Im so sorry for your loss. Yes, that is do traumatic. Its been said there is no timetable for grief. I belief it doesn't go away and we deal with it in our own unique way.
Im just starting to learn about how generations of parents have shaped us. Im trying to examine my triggers to find where they come from. I tried one ptsd support group and the facilitator triggered me if your group helps you and its online. I hope you will share that with us. This complex ptsd is so new that so many people are trying to make so much money off victims. That mistrust probably came from the little girl who could not depend on her family.