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SAD/Angry/SAD/Guilty/SAD
I have read this situation here but have never experienced it myself until recently:
My DH is stage 5 VD and some days cannot dress himself. He has a son, daughter and stepdaughter from a previous marriage. The stepdaughter has caused a big riff in the family. She seems to have turned the son and daughter somewhat against me which makes me very sad because we have had a great relationship for 17 years.
Today was devastating to me - his son took him to lunch and the stepdaughter met them at the restaurant. It apparently was planned. He didn't know she was coming (he doesn't want to be around her) and neither did I. I feel they plotted behind my back. Unfortunately, when he told me she was there, I lost it, not at him, but to him and I can't get the guilty feeling to go away. It really upset him and I never intended that to happen. I pray this won't cause him to digress. Why didn't I just take a deep breath?
As if we don't have enough on our plates…….
Thank you for letting me vent -
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Your reaction is understandable. Feeling betrayed and left out is a natural response when plans are made behind your back, especially with someone who has caused conflict. You are under stress, and one moment of losing your cool does not erase 17 years of care. Focus on reconnecting with your husband now, maybe with a simple, quiet activity, and try to let the guilt go.
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6 ReactionsI completely agree with bridgeback2.
Your reaction is understandable. You were betrayed and left out. More stress you don't need. He might be their dad, but he's your husband and your responsibility, just like if he were a small child and you were the mom. They were wrong to arrange a secret meeting,
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7 ReactionsI'm sure we all respond at times in a way we wish we could go back and change. Sorry for the situation. Be kind to yourself. When I didn't fully understand my mom's dementia, I reacted at times in frustration. But, I learned. It's the best I can do.
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2 ReactionsYour reaction is certainly understandable. I'm sure I would have blown a fuse at the son and stepdaughter... but that's so not productive. Hopefully your DH will be able to let it go. Your job is hard enough, you don't need to manage these petty disruptions. I hope your family can heal, or at least find peace.
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3 Reactions@bridgeback2
Thank you so much for your feedback and words of encouragement. He has already forgotten about the conversation and today has been a regular day. We even went to dinner tonight and enjoyed it.
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6 Reactions@trishaanderson
Thank you for your feedback - and thank you for understanding the stress. He has already forgotten about the conversation and things were fine today.
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1 Reaction@tracidw
Thank you for your feedback and understanding the situation. It is frustrating and I have vowed to never let this happen again. We do constantly learn what the best thing to do is.
@cyds
Thank you. I agree that our family needs to heal and find peace and maybe that will happen one day. This is hard enough without the dissention between us. Fortunately, my DH has already forgotten the incident.
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1 Reaction@ljchr, great for you, I'm glad you sorted it out
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1 Reaction@ljchr honestly I view the fact that my DH forgets so quickly as a mixed blessing… he forgets conversations, but he holds onto feelings longer, and doesn’t really know where that feeling is coming from, so I’m careful, bit certainly not perfect - I shoot for consistency.
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6 Reactions