Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

Posted by Morgan17 @harmony11, Mar 15 11:20pm

As we grow older, many of us face the reality of living alone or being without a strong support system. Let’s talk about it—how do you stay connected with others, maintain your independence, and find joy in this stage of life? Are there communities, activities, or personal practices that have made a difference for you? Let’s share ideas, experiences, and encouragement to remind ourselves that we’re never truly alone.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

Profile picture for loraclucy @loraclucy

I just turned 80. I don’t mind being alone but I can’t stop obsessing about being old. It occupies my thoughts constantly. Any advice on how to stop thinking this way would be welcome.

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@loraclucy

Can you say more about how you "obsess"? What kind of thoughts?

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Not sure if you are experiencing what I am. After losing my first husband to cancer at 52 (I was 44) I became almost obsessed with my own demise. I have since lost my parents and 3 brothers. I've seen a lot of death. My husband is not a very well man as he has aged. I'm pretty much on my own. So I always have the monkey on my shoulder reminding me how precious life is. I'm not sure if this is good thing because it keeps me on my toes or a bad thing because I spend so much time thinking about it. Since 2013 there has been a death every two years in my immediate family. So I think my 'fear' is justified but it doesn't ever go away.

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Profile picture for gravity3 @gravity3

@loraclucy

Can you say more about how you "obsess"? What kind of thoughts?

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@gravity3
I just keep focusing on the fact that I have only a short time left.

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I think that obsessing about age should be a topic in itself because I bet that a lot of us do just that. I'm 81, with 82 in a month, O Drats! This morning I found myself asking Alexa to confirm that a score was 20 years and doing some mental adjustments about the US at the time of the Civil War (reference to The Gettysburg Address). For no good reason, it felt reassuring that a country could be young at a similar age to me.

"I'm 81, so someone please give me a seat because if I fall, this bus isn't going anywhere." "This is the last [fill in the blank] that I'll probably ever buy; do I REALLY need to wait for a sale?" Last year I had a 6-month recuperative period from an injury, and I'm very aware that I don't have a lot of six-months left where I might come out okay on the other side. This may have made me overly cautious. Yes, it's a big deal to be a post-septuagenarian.

Although I'm an introvert and something of a recluse, even I have my minimum need for interaction. It's other people that keep us alive and force our thoughts to roam outside ourselves. At the seniors center once a week I can assess my 80-something self against others in a chair exercise program and listen to general chatter. When Covid shut everything down I began taking walks that still continue, where I look around as though I'm with a young grandchild, focusing on what is interesting, or pretty, or smells nice. If I want to talk to a passer-by, there's often a subject of conversation at the end of leash.

Unfortunately, stewing about age doesn't make you last any longer - it just feels that way, a profound weight. I take my daily inventory on what is still working, send a daily message to my daughter-in-law that I'm still alive, buy no more than two years worth of anything, feel glad that I'm not the one who will have to clear out the house when I pass. Don't know where this came from "And so it goes, and so it goes, and so will I, too ... I suppose."

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Thanks so much for the great response!

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Are you feeling unwell and/or weak ? If not too bad, then 80 might not be scary, but more like, there are people to love, activities to enjoy…i feel like I made it here, what comes will come and I’ll do my best to handle it well…it gets scary when we project all the negatives that might happen. Age is a mix of good and the not necessarily so good, but we make it to the next day to share some love and the next day to hear some awesome music….etc.. wishing you some good times !

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Profile picture for retirement75 @retirement75

@brenday43
I so relate to your post. I had a group of women involved in book club,plus a lot of social activity, for 20 years. In the fall of 2020, I experienced a third heart attack, then bypass surgery and diagnosed with heart failure. This was during Covid. The women decided to discontinue book club and I only heard from two after surgery and now 5 years out. I am unable to rebuild as a lot of not feeling well enough to plan or socialize. I’m feeling these women aren’t who I thought they were.

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Everything evolves. It was great, good for a while. Then it came time for a change. Time to make new memories. It is reaching out when you have become entrenched. Start over be glad for what was, new will be new. This is good for you to experience this for mental health. Everyone is who they are just not who we think they are.

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Profile picture for loraclucy @loraclucy

@gravity3
I just keep focusing on the fact that I have only a short time left.

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@loraclucy you only have this moment. Do not waste it. The minute I do this it is a wake up to act Pollyanna and replace with the positive. Laugh at yourself and say close call but no negative now. Remember good. save the negative for a counselor.

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Thank you. You made me feel better!

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BTW- My maiden name is
McFarlin

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