How about a laugh, (hopefully)

I don't understand it; no matter where I'm sitting at the
theater, I'm always close to someone with a cough.

A website that purports to provide "trusted mental health information when you need it most" [Verywell Mind] had a list of 20 quotes about anxiety. Hope you find at least one that hits the spot with you. Myself, I am partial to #7 and #19.

1. “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
— Anne Lamott

2. “Be obscure clearly.”
- E. B. White

3. “Cure for an obsession: get another one.”
- Mason Cooley

4. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
- Elbert Hubbard

5. "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
- Mark Twain

6. “I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.”
- Charles M. Schulz

7. “I just give myself permission to suck…I find this hugely liberating.”
— John Green

8. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
-Douglas Adams

9. “I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.”
- Richard Lewis

10. “If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”
- William Lyon Phelps

11. “I'm for whatever gets you through the night.”
- Frank Sinatra

12. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”
- Katharine Hepburn

13. “My life needs editing.”
- Mort Sahl

14. “One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.”
- Franklin P. Jones

15. “Reality continues to ruin my life.”
- Bill Watterson

16. "The next time you have a thought... let it go."
- Ron White

17. “The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
— Sydney J. Harris

18. “There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
– Henry Kissinger

19. “We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.”
— David Mamet, "Boston Marriage"

20. "Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere."
– Erma Bombeck

"Procrastinators Anonymous Meeting Postponed Indefinitely".

Scientists can now grow human vocal cords from stem cells in a lab.
The results speak for themselves.

A 95 year old couple goes to a lawyer for a divorce. The lawyer asked them why they waited so long. Their response, "We were waiting for our kids to die!"

LOve it

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers: If you do find one, what's your plan?

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to respond "CLOSE ENOUGH."

For those of you that don't want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version; it doesn't listen to anything.

Someone said, "Nothing rhymes with orange." I said, "No, it doesn't."

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Funny!

To my children: Never make fun of me for having to help me with computer stuff. I taught you how to
use a spoon!

It's important to get out of the house once in a while to remind yourself why you don't go out of the house!

Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine? Husband: You were never really skinny.

Date of of Death: 4/25/20 Time of Death: 11:23 P.M. Cause of Death: Corona Virus

Sometimes when I read my text I think, What a psycho! Then I press Send.