body of Christ)! That being said, there are practical aspects to this, which is where I'm really held up atm. My best friend died suddenly of a heart attack while at the store and never made it to the hospital. The other four were part of a family of five that I know from my university. One of the sons was mentally unstable and "snapped," so he shot his parents and one brother during the night, set the house on fire, then killed himself in public a block away from my school. It's all just so unbelievable. And, what's worse - this just reinforces what could have happened at work due to the unstable situation of my coworker who was another close friend of mine. I warned management of the appropriate red flags for 6 months and they continued to look away and not document nor deal with the situation. Finally, after catching my friend trying to openly harm herself at work, I knew things were bad and had to breach trust, which felt horrible (especially given my background - long story). They still did nothing, but I continued to press in because I had knowledge of an active hit list she had, which contained some of my coworkers on it. After too many confrontations and realizing they were OK with jeopardizing the safety of their own people, I quit without any notice because I no longer felt safe and was not going to stick around and have my throat possibly slit (not even joking - she carried knives with her, etc). There are tons more things I could say that add to the many layers of grief, but this last week really hit hard. Finding out so close together all on the same day is what really hurt. It was during the funeral yesterday for my best friend that finally everything sunk in and I felt like I was drowning. I just sat and cried. A lot. A sweet older lady who I didn't even know just came up to me and held me. She acknowledged the depth of my grief and her presence alone gave me peace. Thankfully, exhaustion protected me today from that reoccurring. After enduring SO many deaths over the years, I'm not sure why this one is hitting me the hardest. Especially when I know where he is. Been reflecting a lot upon that...oy vey. 😔 Thank you for your concern and prayers - I will never turn that down!

@rivermaya34,
You have been through an awful lot of sadness and it sounds like some danger. But it's so good that you have God in your life and that you pray! That's so important these days or anytime for that matter. God is there for you as I'm sure you have seen many times. I know I don't know what I'd do without God; especially now I'm alone without my husband.
You will get through this whole ordeal with God's help. It's good that you found this forum. They are very helpful and kind. They were there for me when my husband died and still are.
I'm here if you ever just need to talk. I'll continue to remember you in my prayers.
PML

@pml You are very kind, my fellow sister. As painful as your experiences are / have been, I'm grateful to meet people like you who haven't always had it easy because it brings great comfort and encouragement to my spirit. My life started out hard and really has never let up, but I wouldn't be the person I am today without God leading me through it all and showing up in every moment, being the One who I needed most. The enemy has been after my life, trying to derail my journey since basically always, but the Lord has spared me time and time again, from myself and others. If my life were made into a movie, it'd be rated 'MA' - I can't make this stuff up, as I'm sure you have an incredibly colorful journey as well; we all do, especially when we are following Christ. My grief atm is so complex and has many layers - I've lost numerous people thru a variety of situations, but I've also been grieving my health for years+ now, my job, etc. BUT, I know that Romans 8:18 rings true and there are better (more abundant) days ahead, nonetheless. I've got my eye on the prize and I'm clinging to the hem of His garment; nothing can harm me. I'm thankful for Job's testimony, among others, because it helps me to draw strength and hope from the One who IS. 🙂 Thank you so much for being one of many here for me when I need to be surrounded by community most. And, I'll always appreciate the prayers. < 3 Likewise, I am here for you and anyone else who needs to talk. About anything.