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My family and others thought I was terrible, turns out it was ADHD
Having undiagnosed ADHD until I was forty caused severe, lasting trauma and widespread damage. With Harvard and Radcliffe (Summa Cum Laude-with a photographic memory) graduates for parents, who worshipped at the feet of Education, with a preset, fixed, future role for their only son, they would release what practically mimicked a demonic assault on their only beloved son. Without warning by the age of 8, I became a "God-Damned, Son-of-a-Bitch, spoiled rotten, lazy, worthless, kid" for refusing to do my schoolwork. My entire family was jolted and sent railing for decades for my refusal to apply myself, to reject a Harvard education, a Rhodes Scholarship, completing my education at Oxford, eventually running a major corporation and finally winning the Presidency. They were devastated by me. I had unwittingly and singlehandedly nearly destroyed them. My ADHD left me bewildered, bruised, and confused with a lifelong need to hate myself. I figured, even as a young boy, if I only I could hate myself sufficiently, I would repent and become the man they intended. With enough self-hatred I could fashion myself in their image of what I was destined to become and at last relieve their suffering, their excessive drinking, shouting, accusing, fighting and their bitterness and tragic disappointment in their own lives.
I spent a decade sitting in classrooms without hearing the lessons taught, without reading the assignments, without following along in classroom discussions. No one recognized I was unable to attend to the daily demands of schooling. They did know that I was no good. In fact, I was evil. They made it clear how terrible I was hourly, daily, weekly, month by month, year by year.
One dose of Ritalin at 40 was proof--within 30 minutes--I wasn't to blame.
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@relieffrompain
Check out. HSP/HSC , highly sensitive person/child. Alanis Morrisette.
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1 Reaction@shmerdloff
I KNOW. It is a real phenomenon.
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1 ReactionFrom Dr. Ned Hallowell author of Driven To Distraction. My favorite book on adult ADHD
Potential strengths
Creativity: The same traits that cause distractibility can lead to novel ideas.
Curiosity: A natural inquisitiveness.
Energy: Restlessness can be a source of high energy and motivation for what is interesting.
Resilience: A history of overcoming challenges.
Spontaneity: A creative approach to life.
Excellent problem-solving: The ability to think outside the box.
Hallowell and Ratey, 1994, felt that ADHD expressed itself differently in adults and developed this diagnostic rating scale.
For a positive diagnosis, the behavior must be considerably more frequent than most people of the same mental age
A chronic disturbance in which at least 12 of the following are frequently present:
A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
Difficulty getting organized.
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow-through.
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
A frequent search for high stimulation.
An intolerance of boredom.
Easy distractibility, trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation, often coupled with an ability to hyperfocus at times.
Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent.
Trouble in going through established channels, following “proper” procedure.
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as in impulsive spending of money, changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans, and the like; hot-tempered.
A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with intention to or disregard for actual dangers.
A sense of insecurity.
Mood Swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or project.
Physical or cognitive restlessness.
A tendency toward addictive behavior.
Chronic problems with self-esteem.
Inaccurate self-observation
Family history of ADD or manic-depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.
Childhood history of ADD. (It may not have been formally diagnosed, but in reviewing the history, one sees that the signs and symptoms were there.)
Situation not explained by other medical or psychiatric condition.
An ADHD brain is like a race car with a powerful, high-speed engine with "bicycle brakes."
How ADHD and empathy are linked
Double-edged sword: The intense empathy common in those with ADHD is a gift for forming strong relationships, as it allows for a deep understanding of others' feelings.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): This intense emotional pain from perceived rejection or failure is a common experience for people with ADHD, though it's not an official part of the diagnostic criteria.
Intense experience: RSD can feel like "unbelievable pain" or sadness that can be debilitating. It can also lead to misinterpreting neutral social cues as personal rejection, causing significant hurt.
According to psychiatrist Edward Hallowell, this "sixth sense" involves a quick, "gut" understanding of things and a creative, "out-of-the-box" way of problem-solving that can be a tremendous asset if properly nurtured and not suppressed by pressure for linear, methodical thinking
Hallowell
Recently, I read a paper by an M.I.T. student who discovered as an adult that she has ADHD. Her work on the topic was excellent and out of 80 to 90 pages one of her observations was particularly affirming.
Upon the initiation of treatment, she was stunned immediately how profoundly her perception of reality shifted. For the first time in her life and without any effort, she was paying attention. Like Helen Keller who remembered "wawa" as it was spelled into her hand and the pump soaked her arm and her face and she grabbed the handle and drew H20 out of the earth, triggering her fully intact memory.
One of the most moving scenes I ever saw. Like the first I could focus my brain. I NEVER KNEW WHAT THAT WAS LIKE, AT 40 YEARS OF AGE. BEAUTY I'D ALWAYS MISSED WITH THESE EYES BEFORE
I have had ADHD all of my life (I was diagnosed as a teenager and now I am an adult) I have talked to a lot of people who were diagnosed as children, and some later in life; some accept that they have ADHD and see it as a way to explain why they behave or act in a certain way. (Constant foot tapers, or constantly forget where they put their keys or purse or backpack or why they are so outgoing, friendly and creative) while others see it as "curse" or hate having it.
I won't go into details about my personal story, but I can relate to most who are diagnosed either they think there life is ruined or that it is the end of the world or see it as a way to explain why they are foot tappers, are super friendly or really creative.
It is not the worst thing to be ADHD, or have ADHD, lots of famous people have ADHD and it is actually a pretty common thing to be ADHD or have ADHD-like symptoms.
I have had it all of my life, and I see it not as "curse" but something that I live with or what makes me so unique or special.
I was embarrassed for many years to even tell people I have ADHD or let them see that side of me but I don't hide it anymore and I just be ADHD, and people don't accept me or like me that is okay and I am fine with that.
Some people who have ADHD are medicated and some are not, it all depends on you and what you think is best, some seek other alternatives to medication such as using grounding techniques or having behavioral or cognitive therapy, or go to ADHD support groups.
Don't beat yourself up for having it, or were later diagnosed in life, some of us have had it all of our lives and are used to it or don't notice it, while others have recently been diagnosed.
Just be patient with yourself, go easy on yourself and find laughter in things, and don't forget to smile!
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3 Reactions@mustlovedogs89
You are right, each is an individual Some are so bright they manage fine w/o assistance. Some have very, very mild symptoms and intervention hardly makes a difference. We do know it is real and often treatable and often gives the sufferer a new beginning.
I love being ADHD. Now that I know what destroyed me for 40 years, that there is a name for it and in most cases it is treatable. I love the ways in which I can apply my formula one brakes and use the other gifts I have to fulfil my calling/my destiny. I love my brain and its peculiarities. I love reaching the bottom line almost instantly and without trying sense a new solution outside traditional approaches. I love my big heart. I love trying to brighten everyone's day. I love being nutty. I love to learn, to read, to listen to lectures and audiobooks without having to drink 40 cups of coffee to wake up my brain.
I am enormously grateful to know after suffering deeply for so long that it wasn't all my fault. And even though my folks minimized its impact and the role they played in destroying me, I don't consider them as intellectual giants like I did for years. Today, I am as smart and as well educated as they were when they condemned me. My brain works now and for me that is a miracle of miracles. I was bound in unbreakable chains for 40 years and today I'm free. Never thought it would happen.
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4 Reactions@relieffrompain
Ride my seesaw. Take this place on this trip just for me.
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1 Reaction@shme
And I asked this God a question
And by way of firm reply
He said, "I'm not the kind you have to wind up on Sundays"
And your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick.
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