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@kartwk You said "I am right with you about H always depending on me and I on him. Now, I can't depend on him."
Wow, this is right in line with a current discussion we have been having with a much younger person Not due to memory loss, but due to an acrimonious divorce (initiated by him.)
We have been trying to teach her to read financial statements, figure out who owns which credit cards, digital accounts, etc, how her computer network functions...
That led to a conversation with our closest friends, all over 70 (some well over) during which one spouse acknowledged that they know little about their financial affairs, how to operate the technology-loaded household, their insurance, etc. The rest of us at least share knowledge of all aspects of these things, and have made files or vaults of passwords, account numbers, and a record of where wills, insurance policies, warranty information, etc is stored.
We have an appointment in November to update all of our documents, including durable powers of attorney, which we executed years ago. We have a special fire safe where we keep all of this so our kids have access if needed. Our friends with no children have either a different family member or a trusted advisor who has copies of their documents. We started this years ago when a dear friend had a severe stroke from an aneurysm in her 40's, and it was unknown whether she would recover (she was part of the conversation last week, 31 years later!)
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@sueinmn
We use to handle things and make decisions together. Now he goes off giving things away to strangers.
It is one thing to take care of one's self, but the full or partial burden of a loved one is, well, heavy, very heavy at times.
And we all feel the strain of it. I don't think any of us who post here plan to go for sainthood. We are human, have our needs and need support and help. We are herd animals, so to speak.
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@sueinmn
Wow Sue, in life's journey age doesn't really matter.
What you describe with the younger person is how my Dad was after my Mom had her stroke. She took care of everything. I actually had to educate him on writing checks and balancing his check book. Not that he couldn't do it, but hadn't had to in over 50+ years.
I had to educate him about a lot of scams when his good neighbor of almost 50 years lost his savings to a phone scam. One of those deals where they call you and tell you they need your account to deposit money you have coming to you. They emptied the poor man's account in minutes. Sad, so sad.
Like you I have a fireproof place to keep documents, and in my current situation I check it all the time to make sure things are, shall we say, as they should be.