Recovering from loss: How do I get back to my old self?

This is exactly how I'm feeling. I lost my father with only two weeks to absorb the fact that he was dying. He was my anchor. I feel like I've completely lost myself. I'm letting myself go and isolating myself (though I was already pretty isolated.) I feel I'm losing the ability to feel joy in things that you used to bring me joy. I know my dad wouldn't want this for me. Did you find a way to help yourself? I feel I should be moving forward but nothing seems to "stick."

Thanks Susan and will stay in touch. I'm often reminded that the way in which she passed was a way in which she would want. Having worked in the medical field for 30 years, I'm sure saw a lot, and I know this is what she would prefer. Easy on the person, difficult on those left behind. Stay well. Ed

lilyann here, sorry for you loss njed. i am on this site as my cousin in ariz. had lost her husband 6months ago and is suffering terrible. i have been trying words of wisdom but i am running out of words and ideas to help her feel better. even though we lost our daughter and son.........which is very hard, so we know grief, and its a thief. what an ideal trip you both were planning. we lived in new jersey at one time and florida. just a little run down about me. so i am trying to get my cousin to join this group and she is 83, just to keep her mind busy. so blessing to you ed. keep a stiff upper lip as the British people say. like queen elizabeth, miss her dearly too.

Hi all, I’m new to this thread but wanted to share something I did that helped me after the loss of my wife.

I began, and still do years later, a To Do List of things for me to do. Some small (write a friend of old), medium (paint the wheelchair scuffs in our walls), and large (see our daughter’s condo). I did one a day and as I marked one off, always added a new one to the bottom of my list. It kept, and keeps, me going.

Just a thought.

Strength, Courage. & Peace.

lilyann here, sorry for you loss njed. i am on this site as my cousin in ariz. had lost her husband 6months ago and is suffering terrible. i have been trying words of wisdom but i am running out of words and ideas to help her feel better. even though we lost our daughter and son.........which is very hard, so we know grief, and its a thief. what an ideal trip you both were planning. we lived in new jersey at one time and florida. just a little run down about me. so i am trying to get my cousin to join this group and she is 83, just to keep her mind busy. so blessing to you ed. keep a stiff upper lip as the British people say. like queen elizabeth, miss her dearly too.

I don't believe you ever get over it. My husband and I had a 62 year relationship. He has been gone four years. My grief and sorrow are great. I am not sure I will ever "live" again. Right now I feel I am just existing and waiting to die. Having said that please do not construe that to mean that I will harm myself. I will never do that.

Hi, @sharroncobb I'm Scott and I lost my wife after her long war with brain cancer. Your post made me think about my 'old self' before I lost my wife.

I realize everyone's grief journey is unique, but one thing that helped me was when I realized life would never be back the way it was, nor would I. Rather life was now just "different".

I still miss my wife deeply and wish she was still here with me, but also know reality has dealt me a different hand now. Another thing that helped me was to keep a "To Do" list and work to accomplish one item a day on it. Some were bigger (visit the new city our children had moved to) others were far smaller -- write to a friend of old, paint some of the wheelchair nicks in the house, call a friend. When I did one thing on my list, I made sure to add a new one to the bottom -- it gave me a way to keep looking forward and not just back at my loss.

As others have noted, your dad hasn't been gone that long so grieving is totally natural. Personally, I believe we grieve in direct proportion to how much we loved our now missing loved one. I also think it's important to give you "permission" to grieve. While I understand how many well-meaning folks in our lives want us to move on and just be happy, that takes time -- and the length of that time is very individualized.

I love this quote and keep it on my desk -- it helps me when the grief rears its head again: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that can only manage to whisper "I will try again tomorrow."

Strength, Courage, & Peace