How to set boundaries with an adult child who threatens suicide?
My adult son has been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. We think (and he does too) that there may be some bipolar tendencies, but he won't get help anymore. I am trying to set boundaries with him, as he calls me several times a day, and can be very demanding, and if I don't help him feel better (I just don't know how to sometimes, and also I have a lot of other people in my life I care for and need me) then he can get extremely mean with me. If I try to get off the phone instead of hearing how horrible I am over and over, then he has incredible meltdowns. Today when I had to get off the phone because I just couldn't take hearing his cruelty anymore, he sent a video of himself to my husband screaming and crying hysterically, because he knew my husband would show me. And wrote cryptic texts like he doesn't want to see us for months, but he probably won't make it anyways as he wants to die. I think this is manipulative, but what if it's real? How do you set healthy boundaries with someone who is suicidal?
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Your sone at 25 is his own person and possibly he has not grown up yet. You need to let him hit rock bottom so he’ll get the help he needs. Until such time he”ll continue to play you and your husband unless you take a stand and say no more. If you’re not in therapy you both need it that is you and your husband. You need to develop some skills to enable you to let go. You’re not doing him any favors by allowing him to treat you harshly and stay on the phone. If he calls don’t answer and don’t let your husband play devils advocate by sharing those pics with you. You guys can be a team to save yourselves first before your son drags you both down. It’s called tuff love.
@jenatsky
Thank you, and I did intake with a therapist today. I wish I could start immediately, but will survive for a couple weeks while i wait for the first session. Are there any good books to read in the meantime? I just have to figure out how to deal with the overwhelming fear that he really will hurt himself. And then how do we go on afterwards if he does, after yelling at us "you led me to this, you did it" (which is another thing he screamed at my husband as he was getting in his car the other night. ) I know I have unhealthy patterns and am working on it, just so confused on when i really do need to take him seriously. He told me today that even though he said he would do it the other night, he never would, he just needed me to hear how much he was hurting, and that i overreact, and should just listen and know that he will be OK. That's messed up. Maybe I do overreact, but i told him to call someone else then, because I simply can't take it if it's not real. But how do I know this isn't the time he means it? I tell you though, my body can't physically take it anymore, I do think I'm ready to finally set those boundaries and keep them because of my physical issues.
oh, I just saw that someone else recommended a book; 'Im not sick I don't need help' , I will try that.