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What about Me?
I am so tired, tired of dealing with all the groaning, moaning all day, every day even through meals which is making me not want to prepare meals or eat with H.
I understand he is scared as he has some understanding of what is happening to him mentally, but geez, it is not my fault. He gets mean and yells at me, publicly, like I am a child!
Friends are kind, but as others have said, we - him - are just not fun any more. I know some are afraid this will eventually happen to them. People we really don't know have tried to take advantage of him.
Heck, his middle daughter tried to get him to change his will to her favor when he was in the hospital last year. This daughter he really hasn't seen in almost a year, no birthday card or Father's Day card to him.
I understand the Calvery is not coming, but darn, it sure is difficult as more and more things go on. I am feeling very lonely.
Keeping up the house is difficult. We are just $300 a month from being eligible for various assistant programs.
The above-mentioned daughter has now started lying about me to her sister and brother. I have always had a good relationship with his eldest daughter since her and her father reconciled (over her changing religion before I met her, which no one in the family understood). The last few times I have talked to her she has been frigid at best. Seems the middle daughter is putting things out there that I am stealing their inheritance among other things.
This just floors me. I have had enough and don't need this with his family on top of everything going on with him daily. The door is starting to look pretty good right now and I can guarantee you that none of his adult children will help him out. None of them has done anything for us in the, oh, last 31 years, whether we needed help or not. His son has hit us up for $$ over the years, and the middle daughter's sons always have their hands out.
The truth be told, when I married their father some 31 years ago, he had a decent job but really had nothing. I had a house that was over 50% paid for, a paid off car, furniture. At that time he had just finished paying child support for his youngest son, who came to live with him after the child support stopped.
These people are starting to scare me. Right now I know what his will says, but I am afraid that if he gets enough pressure, he will cave to them.
This is part of me dealing with being his caretaker. It scares the begesus out of me. I did talk to a lawyer but I can only do things with items that are mine. It is not like we have a lot, just the house, the 8 yr. old car, and my furniture with a few pieces added.
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@deniae
TOTALLY get it, my friend. Religious beliefs, to me, are a private matter and shouldn't be used as weapons. Good comes from good and bad comes from bad. At least that's what I believe. Each of us should be able to believe (or not believe) what is best for each of us. To me actions always speak louder than lip service. NOBODY "knows" for certain about a thing. No one can. Whatever "salvation " may lie ahead for us or whatever "judgment" may happen later shouldn't be something we, here on earth, are meant to obsess over. There is the here and now we must focus on if we are to survive life's challenges and celebrate the joy it offers. 💞
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1 Reaction@suppiskey2surv
The crying was good crying, as in being heard.
Boy I sure wish you were around here to kick his middle daughter's butt, and his useless son too. The middle one lives 5 miles away and he never sees or hears from her UNTIL she wants something, like one of our lawnmowers, for one of her sons. Then she is all over him until she gets what she wants and disappears again.
I agree with you totally about the pillow incident you described. YES, he should have helped you. Like you, I know I am on my own even now because even when and if he is having a good day he doesn't like to make decisions. The weight of all that gets oh so heavy.
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1 Reaction@deniae
You hit on it exactly - vultures. My Dad left me his replica revolutionary war rifle he used in those re-enactments. The daughter has been trying to get that given to her since I inherited. She talked about it all the time, wanted to see it, try to shoot it (black powder rifle) which I won't let her near. She has stolen from me before and would not hesitate to do so again if it is something she wants.
H knows she stole from me and what she took but he would not back me in getting it back because he doesn't want to upset her as he was hoping we could depend on her to help out in our old age. 14 years down here has confirmed that is wishful thinking on his part.
@suppiskey2surv
Agree with you totally on religious beliefs. I just go on what my beloved Grandmother always said: "When someone shows you what they are, believe them". It actually went further when she added that if you hang around with someone who is not nice to others, don't be surprised when they get around to you."
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1 ReactionI try to chuckle a bit too. Any one know a local theater group that needs someone to play Jacob Marley, Scrooge's deceased partner in "A Christmas Carol"?
H is all ready to go, no practice needed, just give him the costume and some chains to rattle.
@deniae
You know deniae, feeling like that is part of grief we are already going through as our partners go down this path. We are angry at what is happening to them and to us. In some ways we don't understand why. We pray, we try to bargain, try to understand why, etc. and we feel alone in this journey.
I think that when things finally do come to the final end, we will have gone through most of the stages of grief and be more accepting. But then, what do I know.
One more thing, I also think that when this thing, illness, dementia, starts to happen to the husband's of friends of mine they will be calling me to talk and give them comfort etc. I don't know if I will be able to do that. Does that sound mean or strange? These are people that we all know who start to distance themselves from us when our journey started and we needed help, a listening ear, a hand with shopping, etc.
As I read this back, I can see we are having an open and honest conversation about true feelings, fears, etc. That is what we need, to open up and get support. But it has to be honest support.
@celia16
We have wills but H won't do a POA for some reason he thinks that is giving away control of things now. It is also one of the things, like the will, he procrastinates on.
When his daughter tried to get him to sign a will when he was in the hospital for heart issues, oh, about 16 months ago, I saw an attorney on my own. H is taken care of in my will, but certain heirloom items are passed back to my people.
I am the last in my family. I had a daughter that was killed in a car accident when a drunk driver crossed into her lane.
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1 Reaction@celia16
My younger cousin has my POA and executorship. She is one good, tough person. I would like to be around to see if H's kids go after anything because that would definately be a what is it called? WW Smackdown.
But, it shouldn't have to come to that.
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1 Reaction@deniae
You are right on - that is what it was. None of her kids wanted to take care of her.
But that made me really sit up and take notice and evaluate what was going on regarding us.
Remember, when people show you what they are, BELIEVE them.
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