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i have only had approx. 4.5 hours of sleep in almost 5 days
Hello,
As i stated in my question, I haven't slept pretty much at all in the last 5 days. below is approx. sleep and dates.
25th July, been awake since 10am however this nite i only get about an hour of sleep between approx. 11pm and midenite. Woke just after 12 am on the 26th.
26th July, got approx. 3.5 hours sleep between 5pm and 8:30pm. did not sleep after...
27th July Nil, still awake.
28th July Nil, still awake.
Currently 29th of July and 5:06pm and still no sleep.
I suffer from:
extreme obstructive sleep apneoa (so those few hours...
were not real sleep)
horrible anxiety / Depression
social anxiety
OCD and ruminating (reapeat the same things, and constently checking ive done things correct, second guessing my choices, i think thats what is getting me through writing this in this state and it be understandable)
PTSD
some substance abuse (Weed n Beer) used to be much much much much worse and currently treated with gov services).
im scared, should i go to hospital, im also scared because im starting to be able to function again (havent for sometime). I also dont think im getting any sleep soon...
I don't know what to do, im not sure if its cause my thinking is impared or im frightened...
Input anyone ?
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Most of my family think I lost my marbles years ago, someone even called it the Peter pan effect (those old enough remember that story).
I rarely take meds as I normally have adverse reactions to them. Was given pain meds a long time ago, forgot the name as was so long ago but the effects gave it the nick name Zombie Meds, was encouraged to increase doses until I felt no pain (back then had L4/L5 lumber decompression surgery), it's been a bane of my life since, the damage it did before surgery has destroyed most of my nerve endings which effect things like feeling if bladder is full. But since that drug I was encouraged to take to numb the pain rather than having surgery has made me very afraid of meds and the advice that came with them.
The full body vibrations maybe be a sign of what to come, but I have at least made peace with it, other than the odd far out days I prevent it from being a constant worry on my mind, maybe losing my marbles years ago has helped this status of change of life be more helpful than I thought.
It took months to ween myself from that drug, I hated the side effects, I hated the reaction given to my by so called professionals within said fields, I hated being placed in a general category, clumped together with other people that had pain and symptoms 😢.
I think the end result has had an effect that while I don't really notice it others do, I rarely associate with other people outside of work or home, I rarely feel lost or without direction as I live within my own mind and comforts, is this just who I am or is it what I feel I have but don't fully understand its end of life meaning for myself.
I know one thing though I feel very little compassion for family members, no tears of joy, sadness, hate, love, has what the full body vibrations and that of what my brother has caused myself to retract within myself.
I AM A COWARD. Refusing to face the truths of what is to come.