Lived with some form of grief since I was 5…

Im so sorry for your loss. Yes, that is do traumatic. Its been said there is no timetable for grief. I belief it doesn't go away and we deal with it in our own unique way.
Im just starting to learn about how generations of parents have shaped us. Im trying to examine my triggers to find where they come from. I tried one ptsd support group and the facilitator triggered me if your group helps you and its online. I hope you will share that with us. This complex ptsd is so new that so many people are trying to make so much money off victims. That mistrust probably came from the little girl who could not depend on her family.

I am sorry for your loss. I do understand I have lost my mom daddy two big brothers husband and son. My life has been difficult since childhood. Didn't get any better with age. I was married to narsicist for 40 years horrible abuse. Now I have o many health issues . physical and mental. I am sending prayers to you. I hope things inprove for you. gentle hug..

Am hearing you. I was abandoned at age 3. Mom came back - one or two years later. I guess it causes some sort of brain damage if you will? Then she married my stepfather and of course I suffered at least 7-10 years of sexual abuse. I think those two events broke my brain because now I can't trust anyone and stand on my own two feet because I just can't trust anyone. It is just me and God...I just try to focus on the good people God helps me meet.

Even my four kids don't understand me and my quirks from having PTSD out the wazoo! That is why I am typing this...up at 3 am. Beating myself up because I guess I forgot to instill more compassion in my kids. They are all highly successful, I raised them all four pretty much single handedly....but they don't see me as perhaps a possible imperfect human being who is just trying to get through life in one piece.

Yup..me and God. That's about it.

I hear you...being alone in the world is very hard...lonely. But we do have God, the sunrise to enjoy each morning, the peace of watching all the things God gives us to enjoy. People aren't one of them...but then again, all humans suffer human failings. That is why we must look to Him. Don't mean to sound "preachy" as I am not a "religious nut" - but when the world and life is the way it is we have a choice to be sad, bitter, etc...OR we look for support.

I have been the whole gambit at one time or another the last 35 years: PTSD support groups can be good if you find the right one...and you will. There is a time and place for everything. Don't give up - we are here for a reason and honestly? I am turning 70 next week and life is actually turning for the better.

It will really suck if my life "comes together" on my death bed - then again, maybe that is what is "Heaven" - finally? Have considered suicide so many times but my friend God seems to tell me that is a no no and that I have to stay here until my purpose is fulfilled. And as I get older I am actually experiencing things that make me feel like He did have a purpose for me. Then again, when I wake and feel like nothing but a punching bag for my adult kids who don't seem to want to even know the real me at all, I feel like a pretty crappy mom because I didn't teach them compassion enough to visit their mom...?

Don't know. Feelings and thinking are two different things. I feel like a crappy Mom but my brain tells me I did the best I could with what I had...so then I feel better. My kids are not perfect - like I once thought. LOL. Imagine that?