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Inner turmoil about BE keeping me from attending ball game
I have had BE for about 3 years. I have 10 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren. My son who had five of those grandchildren died of cancer 2 years ago. He had inherited a disease from his biological father, and it was his cause of death. His youngest son is now 13. He misses his father so very much. I live in Phoenix where it's still close to 100. I was hoping to go to this grandson's first baseball game on a club team today. However, it will be 99 degrees with 55% humidity. I am fighting with myself. I know intellectually that I should not go because of my age (84) and BE. I want so much to be a support to this 13 year old who has lost so much. He also has the disease and knows what happened to his dad. My living son told me I should not go, and that was helpful. However, the inner turmoil remains. I will not go. Perhaps tomorrow.
I do see a therapist, but dealing with this wanting to be there and knowing I can't go is an immediate situation.
I love the wisdom of this support group. How do you handle similar situations? I'd appreciate any input. Thanking you in advance.
Roz
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I'm so sorry to hear about your son and grandson. That has to be so hard for you. That heat sounds awful though.
This is just a thought...
Could you go for an inning or wait in air conditioning until it was his bat a couple times? I've no idea if that would be practical given driving time, but something to consider. Hopefully, the weather for the next game will be cooler..
My grandchildren are young, but have started swim teams. Summer here is ok with meets being outside, but I've debated like you about indoor meets. I went to part of them last year and if the pool area had a lot of humidity (a couple really did), I'd go out in hall or outside until my daughter messaged me that his event was approaching. She also sent videos of his laps and I'd send him a note for a couple I missed. Perhaps his mom or another relative could do that for you.
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5 ReactionsThank you for your kindness. It is really hard.
Your ideas are great. Thank you. What you do for the indoor meets is excellent. I never thought about the humidity in indoor pools. I might be able to do it. The field they're playing on now is 45 minutes away. I don't drive on highways, so my driving there is not easy. Maybe next time it will be closer or I'll be able to go because the weather is better. At least he's given up tackle football which he played for two years. Watching that was painful.
Have fun watching the little kids compete.
Thanks again, Roz
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3 ReactionsCan you set up a FaceTime call with someone at the game for part of the game like when he’s at bat then follow up with him after the game is over to let him know you were able to watch part of the game? I know it’s hard and great that you are reaching out for help and support. With the long distance to drive combined with the heat it sounds like making the decision not to go is best. So sorry about the loss of your son.
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5 ReactionsRoz,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
All the above comments are fabulous and I will chip in as well. When my grandsons have games, meets, etc., I wear an N95 mask. I worked in the Covid labs at UMN and Mayo so it's nothing for me to mask, and I'm never the only one. Kids and crowds are petri
dishes, and I refuse to miss out on special occasions in my life just because of BE/MAI.
Please do whatever you are comfortable with because in this day of tech, anything is possible, and we all support you!
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3 ReactionsGreat idea. I'll ask my daughter in law to please FaceTime me when he is up to bat. She actually wrote me last night telling me it was so hot yesterday I should not go today. That made me feel better about not going. The game today is at 2:45, the hottest time of the day.
Thank you for your kindness about my son.
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2 ReactionsThank you for your kindness about my son.
I often wear a mask for an inside activity but not for an outside game. That's a good idea. This time it's the unrelenting heat of the Arizona summer (seems it never ends).
Thank you for the support.
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2 ReactionsYou have some great thoughts above and I am going to add my two cents. For various reasons including my disappointment in myself that I didn't write my Mother many times before she passed...I used the telephone mostly and flew to stay with her months at a time. She passed due to emphysema.
I believe sending notes and letters is a wonderful way to let your grandson know you are interested in what he is doing, how he is doing and how you wish you could be there. I think there are many lessons gained with sending notes and letter writing....including the memory of how we felt when we received them and looked forward to them. It might start something good. I am sure you will be told how he played via verbal conversations and technology, therefore you will know what exactly to say.
You have had to work your way through some hard times and decisions and as we know they often pop up when we least expect them.
It sounds like your family wants you to do what is best for yourself.
You will find your way and hope we have all given you food for thought.
Barbara
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1 ReactionThank you, Barbara, for all your heart felt thoughts and sharing your feelings about your relationship with your mother before she died. I think we never think we have done enough for those people we love. I appreciate your suggestions. Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you spent time with your mother. Life is hard in many ways.
Roz
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2 ReactionsHugs are essential. So appreciated.
Thank you for the hug. So appreciated